Drabbles for Bella
by Musings of a Shaken Mind
Summary: I may be crazy, and I may be stupid, but I've decided to do a series of drabbles, one for each day that Edward is away from Bella in New Moon. Brace yourselves... 'T', for angst. NOW COMPLETE. FINALLY!
1. Introduction

**Drabbles for Bella.**_** September 16**__**th**__**—April 19**__**th**_

**I recently looked at my calendar, and realised that today is September 7****th****. As in: only six days until Bella's birthday, and consequently, nine days until the anniversary of the day that Edward left Bella.**

**Anyway, I got to thinking, and decided that I should really do something to commemorate this. And I came up with an obscenely difficult challenge for myself. I'm going to attempt to write one drabble a day, for every day that Bella was alone. They will all be set during that six months, although sometimes there will be two or more on one (fictional) day, and none the next. Savvy? **

**Anyway, I'd quite like opinions on this idea. Am I crazy? Stupid? Do I have loads of free time? Probably. But tell me what you think!!**

**_Becky Scarlett-Cullen x_**


	2. Walk, 16th Sept

**T-minus... no days!! Is anyone else blooming excited about this!? I AM!! Hmm, I wonder if anyone else will actually do anything to commemorate this time... ah well, we'll see how it goes, eh? WELCOME!**

* * *

**Date: 16****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Walk.**

* * *

I don't want to go on a walk. I can't.

Because I know that he doesn't mean some romantic stroll. This is serious.

But he's so demanding. Like always. He's careful not to touch me as we leave the house, but all I want is his arms around me, forever.


	3. Forever, 17th Sept

**I only just realised quite how absurdly short the last drabble was as I re-read it. Oops. Thanks for the reviews and alerts, keep them coming!! x**

* * *

**Date: 17****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Forever**

* * *

I stumble and fall as I walk, and there's no-one to catch me, as there usually is. This is nightmarish. I keep expecting to wake up, safe in his arms. But I won't ever be able to do that again. Because I'm alone. Forever has a whole new meaning. Forever is pain, and no-one for comfort. Forever is the absence of love. Forever is a thousand deaths every day, each more painful than the last. Forever is excruciating horror. Forever is a meaningless eternity. Forever is an awfully lonely prospect…


	4. Comatose, 18th Sept

**Hmm, another short one. Don't worry, there are some much longer ones coming. Thanks for the reviews! x**

* * *

**Date: 18****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Comatose**

* * *

My body has no need of sustenance. I do not sleep. I have not spoken.

The doctor thinks I cannot hear him, when he throws around words like 'comatose'.

I wish I was in a coma. That would be less painful. Easier, even.

I don't think there's a medical term for having your vital organs pulled out, smashed up, and burnt, leaving only a hole. Emptiness.


	5. Refusal, 19th Sept

**I'm getting kind of sick of these angsty ones, is anyone else? Don't worry, I have some funny(ish) ones in the pipeline, I just need to get through this first week, first. Bear with me! x**

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Refusal**

* * *

Charlie tries to make me eat, but I am not hungry.

I keep my eyes blank, and focus on the ceiling. I refuse to make any contact. Luckily, Charlie's not one for mothering me. He mostly leaves me alone. I can't decide whether or not I want to be alone. No, is the short answer. But I only crave one person's company.

But, since that is impossible, I continue to refuse everything else.


	6. Pain, 20th Sept

**Ho hum... more angst for you all. I can officially announce that the first funny drabble will be on the 25th September. Don't miss it! Review! It means so much, you know... tell me how I'm doing. Please?  
**

* * *

**Date: 20****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Pain**

* * *

What was numb before is now excruciatingly painful. Like time has washed the anaesthetic away. I struggle as I try to breathe, tears coursing down my cheeks. Silent sobs wrack my body.

Hours later, I cannot cry any more. I still cannot breathe, with only a little oxygen gasping into my damaged lungs. Like a dagger, flung down my throat. The pain is unendurable, undeniable, anavoidable. The pain is everlasting.


	7. Losing, 21st Sept

**Sorry, sorry, sorry... a thousand times, SORRY! I was exhausted. It is no excuse, but it is very true. And yesterday I was doing drama shiz. I'm posting three today. SORRY!**

* * *

**Date: 21****st**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Losing**

* * *

I am fighting a losing battle with myself. I want to die, but then Charlie's voice reminds me that I have something to live for, however insignificant. I do not speak, or move. I just lie still on the bed that is too soft, and too warm.

The only fight I still win is the one with Charlie. I am unresponsive to his attempts at feed me. I worry him, I know.

I know that I should care, and yet I do not. I lost all reason for living.


	8. Betrayal, 22nd Sept

**The second of my three (very apologetic) catch-ups. I am a bad person, clearly.**

* * *

**Date: 22****nd**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Betrayal**

* * *

I feel betrayed. My own body is rebelling against my mind. I am eating again, though I am still silent. It was an unconscious decision. I did not realise that I had opened my mouth until I felt the food there.

I could not identify it. Apparently, my taste buds are not working as they should. I don't mind.

But Charlie's sudden, astonished gasp might have been insulting, had I cared. I did not.


	9. Snap, 23rd Sept

**Yay! I've finally come to the end of a long first week of angsty drabbles. The were the really hardcore ones-- from here on out, they're (mostly) a lot lighter. In fact I might even go as far to say that some of them are (insert gasps of wonder here)** **_funny..._**

**Please review! I need to know whether this has run it's course, or whether I should keep it up...**

* * *

**Date: 23****rd**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Snap Out.**

* * *

"Renee… worried… Coma! Cullen… Florida?"

I caught only snatches of Charlie's conversation with Renee, and did not like what I heard. He was clearly trying to foist me off onto my mother in Florida. That thought was what finally did it. I sat up, out of the bed that I'd spent the last week in. I would _not _leave. I had to stay here. How could I even be sure that they had existed at all? No.

I opened the door with more force than was perhaps necessary, my legs cramping from disuse. He almost dropped the phone as I came into view.

"Bells…?"

"I won't. You can't make me. I won't leave. I WON'T!"

He just nodded, making his excuses to Renee and hanging up. It wasn't often that Charlie displayed emotion, but he wrapped me in his arms then, hugging me tightly.


	10. Careful, 24th Sept

**Hello. Now, I am not in a wonderful mood, because I spent an hour of my life today being stabbed. (In drama, idiot. What, did you think I was in hospital?!) **

**Anyway, being repeatedly killed as seventeen other people watching (even though they're supposed to be rehearsing in their own bloody groups, and NOT watching us) is surprisingly stressful. Suffice to say, the girl who was stabbing me, (we'll call her Sally, for argument's sake) could not concentrate, hence the repeated stabbings. Also, our lighting plot is nowhere NEAR finished, despite the fact that our main technical rehearsal is tomorrow, with the dress on Monday. We have no costumes, no sound plot, no lighting person, and I HAVE NO ALCOHOL. (I play a drunk. I am not one in real life, honest. :P) Argh! Sorry, I just realised that you might not actually want to hear my life story... :S**

**And that this ridiculous authors note is probably three times the length of my drabble.**

**Oh well. Enjoy! And review. Please...**

* * *

**Date: 24****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Careful**

* * *

I was careful never to mention that first week again. The memory of me like that still tortured Charlie; I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me.

I should probably have felt guilty, or maybe even just cared about my father's feelings—but Charlie never spoke of it, and I had no desire to bring up the topic. It was like an unwritten law between us.

A law that would never be broken, even years later. Some things, after all, are far better left undiscussed.


	11. Naughty Seat, 25th Sept

**Sorry, once again, for the lateness! :S And thanks for the reviews, they made my day. :D** **I love this drabble!**

* * *

**Date:25****th**** September**

**Characters: The Cullens (Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper.)**

**Stimulus word: Naughty Seat**

**Reason for sudden change in genre: Writing angst is fun for a while, but it can get rather depressing. I need something completely random every once in a while, to break the monotony.**

**Dedication: _For Kate, who is currently singing her little heart out, on the naughty seat. x _**

* * *

Rosalie Hale sighed. Men—honestly! Hadn't she told her husband, just this morning, that chocolate would not be good for his vampire system?!

Alice was giggling delightedly in the corner. Obviously, she had foreseen this, and had decided not to say anything. Well, she'd pay for that, later…

"_Bop, bop bop, bop to the top!"_

Jasper just looked confused. The book he had previously been reading lay abandoned on his lap. He was clearly unused to this level of extreme hyperactivity.

"_Slip and slide, and ride that rhythm!"_

Emmett made another semi-graceful circuit of the large room, pink tight-clad legs pirouetting elegantly, and sang, in a trilling, high pitched voice (quite unlike his general, deep bass tones) the lyrics to every song from _'High School Musical.'_

"_Jump and hop, hop 'til we drop… and start again!"_

Rosalie had gathered that his favourite song was 'Bop to the top', or something equally ridiculous.

"_Zip zap zop, Pop like a mop!"_

She sighed again. She hadn't had to put her husband on the 'naughty step' for sixty years. She had honestly thought that they were past that stage.

"_Scoot around the corner! Move it to the groove 'til the music stops…Do the bop bop!"_

Apparently not.


	12. Abstract, 26th Sept

**Caught up. Back to the angst-fest. There are, however, more Cullen drabbles on the way. Enjoy, and review! Please?**

* * *

**Date:26****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Abstract**

* * *

The memories came often, these days. Happy memories, mostly of my childhood with Renee.

"_Look, mom! Look what I did!"_

"_Oh Bella, darling, that's wonderful!"_

_The seven year old girl runs quickly, but the movement was clumsy even then. An abstract portrait, in the style of some British painter, flutters in her hand._

That painting was rubbish, of course. I'd never been an artist. But my pride was enough to make Mom smile.

But the memories were garish, too bright. The shapes were always distorted, and it was never very clear what precisely the subject was supposed to be.

Abstract.


	13. Absence, 27th Sept

**I LOVE ALICE! Don't you love Alice? I do. She's awesome. :D**

* * *

**Date: 27th September**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus word: Absence**

**Dedication: _For Amy, the closest thing to Alice Cullen since... Alice Cullen.__ iLY!_**

* * *

Edward's prolonged absence was a constant thorn in his favourite sister's side. Alice missed him in a way that none of her 'siblings' could understand, or even begin to imagine.

Not that she blamed him for leaving, of course. For hiding. It would be difficult for him to face all of his family again later.

Alice knew. She'd seen it happening.

But the timing was unclear. She couldn't tell whether it would be tomorrow, or in ten years time. But most of all, she missed his easy, crooked smile and knowledge.

His absence depressed her.


	14. Fish Supper, 28th Sept

**I despise fish in all forms, and last night it was my turn to make the dinner. It was fish. Urgh. I can so relate to Bella...**

**Em, this is a bit random, actually. Oh well.**

* * *

**Date: 28****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Fish supper**

* * *

The fish's staring eye was dreadfully unnerving as I lifted the sharpened kitchen knife to decapitate the dead creature. It was blank and glassy, but it seemed to see me, and my knife. I deliberated for a moment, before lowering the weapon.

I scooped the fish into the bin with a repressed shudder, and pulled out the keys to my battered truck. There was a fish-and-chips shop in Forks.

Charlie would never know the difference…

* * *

**(A/N: ON a side note, I have no idea if they have chippies in the USA. I'll just assume they do, for the purposes of this. Sorry, if they don't! :S )  
**


	15. School, 29th Sept

**Oops. This one is short. Oh well. I'm 15 and three months today! Hurrah! :D**

* * *

**Date: 29****th**** September**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: School (MEH.)  
**

* * *

Charlie made me go back to school today. I considered kicking up some kind of fuss, but decided against it. I'd already missed nearly two weeks of school, and I had to go back sometime.

With a sigh, I pulled my bag from the wardrobe.

Time to face the music.


	16. Silence, 30th Sept

**This one is short. But, after you have read the POV (!!) I am sure all will be forgiven. :)**

* * *

**Date: 29****th**** September**

**POV: EDWARD!!**

**Stimulus word: Silence**

* * *

The silence is deafening. After so long of hearing the constant hum of thoughts inside my head, hearing only silence is odd.

But I'd rather listen to silence than to my own reproaching thoughts.


	17. Video Games, 1st Oct

**Hey! Sorry, I was at the theatre last night. (I go pretty much every week with my drama class, because apparently it helps... I'm not complaining!) We went to see a piece called The Brothers Size, which was incredible. Seriously. I was in TEARS by the end of it. :)**

**Oh, and... I love this one! I also love Emmett.**

* * *

**Date: 1****st**** October**

**Characters: Jasper and Emmett**

**Stimulus word: Video Games**

* * *

"What'cha playing, Jazz?"

Jasper, hunched over the controls of some games console, took a minute to reply. "Harry Potter."

Emmett looked confused. "Who is Harry Potter?"

Upon receiving no answer, he left to annoy someone else.

--

"What'cha playing, Jazz?"

Jasper looked up, annoyed. "Assassin's creed."

Emmett looked bewildered. "Why would you want to play that?!"

Upon receiving no answer, he left to annoy someone else.

--

"What'cha playing, Jazz?"

Jasper grimaced, "Narnia."

Emmett grinned delightedly—he knew this one. "Excellent! Oh, and that reminds me…"

He disappeared, and Jasper thought no more of it, relieved to be left alone.

They didn't find Emmett, who was in the large cupboard on the second floor, until four hours later.


	18. Piano, 2nd Oct

**Sorry. Caught up again. Damn, I'm so bad at getting these out on time... sorry! :S**

* * *

**Date: 2****nd**** October**

**Character: Edward! (I LOVE EDWARD! He is my husband, and not yours, Yenga. So hah.)  
**

**Word: Piano**

**Dedication: _Aimee; my Edward!_**

* * *

He couldn't bring himself to play any more. The music just never came to him, like it had for so long.

He shouldn't have come back here. He should have known it would hurt like this. Her scent still echoed in the halls. It was only her safety that kept him from running home, back into her arms, to beg for forgiveness.

He slammed a vampire-strong fist down onto the lid of his beloved Grand Piano. It splintered violently, broken beyond repair.

Edward Cullen made a promise to himself, that day. He would never play again.


	19. Honey, 3rd Oct

**Hah, I love this one... I also love honey. But I can't get Rosalie right, and it bugs me. Must practise... Enjoy!! x**

* * *

**Date: 3rd October**

**Character: Rosalie**

**Word: Honey**

* * *

When she'd been alive, honey had been one of the many luxuries that Rosalie had enjoyed. She gazed longingly at the golden jar in front of her. It did look ever so good…

Surely one, tiny little lick would do her no harm…

Carlisle found her, ten minutes later, a mixture of honey and self-loathing on her beautiful face. The jar of honey was empty beside her.


	20. Itch, 4th Oct

**Did you know that this time last year, I was in Tian'anmen Square, Beijing, on a School trip? It was like, 30 degrees celcius, and one of the most incredible experiences, I'm telling you.**

**One year on, and I'm sitting in this bloody freezing house, watching as the weather blows a gale outside. I'm wearing gloves, ffs. GLOVES! I love Scotland, I really do. But sometimes, I catch myself wishing I was still in China... Meh.**

**Actually, I may do a special commemorative Beijing drabble... hmm...**

**

* * *

****Date: 4****th**** October**

**Character: Hmm… I'll let you find that one out…**

**Word: Itch**

**Dedication: All credit goes to Caitlin, because she is clearly a billion times more awesome than I, a much better writer, and deserves all credit for the first line, and all subsequent itches. Much love.**

**

* * *

**Itch.

Utterly infuriating; completely frustrating; obscenely annoying.

Itch.

Just in the worst place, too. Where he couldn't reach, in the middle of his back.

He tried to occupy himself with thoughts of the one thing that kept him sane.

_Bella._

Itch.

_Bella._

Itch.

_BELLA!_

Itch.

Mike Newton caught sigh of the object of his thoughts, and sighed. He wished there was something he could do for her, something that would make it better. She still looked awful.

Itch.

"ARGH!"

**(A/N: It was Edward for ages, you know. But then I realised that actually, itching wasn't really very vampire-like. So I changed it to Mike.)**


	21. Red Light, 5th Oct

**My drabble for the day. In case any of you give a damn, this time last year I was at the Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing.**

**:)**

* * *

**Date: 5****th**** October**

**Characters: Emmett, Jasper and Alice.**

**Word: Red Light.**

* * *

Both the modified jeep and the Ford GT came to a screeching halt as the lights flashed red. Emmett Cullen, leaning out the window of the monstrous red jeep, grinned at his brother in the Supercar.

"Ready, Jazz?"

The window of the blue Ford GT rolled down.

"More ready than you, Em."

"Ha! In your dreams, Jazzy!"

They carried on like this for a good minute more, before suddenly becoming aware of their surroundings once more.

A bright yellow Porsche 911 turbo was speeding away, ahead of them.

And the light was green.

--

In her car, Alice giggled. "Suckers…"


	22. Twilight, 6th Oct

**We haven't had any angst in aaages... have some, on me!**

* * *

**Date: 6****th**** October**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Twilight**

* * *

It's twilight, again. The most painful time of day for me, the most difficult. It will be easier come Winter, when there's no such thing as twilight, but until then, I'll have to cope.

I have to hold myself together as I make dinner for Charlie. I'm falling apart—it's obvious to everyone. Charlie stays at work as long as he can. To delay coming home. Mostly because he feels guilty, I think. I hate that he feels guilty for my mistakes.

The evening is surreal. The sun is shining for once, and the last rays of light flicker as the sun disappears over the horizon. The sky is lit by a rainbow of colours, and it's lovely.

I have to look away, unable to bear the sight. My hole aches worse than ever.


	23. Music, 7th Oct

**Okay, so I totally failed on the last one. (Was it the last one? I'm losing track.) But anyway, 'Red Light'. Of course, you're right... Alice didn't get her Porsche until Eclipse. Sorry about that. I'm not planning to change it though, because I think it works... but thanks anyways!**

**This one made me cry, because I am officially pathetic. :)**

**I don't know what the song mentioned is, I haven't decided. Draw your own conclusions.**

* * *

**Date: 7****th**** October**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Music.**

* * *

I was in my truck, and it was raining again. As usual. I guess I could have predicted that. The radio was playing in the background, mostly lost beneath the rain and all, mainly just noise to drown out my thoughts. But then a song came on the radio, a song I didn't want to hear… I hadn't heard for twenty-two days.

"NO!"

I slammed a fist down onto the stereo. But the flimsy plastic would not break under my pathetic force. The tears started falling rapidly, as I pulled the truck violently over in the process, smashing my hand time and time again onto the source of the noise.

Finally, it was silenced.

I gave in to desperate sobs, arms wrapped around my legs.


	24. Target, 8th Oct

**I can't decide whether I like this one or not. But I'll post it anyway, because I still have 162 of these to write.**

**Oh, crap.**

* * *

**Date: 8****th**** October**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Target**

* * *

I am currently the target of many things.

For self-hatred. For pointing, probing stares. For curious mutterings. For sympathetic glances.

I am also a target of my own mind.

Like a target, I am peppered with shots, covered in bullet holes.

But there is one hole that aches a thousand—no, a million times worse.

That one hit the bullseye.


	25. Starvation, 9th Oct

**LaLaLAAAAAAA! School concert just finished. I sang my little heart out. It was awesome. :)**

* * *

**Date: 9****th**** October**

**POV: Edward!**

**Stimulus word: Starvation**

**Dedication: _Caitlin, because I stole her idea for 'itch' when we were writing drabbles in PSD, and pretty much beat me up today because of it. Lmao. Sorry! x_**

* * *

I do not know how far a vampire can push himself before he drives himself past the limit. Perhaps I should ask Carlisle.

I have not hunted for twenty five days, fifteen hours, twelve minutes and forty-seven… forty-eight… forty-nine seconds. The intensity of the longing to sate my thirst is near impossible to deny. If I opened my eyes, they would be a terrifying shade of black, with not even a sliver of gold to soften them.

I want, more than anything, to return to my Bella, but I would not be strong enough.

I want to see my family, but I am afraid of their terrible thoughts.

I want to hunt, but I cannot bring myself to.

I am utterly incapable of anything.


	26. Travel, 10th Oct

**Hardly commemorative, I guess, and this time last year, I was travelling the opposite way... but w/e. My mention of Beijing. For the bants.**

* * *

**Date: 10****th**** October**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus word: Travel**

* * *

They saw him get on a plane. It was headed for the capital city of China, Beijing. The expression on his face made them wonder… what was he running away from?

It was so terrible, so excruciatingly pained that people looked the other way, unwilling to intrude on this moment.

The business men and women, the families leaving on their holidays, they tried to forget the face of this anguished angel.

None could.


	27. Trampoline, 11th Oct

**Some more lighthearted Emmett-humour for you all. To all serious-Emmett fans, I'm sorry. Apparently, the only way I can write about him is if he's doing something idiotic, stupid and childish, whether that be eating chocolate, being baffled by a box (alliteration, anyone?) or making a fool of himself on a trampoline. That's just the way I see him, really. Sorry. **

* * *

**Date: 11****th**** October**

**POV: Emmett**

**Stimulus word: Trampoline**

* * *

_Wheeee!_

Bounce.

_Wheeeeeee!_

Bounce.

_Wheeeeeeeeee!_

Bounce.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN! If you don't SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I'll come out there and SHUT IT FOR YOU, wife or NOT!"

Emmett winced, and stopped abruptly, too quickly. The fragile fabric that had been amusing him for the last few hours broke, and Emmett fell through, landing—not particularly delicately—on his rear end.

He heard Jasper's quiet chuckle, even from the back garden.

"SHUT UP, JASPER!"


	28. Work, 12th Oct

**So, I'm back. Did you miss me? Duh. **

**I'm trying to write other stuff at the moment, too, but it's difficult-- hence the lack of updates on other stories. I will get round to it, I promise. But one of the stories in particular-- Sunrise-- is giving me an awful headache. I can't follow the plotline through, like I usually can, and it's bugging me. All I get is vague ideas, or possible scenarios, none of which I'm incredibly keen on. If anyone has any suggestion/advice, then I would be eternally grateful. Yeah, I'm running short of prizes. Shut up.**

* * *

**Date: 12****th**** October**

**Character: Carlisle**

**Stimulus word: Work**

**Dedication: _For LynnyLiz, who clogged up my inbox, and made me smile until my cheeks kinda hurt. Thank you!_**

* * *

It was odd—his work usually calmed him, even if life at the Cullen Mansion was strained, as it had been since Bella's unfortunate birthday.

But today, it only frustrated him. He could only blame it on the absence of his oldest (in one way, at least) son. He missed him terribly. They hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks, now. Carlisle often wished that he could make it better for Edward, somehow take the pain away.

But there was only one way to do that, and Edward would not even consider it. But he would come round, Alice had seen that. He would realise his mistakes, and beg Bella for her forgiveness.

In the meantime, a patient had just been wheeled in to his ward. Car crash patient, severe head wound, possible concussion…

Dr. Cullen was once more entirely focussed on his work.


	29. Box, 13th Oct

**Meh, stupid Emmett again. It's an obsession. I apologise. I just _love _the idea, tbh.**

**Oh, sorry this is so late out-- I started Work Experience today, and then had drama this evening. We were devising for the Christmas performance, and so far have like, a Vampire version of Romeo and Juliet. Except with the added division of status between Jean (Romeo) and Miss Julie (Juliet). Set in a modern-day nightclub, except the Vamps are stuck in a time-warp type thing, and are pretty much convinced they're in the Renaissance period. Add in a masquerade ball, a rock concert, several murders, the evil father of Jean, who also happens to be an Evil Vamp Priest, and who may or may not be in love with Miss Julie's grandmother, plus several very pale humans, a piece of magic string and a teddy bear and you have our piece.**

**Has your brain exploded yet? Mine did, earlier. It was messy, tbh...**

**But enough of my random gibberish! To the story!**

**Oh, you won't understand this one unless you've read Drabble #10, 'Naughty Seat' (25th Sept.) I suggest you go and read it now. Actually, you might want to go and read it now, anyway, just to make sure you're totally clear... Ta!**

* * *

**Date: 13****th**** October**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus word: Box**

With untold glee, Emmett Cullen ripped the paper violently from the present, throwing it over his shoulder. A… a box?

He looked up in confusion, gazing at the expectant face of his wife.

"Uh… what a lovely box?"

It was a question, and Rosalie noticed. With an exasperated sigh, she pulled open the large, plain brown box to reveal his _real _present.

"Another box?"

Rosalie sighed, knowing that she would have to spell it out for him. Emmett was not exactly known for his technical genius.

"It's called an iPod, Emmett. You can listen to your songs on it."

He grinned delightedly, his eyes glazing over as he imagined hours and hours of listening to his favourite songs…

He started singing under his breath in anticipation. _"Bop, bop, bop, bop to the top…"_


	30. Key, 14th Oct

**A long one! Hurrah! :)**

**Thank you so much for the reviews. I have had a very long, boring day, and I really needed a smile, so thanks to MidnightxRed and LynnyLiz for brightening up my inbox, and my outlook on life. It means a lot, trust me!**

* * *

**Date: 14****th**** October**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus word: Key**

* * *

Alice Cullen was not happy. She had searched for a long time, through their new house in Denali and through the future. She didn't see herself finding it at any point soon, and that was annoying.

They key was important. Not just important, but _extremely _important. Edward might just kill her if he found out that she had lost the key to his precious Volvo.

Or perhaps not. It wasn't like he cared about much, any more. Not with Bella gone.

Alice felt her stomach drop as she thought about the name. Bella was going to have been her best friend, one day. But then Edward had gone and messed things up—Jasper was not to blame, of course… if he had been allowed to bite Bella, then she would be one of them now, and they wouldn't have had to abandon her.

No, Edward was entirely to blame for the Cullens' unhappiness. Jasper could not stand being around him, any more, because of his constant, suicidal depression. Even Rosalie—_Rosalie!—w_as angry with their brother. Mostly for giving up on Bella, despite the fact that she had truly been the best thing that had ever happened to him. And Edward had had a lot of things happen to him.

Bella was they key in all of this. Somehow, the human girl had become intrinsic to their family's happiness.

She would find the key to Edward's car. And then, she would rescue the key to Edward's happiness.


	31. Shakespeare I, 15th Oct

**The first of what will hopefully be a long-ish sub series, within my drabbles. The 'Shakespeare' inspired ones won't all be grouped together-- they'll be spread out over a few weeks.**

**But I was wondering, because I'm lazy-- I've only actually read four of his plays (A Midsummer Night's dream, The Tempest, Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra.) And each Shakespeare drabble will have a quote to start it off, like this one does. Anyway, my point is that I'm short of quotes. I plan to do one for each of the Cullens (and Bella, obviously), so if anyone has any quotes that seem appropriate, please drop me a review. I need your help!! Thanks. :)**

* * *

**Date: 15****th**** October**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Shakespeare I**

**Play: A Midsummer Night's Dream**

* * *

"_Lord, what fools these mortals be!"_

Painful accuracy. Shakespeare, poking fun at his own kind through the words of Puck.

And oh, how true that statement had proved! A fool. Idiot. Jackass. Moron. Gullible, stupid, ridiculous, fool! How unbelievable it had seemed, at the time, that someone like _him _would fall for someone like _her! _That only ever happened in movies, and she had found out the hard way. How foolish she had been. She had been so blinded by his glorious acting skills that she had not seen the truth.

He was glorious…immortal… perfect in every way… intelligent… and what was she? A mere human girl.

Some mortal fool.

* * *

**Actually, I forgot to mention-- this story has officially overtaken 'We Don't need no Education' as my second most popular story (counting reviews). My next target would be 91 reviews, because that's the most I've ever had for a story. Donate one, today!**


	32. Anniversary, 16th Oct

**My shortest one EVER! WOO! :)**

**Happy anniversary, all. Sorry it's late.  
**

* * *

**Date: 16****th**** October**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Anniversary**

* * *

One month.

The pain is unmanageable.


	33. First Day, 17th Oct

**Well, it's over.**

**Not the story, idiots. Ha! No, my work experience week is over. Finally. Urgh. I am not looking forward to the world of work. Do you want to see what I have spent the past week of my life doing?**

**No?**

**Oh well. I'll post it anyways. Feel free to ignore, really.**

* * *

**Date: 17****th**** October**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus word: First Day**

**Dedication: _Amy. As always, my Alice._**

* * *

Alice made a face as they pulled up outside their new school in Denali that morning. It never changed. Every one of the first days was as horrific as the first.

And this was no exception.

Even though she knew exactly how the day would go, who she'd meet, her subjects for the day, that nothing would go wrong, the thought still sickened her.

But, as Jasper helped her from the car, and the familiar wave of calm washed over her, soothing her nerves, she couldn't help but smile up into her lover's ravaged face.

She didn't suppose that today _would _be all that bad, if Jazz was with her…


	34. Week, or Weak, 18th Oct

**Firstly, oops.  
**

**I didn't realise that quite so many people would be so confused by the previous chapter.**

**I was merely venting my frustration over the week I spent writing that ridiculous document—I'll be taking it off, tonight. Sorry about that.**

* * *

**Date: 18****th**** October**

**POV: Edward**

**Stimulus word: Week/Weak**

**Dedication: **_** BellaSparkled, who managed to clog up my inbox once more. I am eternally grateful! X Also to LynnyLiz, who seems to like my Edward stuff. **_

* * *

It has been one week since I arrived here. But the busy streets and millions of people that constantly surround me fail to distract, like all else. It is not that this city is not beautiful—in a complicated, contrasting way—but the problem is that I now fail to appreciate any kind of beauty. It all pales, in comparison.

There is nothing here. But there must be something. Something that can soothe my wounds, make me whole once more.

Of course, there is something. There is always an option.

All I have to do is take the first plane back to Washington. Simple… and so tempting.

But not sufficiently tempting. I will not compromise her safety again. And if an eternity of loneliness is the price that I must pay, then pay it I will.

I am hardly strong, but neither am I weak enough to forfeit Bella's wellbeing.


	35. Return, 19th Oct

**I'm uploading tomorrow's drabble (19th October) today, because tomorrow I am going to Manchester. Hurrah!**

**Did you know that I have never been to Manchester? I am uncharacteristically excited. Woo! So, you'll have to wait until Monday for the next one, after this. Sorry. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Date: 19th October**

**POV: Edward**

**Stimulus word: Return**

* * *

It could hardly be called a triumphant return. I had flown back to Alaska on the irst available flight, but the atmosphere was different.

Frustrated. Forced, unnatural cheeriness,

I glared at Jasper, and the feeling died away immediately.

I could bear it no longer. With one last, pained look at my family in so many ways, gathered together, watching me warily, I ran from the room. I had been wrong, I was not strong enough.

Reaching the relative safety of the surrounding forest, I curled up in a ball, and waited to die.


	36. Shakespeare II, 20th Oct

**It's another short one, sorry. This is the next of my Shakespeare series. If anyone has any more appropriate quotes, please send me them! Thanks.**

* * *

**Date: 20th October**

**POV: Edward**

**Stimulus word: Shakespeare II**

**Play: Hamlet.**

**Dedication: Nightdancers, for coming up with the BEST EDWARD QUOTE, EVER! Thank you muchly. :)**

* * *

_"I must be cruel, only to be kind."_

I hardly expected this to be easy. It was always going to be hard. And I imagine that it is hard for her, too—though not on the same level. That would be impossible. She could not feel the emotion, the pain that I feel. It is cruel—heartbreakingly cruel, for both of us. But it is for her own good, always… that is the reason behind our pain.

Cruel to be kind takes on a whole new meaning.


	37. Swords, 21st Oct

**Because Seth is my new fave wolf Isn't he just awesome?! Plus, he lost his dad, :(**

**

* * *

****Date: 21st October**

**POV: Seth Clearwater**

**Stimulus word: Sword**

**

* * *

**I swung my sword around, felling soldier after soldier. I was in my element here. Dad joined me suddenly, popping up, sword already in hand. I grinned at him, as we fought back-to-back.

WINNER!

We laughed in unison and he held his hand up for a high five. I slapped his palm.

"Nice job, son"

I grinned, throwing down my controller. "You too, dad."

He hesitated, a hand resting on his chest. His expression was suddenly pained.

"Dad?" I was worried, "Dad? What is it?"

His expression cleared, "Nothing, Seth. Don't worry about me. Just an old battle scar, eh?"

I grinned along with him. Dad was tough. He'd be fine.


	38. Pool, 22nd Oct

**Heyhey. :) I was actually playing pool the other day, and thought this appropriate... Enjoy!**

**

* * *

****Date: 21st October**

**Character: Jasper and Emmett**

**Stimulus word: Pool**

**

* * *

**"Wait… what? Why doesn't that count?!"

Emmett was enraged. He had just potted a ball, fair and square! Admittedly, it was the first point of the game—many of the balls lay smashed on the table, victim of the Cullen boys' super strength.

"I already explained this," Jasper started soothingly, while sending waves of calm into the room. "It doesn't count if you pot the black… you don't pot that one until last."

"Why not?" Emmett was baffled, though his temper had disappeared.

"I dunno, it's just the rules, isn't it? I don't make them, I just play by them."

Emmett was not convinced. "Huh. Still, I must win, I mean… I'm the only one who has potted anything."

Jasper sighed, exasperated, and decided that it was safer just to humour his brother. "Uh… yeah, sure, Emmett. You win."

Emmett began to sing in victory, and Jasper moaned, covering his ears.

Not that that did any good…


	39. Shoe, 23rd Oct

**I HAVE FAILED YOU ALL!**

**It's 12:25 GMT, as in: officially the 24th October, and I haven't posted the 23/10 Drabble, yet. Sorry. On the plus side, I love this drabble...**

**

* * *

Date: 23rd October**

**Character: Mike**

**Stimulus Word: Shoe**

**

* * *

**The perfect shoes.

They were amazing, really. Like walking on air.

He'd been getting compliments all day, too. But there was only really one person he wanted to impress.

"Nice shoes, Newton"

"Hey, they're awesome, Mike."

He grinned as he walked down the corridor, catching sight of Bella.

"Hey, Bella!"

She looked up warily. But only after spending a few seconds gazing at his feet, wide-eyed, and then craning her neck to see his face.

"Um, wow, Mike… nice shoes…"

He grinned at down at her from his new height of 6'3", "Pretty good, eh?"

"Sure, sure… But I didn't really think you were a heels kind of guy, Mike." She didn't sound sure.

"Of course I am. I always have been."

"Right…"

"Yeah, drag queen is the new prep."

"Um, okay."

"They're from the new Gucci fall line."

Her face twisted into a pained grimace. Had he said something wrong?

"Sorry, Mike. I have to go."

"Right. See you later, Bella."

"Sure, sure…"

As she walked away, there was only one name on her mind, "Alice…"


	40. Illiteracy, 24th Oct

**Apparently, I am nine minutes late, posting this. Oops. Sorry... :S**

**Oh! This is officially my most-reviewed story, EVER! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You have no idea how much it means. Actually, you probably do, but... meh. 100 would be nice, wouldn't it?**

**(Did anyone catch that hint?)  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 24****th**** October**

**Characters: Emmett, Jasper, Rose.**

**Stimulus Word: Illiteracy.**

Emmett Cullen smiled as he watched his sometimes-wife playing on the shiny, brand new playstation. To be honest, she was _thrashing_ her 'twin', Jasper, who looked utterly confused and irritated by this fact.

Alice had been bound, gagged, and chained to a tree in the middle of the nearby forest, so that she wouldn't be able to help Jasper cheat by predicting Rose's every move, and the effects were starting to show. Jazz was _nothing _without Alice!

Emmett was taking notes in the corner, trying to pick up hints from his better half. His handwriting was a messy scrawl across Esme's favourite wallpaper.

Rosalie won. With an aggravated sigh, Jasper turned to face Emmett, and then his jaw dropped—so fast it was almost comical. "Congrats, man! When did you learn to read and write?!"

Emmett looked mildly offended, though the proud smile still worked its way onto his features. "I learned to read five years ago!"

* * *

**Shut up. I thought it was funny, thank you very much. And it's not bad for four-and-a-half minutes work.**


	41. New Girl, 25th Oct

**So, there's a bit of a story behind this one.**

**It's my little sister—Katie's birthday, today, and this is part of my present to her. (I also got her a Sims 2 game, which is probably much better. Oh well.) There's going to be more than one of these; and they'll have Bella in them, when we get to the big La Push scenes. So happy birthday, Kates! Love you.**

**Yeah, 'Becky' is me! Yale is where I'd most like to go, to do Drama. My sister is starting at Edinburgh later this year, and I also have a brother. My parents aren't split, though, and my dad isn't dead, either-- though he did come painfully close to it this summer. That's another story, though. Anyways...  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 25****th**** October**

**Character: Katie (AU)**

**Stimulus Word: New girl**

**

* * *

**It was my first day today, in La Push High School.

I turned up today in my rusted old Cadillac, and it was awful. Just like I knew it would be. I was the focus of stares and attention all day. Oh, I really miss Scotland.

The weather, at least, is comforting though. I'm glad it's raining. If it was sunny, I _really _wouldn't be able to cope.

It wasn't exactly my first choice, though. After Dad died, we had to come and live here with Mum. In America. I miss my friends… My two oldest sisters are lucky—they're both at university, one in New York, one back home in Edinburgh. They aren't stuck here with the other sibling. Groan.

My brother already lived here with mum, but I had to come and move here. I mean sure—it's not like I had to fly on my own, or anything. Becky flew me over when she came for her new semester of university in NYC. I wish I could stay with her…

Instead, we're stuck in this tiny, pathetic little reservation on the coast.

I hate it. And I miss my dad…

**Oh: The person who sends me review #100 will get a life-sized, Edward-shaped cookie, complete with sparkles. And a chapter dedication. Although I'm sure you'd rather have the cookie. I would...**


	42. Prom, 26th Oct

**So I was reading Eclipse today (for like, the hundredth time) and got to the bit in the clearing with the Volturi. By some crazy coincidence, the song that came onto my iPod at that very moment was the song 'I Don't Know' by The Mitch Hansen Band (they do twilight-related stuff.) (Also-- iPod was on shuffle, so it really was random.) (Youtube the song, please, if you haven't heard it. It's awesome.)**

**Anyway, the point of my drivel is that I was reminded of the character Bree, the newborn teenage vampire who the Volturi killed, despite the fact that she had surrendered. The songs lyrics go something like, _'Does she remember who she was? Brothers, sisters, parents? Does she even have a name?'_**

**Basically, what I'm trying to say is that it got me thinking about her. So I decided she could have a drabble.**

**(This is a very long authors note, and my page breaks aren't working.)**

**_Darn Computer. -THIS IS A PAGE BREAK-_**

**Date: 26****th**** October**

**Character: Bree**

**Stimulus Word: Prom**

**Dedication: ****_Goes to Singerqueen43, for being my unwitting reviewer #100. Have a life-sized, Edward-shaped, sparkly cookie!_**

**_Actually, I made excess cookie dough... so that means cookies for xsincerity, LynnyLiz, bbbff1996, MidnightxRed, Hollibell and twistedrealityII. Um, yeah. I felt mean. But now there are loads of cookies! YAY!_**

**_-AND SO IS THIS. :)-_**

"Nuh-uh! He did _not _ask you! No way!!"

"I know, right!?"

"I cannot _believe _he asked you to _PROM!"_

"Neither can I!"

"Bree!! You're going to prom with _MATT ROBERTSON! _As in: SENIOR Matt Robertson. As in:_ incredibly_ gorgeous, smart, prefect,_ senior_ Matt Robertson!"

"_I know!"_

"But, why did he ask you already? I mean, Prom's like… six months away, right?"

"More. It's not until June… _8 months! _I'm counting the days!!"

"Aw, Bree, that's so cute!"

"Thanks a bunch, Lindy."

"June seems so far away…"

Both of the girls sighed together, wistfully.

But Bree Wallace had no idea that, come Prom Night, she would not be dancing with Matt Robertson at all. Instead, she'd be missing—presumed dead to everyone that mattered.

And she'd also be getting ready to fight a strange coven of yellow-eyes…


	43. Breakeven i, 27th Oct

**I am a bad person. No, that doesn't exactly cover it... I am the worst writer ever, and apparently have no sense of deadline. I apologise, a million times.**

**Oh-- an explanation. I'm doing another mini-series, because I was listening to the song, 'Breakeven' by The Script, and realised how perfect the lyrics were. So I wrote a sort of interpretation for each line. Italics is Bella, Bold is Edward. The lyrics are divided over eight drabbles. Enjoy!**

**Date: 27****th**** October**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven i**

**

* * *

**_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_.

I can't breathe. I haven't had a good lungful of air in so long. It's a crippling thing, this hole. Even at the thought, the thing sent a wave of pain crashing over my body. I wrapped my arms around my torso, pulling my legs up so that I was curled up. I was beyond tears.

**Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in**

"Please… Please, keep her safe. Make this worthwhile." Though I know I was the most dangerous thing in _her_ world (I am careful not to say, or even think the word—it is too excruciatingly painful.), I know her. I know that she is a magnet for all types of trouble. (She did manage to involve herself with the vampires, of all people) And I know that she is dreadfully stubborn.

"Please, keep her safe… Have my soul, but keep hers… it's too precious to lose…"

_Cos I got time while he got freedom_

Time stretches. I lose track of it all. He left to give my freedom, and I am more trapped than ever. He is free, and I am broken.

**Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even**

She will forget, someday. Sooner rather than later, I hope. But my heart is broken. Shattered beyond repair—and it was I who left her.


	44. Breakeven ii, 28th Oct

**Sorry. Again.**

**Breakeven #2 :)**

**Date: 28****th**** October**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven ii**

**

* * *

**_His best days will be some of my worst_

That day in the forest. I suppose he remembers it happily, the day he finally got rid of the annoying human. The day he was set free. The worst day of my life.

**She finally met a man who's gonna put her first**

I didn't cheat. I was not watching. But Alice knows—and who am I, to bet against Alice? Jacob Black, though not the ideal replacement (ideal would not be a replacement at all) can keep her safe.

Even if he is one of the Quileute.

He isn't in any danger of killing her.

**While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping**

Even if I could sleep, I would not be able to. Nightmares, for one—they plague my waking dreams. She sleeps, because she has to. Because she is only human. She has already forgotten, I hope.

_Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven_

I hope that he is happy, enjoying his distractions, wherever he is. I have enough love left for him to want that for him. I have enough love for him to haunt me for a lifetime. I hope that some good will come of this nightmare.


	45. Breakeven iii, 29th Oct

**Here! Have one, on me!**

**Date: 29****th**** October**

**

* * *

****Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven iii**

**What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?**

**

* * *

**I am nothing, nothing without her. She was so beautiful, so perfect—and she completed me, like Esme completes Carlisle, or Alice completes Jasper. How can I go on, incomplete, broken as I am?

_What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok_ay?

He has come out of this happy, better off. He was like a child, in that sense, and I was his toy. He grew tired of me, eventually.

Like I always knew he would.

I cry. I cannot stop the tears from falling down my face, and I choke.

**I'm falling to pieces**

If only I could die. Be torn apart, and burned.

_I'm falling to pieces_

My hole aches, and I have to hold myself together. Or fall to pieces.


	46. Breakeven iv, 30th Oct

**I have no inspiring authors note, sorry.**

**

* * *

****Date: 30****th**** October**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven iv**

**

* * *

****They say bad things happen for a reason **

What reason, other than to maim, to kill? To destroy all hope, and never allow the broken to stand again, to regain their footing.

_But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding_

Reason or no, I was bleeding internally—oh, the irony!—and I was broken.

**Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving**

She has done precisely what I wanted her to do, what I meant for her to do. She has found comfort, solace in Jacob Black. She has moved on.

_**Cos when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven**_


	47. Vampire, 31st Oct

**I'm not done with my ScriptFics, I'm just doing a Halloween one. Poor Bella!**

**

* * *

****Date: 31****st**** October**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Vampires**

**

* * *

**The first time the doorbell rang, she jumped violently out of her skin. She hadn't exactly been expecting it. For a moment, she waited for her father to answer, listening from the relative comfort of her bedroom floor where she lay. But Charlie wasn't home yet.

Bella forced herself to stand up and go quickly downstairs. The doorbell rang again impatiently. She unlocked it quickly, pulling it wide and shuddering as a gust of cold wind caught her off-guard.

Two kids stood in the flickering light of the porch, their mother behind them. The small girl was dressed as a princess, complete with long, pretty dress and plastic tiara. But it was the boy who held her attention.

His black cloak was long, with an upright collar. His skin was chalky-white, thick with face paint. Blood-red plastic fangs stuck out from beneath his upper lip.

Bella saw all this in a moment, just long enough for the boy to cry, "Trick or Treat!", before she slammed the door violently on them.

She collapsed exactly where she was, sobbing.

The doorbell rang again, but she could not find the will to stand up and explain. She merely allowed herself to cry.


	48. Breakeven v, 1st Nov

**Caught up again. I am sorry, really... :/**

**

* * *

****Date: 1****st**** November**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven v**

**

* * *

**_What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you?_

Boring, plain Bella Swan. My life changed, for a while; I was interesting, I was really _alive, _for the first time. I discovered the best part of me—my other half, missing piece. And now he's gone, and I'm broken.

**What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?**

She would be fine, she would move on. Because her mind was a sieve—like the minds of all humans. I knew the human mind best of all. I was the closest thing to an expert ever living. Not that I lived, exactly…


	49. Breakeven vi, 2nd Nov

**Woah, this one is short. Unintentional, I promise. Sorry.**

**

* * *

****Date: 2****nd**** November**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven vi**

**Dedication:_ Kaname-chan12, who left the loveliest review, and Kuntzy111 who has had one coming for a while, I just never got around to it. :/ Oh, and to everyone else who reviews! 126 reviews is awesome, seriously. The best I've ever had, by an awfully long shot. Thank you all!!_**

**

* * *

**_I'm falling to pieces_

I need him. I need him. He was the glue that held the pieces of me together; I was nothing without him, only pieces of random debris. He had ripped me apart, as efficiently as a bomb or gun would.

**I'm falling to pieces**

I need her. I need her. She was my everything; is my everything. My wonderful, beautiful Bella.


	50. Breakeven vii, 3rd Nov

**The second last of my Breakeven mini-series. By the way, if you've never heard the song then WHOA! You're missing out. I'm serious... it's so awesome.**

**Anyways, sorry for missing the deadline. Again. I was at drama last night. :)**

**

* * *

****Date: 3****rd**** November**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven vii**

**

* * *

****You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain.**

She has mine. My heart is hers, and there is nothing either of us can do about it. I will forever be hers. Trouble is, she has his heart too. Jacob Black's. I've seen the way he looks at her. I know his mind. He is hers, and I am hers.

_You took your suitcase, I took the blame._

He left, and I am alone. He left me with my broken heart. The blame—it is entirely my fault, of course. I should never have let myself become so involved. It was stupid, and naïve. And now, look where I am! Broken, forgotten, alone. Living a life of monotony.

**Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains **

There is nothing left. There's no need to make sense of it, because literally… nothing.

_Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name._

I have nothing to give. I'm like those motorcycles. For sale. As is. Like the house I imagined. Broken beyond repair—maybe the front room is a little better, but deep down I have nothing. I am nothing.


	51. Breakeven viii, 4th Nov

**The concluding conclusion! Yayness! And OMC Bonfire night is tomorrow. Und ich liebe die fireworks! I'M SO EXCITED. Ich bin pyromaniac!! xD (You can ask Caitlin, it's true. And, for the record Caitlin, I changed itch. Are ya happy now?)  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 4****th**** November**

**Character: Edward/Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Breakeven viii**

**

* * *

****I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing**

Not that breathing is a necessity. While I was with Bella, Breathing was a good thing. It made me more human. And I have not been alive in oh-so-long. Too long, perhaps. It would be better if I removed myself from my family's presence; I only cause them more pain. That would be better, I think.

_Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in_

There is no god. If there is, then what did I do wrong? What did I do, to deserve this? No-one should have to go through this. No-one.

**Cos I got time while she got freedom**

She is free of me, finally. Free to live her life the way that nature intended. She will go to college, get married… maybe even have kids. She deserves that. If anyone deserves happiness, it's her. But perhaps I am biased…

_Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even_

I hope that he is happy, because I am not. I hope that wherever he is, whatever he is doing, he is happy. I hope that there is some point to this. I hope that this is worthwhile, in some way. I hope the he benefitted from my absence, even though it is painful for me. I hope that it was a clean break, for him. I hope for many things.

The one thing I do not permit myself to hope for is his return.

_**What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you  
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok  
I'm falling to pieces  
I'm falling to pieces  
(One still in love while the other ones leaving  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)**_


	52. Gunpowder, Treason and Plot, 5th Nov

**Um, yeah. It actually just occurred to me that pretty much nobody celebrates Guy Fawkes Day, except for the British. Which means that no-one is going to have a clue what I'm on about. Damn.**

**Okay, so on November 5th 1605 a plot was foiled to kill the King. A group of rebels, headed by Guy Fawkes, planted 36 barrels of gunpowder in the basement of Westminster, the Houses of Parliament. The plot was luckily foiled; had the plot gone as planned, the resulting explosion would have reduced most of the old Westminster buildings to rubble, and blown out the windows in houses as far as 1km away. Also, the King would have been killed, as would many courtiers and important Nobles. **

**Britain celebrates the anniversary of this day by setting off loads of fireworks and having bonfires. Don't ask me. I was supposed to be going out but it's cold and drizzling and wet and frankly, I'd much rather be here, in my warm, dry bedroom. Fair enough?**

**

* * *

****Date: 5****th**** November**

**Character: Aro (Volturi)**

**Stimulus Phrase: Gunpowder, treason and plot.**

**

* * *

**Aro of the Volturi grinned widely. It was a slow day in Volterra, so he had decided to amuse himself by sifting through memories of the past. He had lived through three thousand November 5ths, but one stood out above all others. November 5th, 1605. That, too, had been a slow day. He, Marcus and Caius had decided to have a little fun with the British monarch of the day, King James I of England.

It had taken planning, he remembered that. And little plants, here and there. They left 36 barrels of gunpowder buried secretly in the basement of the Houses of Parliament, in an attempt to kill the King and most of his courtiers.

It still gave Aro a vicious kind of joy when he thought about it. The plan had been perfect!

And yet it had still been foiled, by some ignorant human, a man named Thomas Knyvet, though the Volturi were hardly stupid enough to land themselves in it. Oh, no. They framed others; Guy Fawkes being the most famous. They hadn't attended the executions of the innocents.

November 5th was probably Aro's favourite day of the entire year. He loved the explosions of the fireworks, the brilliant fires; and all in his name.

* * *

**I'm not sure about this drabble, or whether my summary of Bonfire Night was actually sufficient. Could you let me know? :)**


	53. Hen, 6th Nov

**Um, yeah. This was just me messing around, poking fun at some unnamed people around me. Of course they don't wear kilts, or even have red hair, for that matter-- it's just me being very stereotypical and nasty. If anyone is reading this and is offended, then I am very sorry. I promise you.**

**MidnightxRed: Yeah, I'm Scottish, too! (At least, I live in Scotland) I don't usually write replies because I'm lazy, but there you go! Random facts that you never knew about me...**

**

* * *

****Date: 6****th**** November**

**Character: Emmett/Rosalie**

**Stimulus Word: Hen.**

**

* * *

**"Ah dare ye."

"Whit are ye on aboot?!"

"Them, ay? The brawny fella an' his burd."

"Aw, hell naw. Hells naw. Naw them. Naw her! Are ye havin' a giggle?! Huv ye seen the size ae him?!"

"Aye, mate. Git yerself. Fur the bants."

"Are ye jokin'? Them…? Mind ye, they're fit as, likes. Specially the burd, ay?"

"Ken. Go on, then!"

"Whit?! Aw, go an' eff yerself. Or better—do it yerself!"

"Aye, bring it."

"Mon, then!"

The two awfully stereotypical and annoying men who, of course, were wearing kilts and had red hair, made their way over to the couple. Truth be told, they weren't entirely sure what they were doing in Alaska—a country so similar to their own. It wasn't even like these Yanks had the beautiful game… Nice bit of 'Fitbaw' to pass the time might have entertained them more.

"Oryte, hen?"

Also, chatting up Emmett Cullen's wife—even if it was just a dare—was not the brightest idea they'd ever had.

They were on the next plane home, with several black eyes and many bruises to contend with.

* * *

**It has just occurred to me that not many of you will have lived in Scotland for 7 years, and therefore probably can not make a head or tail of that conversation. Would you like a translation?**

**

* * *

**"_I dare you."_

"_What are you talking about?!"_

"_Them, eh? The muscled man and his woman."_

"_Oh, hell no. Hell no. Not them. Not her! Are you joking? Have you seen the size of him?"_

"_Yeah, mate. Go on. For a joke."_

"_Are your joking? Them…? Although, they're pretty hot. Especially the woman, eh?"_

"_I know. Go on, then!"_

"_What?! Oh, go and eff yourself. Or better—do it yourself."_

"_Bring it on."_

"_Go on, then!"_

_(Random guff by me.)_

"_Alright, darling?"_

**:)**


	54. Politics, 7th Nov

**Date: 7****th**** November**

**POV: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Politics**

**Dedication: **_**LynnyLiz, who reminded me of the election day in America, and started off another of my random thought tracks… Thanks!**_

_**

* * *

**_The election came and went. Truthfully, I had no idea who was even running. I didn't care.

I didn't vote.

Even though I was now a legal adult, and allowed to vote, I didn't bother. I hated thinking about my last birthday. _(Ignore. Ignore. Don't think about it.)_ And so I avoided all 'privileges' that came from that.

I didn't really care, anyway. What difference would it make to me if some guy was elected, and went to live far away in a large, white house? It meant nothing to me. I honestly could not have cared less. They could have elected a monkey as president and I would not have noticed.

When I heard the results, a few days afterwards, they meant nothing. I didn't care who 'Obama' or 'McCain' were. I suppose that this guy was the first non-white president of the US should have interested me, but I found that I didn't care.

Although the truth was, I didn't care about anything any more.


	55. Cynic, 8th Nov

**This one actually hurt me quite a lot to write. To my shame, I realise now that I have never really thought much about Leah Clearwater. So I decided that she deserved a drabbleI was trying to work out an appropriate time-scale for this all to be happening, and decided that it must have been during the lost months. (October, November, December, January) It seemed sort of appropriate for it to be here, I suppose.**

**WARNING: This is angsty, and it has swearing in it. This fic is rated 'T', so I can get away with that. It's just to let you know. I don't want to offend anyone. **

**

* * *

****Date: 8th November**

**Character: Leah Clearwater**

**Stimulus Word: Cynic**

**

* * *

**Leah Clearwater used to believe in fairytales.

Even long after she had stopped reading them at night before she fell asleep, she was firm in her belief that somewhere, her Prince Charming waited for her.

When she met Sam Uley, it felt like all her fantasies were real. Here was the handsome Prince, come to whisk her away on horseback (or at least in his battered truck). He was perfect.

It seemed right that he felt exactly the same way about her. Meant to be.

He occupied her dreams, her every waking thought. She loved him. And he said that he loved her. She had imagined marrying him, someday—she'd like that. Leah was one of those girls who had spent hours, as a little girl, planning her own wedding. Sam fit right in.

That all changed when Emily came to stay.

Leah had introduced them, wanting to be polite, and then…and then…

And then her fairytale had dissolved. Like the crap it truly was. It was like her fluffy, happy view of the world had finally changed, and suddenly, she was in the real world. A world of betrayal, and heartbreak, and cynical hatred.

The harsh reality, where there was no such thing as true love. It was another of those stories. Another fairytale that never would come true.

She burned her cherished collection of stories, ones that she had had since a child. She hardened her heart and her exterior, became the ice queen. Inside, she thought she knew what it might be like to be an ugly sister. An ugly fucking sister.

Abandoned; Lost; Hardened; Cruel; Cynical.

* * *

**Oh--I'm still looking for Shakespeare quotes. I have a few good ones which I'm working with, but are there any more? They would be appreciated. Thanks!!**


	56. Aslan, 9th Nov

**It's not that I don't love you, I swear. But stuff is c-r-a-z-y at the moment, because my exams (GAH!) start next Wednesday.**

**I'm catching up just now, because I have a half day, but to be honest, it's only going to get worse. So I'm sorry, in advance. Just…bear with me.**

**

* * *

****Date: 9****th**** November**

**Character: Jasper Hale (He hadn't had his own one, yet…)**

**Stimulus Quote: "Why? Why not? Why not you? Why not now?" –Aslan.**

**

* * *

**"_Why? Why not? Why not you? Why not now?"_

Jasper scowled, trying to escape the tangle of his inner thoughts—a monologue that often sounded suspiciously like Alice,

He had to see Edward. Had to apologise for what he'd done. Had to tell his brother in all the ways that mattered how incredibly sorry, how overwhelmingly guilty he felt.

Internally, he cursed his weakness. That, and his apparent inability to convey feelings through words.

For now, Japser would have to drown in his own guilt. But he _would _apologise. Someday.

"_Because it's too hard…"_


	57. Aesthetics, 10th Nov

**Date: 10th November**

**Character: Esme Cullen (She hasn't had one, either.)**

**Stimulus Word: Aesthetics.**

**

* * *

**Esme Cullen let her mind wander as she delivered the lecture to the group of design students before her. It wasn't, after all, something she had to think about.

She had been surprised—shocked, even—when she had been asked to give a lecture at the University of Alaska, as a guest speaker. Interior design—and the aesthetics involved—was her field of expertise, though, so she had agreed.

She allowed her mind to wander, as it often did when she was not in the company of her eldest son, to Bella Swan.

So she was shocked when she realised that the room full of students sat, waiting expectantly. She realised that she had been asked a question.

"I'm sorry?"

"I was wondering about the aesthetics involved in other projects that you yourself had undertaken."

"Oh!" Esme's mind flickered to those designs—the beautiful designs that she had planned for Bella's room in the Cullen house, and she suddenly found that she could not speak.


	58. Remembrance, 11th Nov

**To those who died so that I could live. For those that fought so that I could live in peace. To those that were oppressed, so that I could live in a world that was not oppressive, this is for them.**

**God bless.**

**

* * *

****Date: 11th November**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Remembrance**

**

* * *

**The minute's silence today had been painful.

While others thought about people they had never known, places they had never seen, battles that they had never fought, she thought about one who had died before he had really had the chance to fight, though he had wanted to.

For one minute out of the 82,074 since he had left her, she allowed herself to think—to really think—about him.

It was brutal. It was beautiful. It was painful beyond belief.

And it was far, far too short.

* * *

**UPDATE: The original number of minutes was 4852800. But I realised that that was actually the number of -seconds- since he left her, not minutes. This is why I am going to fail my maths exam, in just over one week's time.**

**Sorry.**


	59. Tennyson, 12th Nov

**I love this quote...**

**

* * *

****Date: 12th November**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus Quote: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"**

**—Alfred Lord Tennyson**

**

* * *

**I console myself with the fact that I have not been alone for my entire life (existence?). I have loved, and I know what it means to be loved in return. I am safe in the knowledge that I was once loved.

No more, however.

But I could not miss this, it would not as be as painful if I did not know what it meant to be loved. If I had never found the person I was most suited for, on the entire Earth.

But I did find that person. And then, I was stupid enough to leave her.

Was I so ungrateful?

But I left. I left her. Not because I was ungrateful; how could I not be grateful, with an angel by my side?

I left for her safety. She is safer without me, she always will be.

I love her. I always will love her, forever.

And it is true; its is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all…


	60. Europe, 13th Nov

**Date: 13th November**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Europe**

* * *

He had been spending time in Europe lately—anything to get away from old memories. It was there that it occurred to him that he could be doing something relatively productive. He could be protecting Bella in an odd, detached way, couldn't he?

What about Victoria?—the name still made him growl. She deserved to die. He would kill her, because he owed Bella that. He would make sure that the red-haired vampire would never bother her again.

Finally, a purpose.


	61. Children In Need, 14th Nov

**I think that actually, Children In Need is only shown in the Uk, so I guess this might confuse some people. It's basically an annual huge charity event that the whole of the BBC gets involved in. They raise money for kids who are disabled, or looking after disabled parents, etc. They provide clubs, and activites for those who would never normally get that sort of thing. The work they do is really incredible, actually. And this seems like the sort of thing that Esme would throw herself wholeheartedly into, you know? If you're interested, its all over the BBC website. Check it out!**

* * *

**Date: 14th November**

**Character: AU? Pudsey Bear?**

**Stimulus Word: Children in Need.**

* * *

I was entirely speechless. And that didn't happen often.

I could only manage a stammer, as the cool, calm American voice sounded over the phone, making the arrangements for the jaw-dropping amount of money to be transferred to the charity. I could only murmur incoherently.

The voice paused, sounding concerned. "Are you alright, dear?"

I nodded, before realising that I was on the phone, and whispering, "Yes…"

I found my voice again. "I'm sorry… it's not that I am ungrateful—far from it. But it's just… _wow._ Are you… are you sure?"

The woman chuckled, "Of course. If I could give more, I would."

"Thank you. Thank you. I… on behalf of everyone, _thank you!... _Oh! Mr. Wogan, sir!" The boss had just walked into the office, and I wanted to make sure that this woman was thanked for her extreme generosity.

He looked slightly annoyed at being disturbed, but walked over anyway.

His jaw, too, dropped as he heard the amount that this angel was pledging. "Put me on the line… No! Put it on speakerphone! And someone get me a camera!"

A camera was found, and the speakerphone was switched on. Terry Wogan, still incoherent with disbelief, introduced the woman, and invited her to speak.

She did, "Hello. My name is Esme Cullen, and I promise to double whatever money is made tonight."

The office exploded into cheers, which carried on, even as the camera went back to the studio.

And, as months passed, Esme Cullen's generosity was remembered, in the minds of those it benefited. The children who were given a chance, because of it. Young carers who were relieved of some of their duties.

The name of Cullen was not forgotten for a long time.


	62. Rugby, 15th Nov

**I guess this must seem a bit random to anyone who doesn't know me in real life. Yeah, I'm a rugby fan. And today I was at the Autumn test matches, Scotland vs. South Africa. It was awesome! (Even though Scotland lost. But after that kick from Parks... well, we probably deserved to lose. I mean, really. It was truly awful.) But... anyways. I digress. Emmett just seemed like a fairly appropriate character, because he's actually built like a rugby player.**

**This isn't very exciting...**

* * *

**Date: 15th November**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus Word: Rugby**

**

* * *

**Emmett grunted as he powered his way forward, into the tank of a man in front of him. Locking his arms around the man in a vice-like grip, he felled the man, causing him to drop the ball. The sickening crunch as the human hit the ground was disturbing, to say the least. Emmett quickly stood, but it was already too late.

The man was bleeding.

Muttering an apology, Emmett ran as fast as could be considered normal for a human. He had to keep up pretenses, but at the same time, he had to move.

He was not as immune to the scent of human blood as Carlisle or Edward were.

A stretcher was carried out onto the pitch, and the bulky human was loaded on to it. Emmett looked to his family, who were sat in the stands, for reassurance. They smiled grimly at him, and he nodded.

And then, he was immersed in the game once more.


	63. Authors Note: 200 REVIEWS!

**[THIS IS AN AUTHORS NOTE.]**

_GAH!_

_I just saw the review count and was like, "EEEEEEE!"_

_As some of you will undoubtedly be aware, this was my first ever story to achieve 100 reviews. What I didn't imagine was that I would reach 200!!_

_I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed. Ready?_

_Emily Scarlett-Cullen; Selinehale; DeanParker; ClamKidToTheRescue; Nightdancers; Saffiya Scarlett; bbbff1996; T.C. Meade; Kaname-chan12; Aimee Swan-Taylor; black to Leopard-coloured eyes; Aiedail01; HarmoniousPie; ReconRox; Tawny101; Hollibell; LynnyLiz; MidnightxRed; Witchfire2000; MusicAndMyLife; Bella Sparkled; SlapphappySpazzes; Hymnophile; Needmoreplum; twistedrealityII; singerqueen43; xsincerity; PeaceLoveCullen; Starheartswirly; April-Cullen; Kuntzy111; Morte; Vampiress-Ariya; LostInTheLibrary._

_I would particularly like to thank some people, who have made a point of reviewing almost every single chapter. I mean… wow, guys—that's dedication. Saffiya Scarlett, Kaname-chan12, Hollibell, LynnyLiz, MidnightxRed… you guys make my day, you know that?_

_Edward-shaped, life-sized, sparkly cookies on me! Yay!_


	64. Christmas Shopping, 16th Nov

**Basically, it's because I went Christmas shopping today. I know. Sad, huh?**** Shopping said, naturally, Alice. I wrote the outline of this while sat in Starbucks, and filled in the details when I got home. I just wanted her to be spending lots and lots of money...Oh well. Sorry, it is kind of over the top...**

* * *

**Date: 16****th**** November**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus Phrase: Christmas Shopping**

**Dedication: **_**DeanParker, who is the reason for my smile today. Oh yes. She gave me an idea for the next chapter of 'Angelic'… THANK YOU! Hopefully, I'll have it posted by this evening. Maybe...  
**_

_**

* * *

**_Alice was in her element.

Any legitimate reason for shopping was absolutely perfect by her. And here was one—gift wrapped. Almost literally.

It was, by Alice's calculations, only 39 days until Christmas. Which meant that it was high time she started her annual Christmas mega-shop.

Guitar for Jasper… a red one with black and white slashes. It produced exactly the right loud, wailing sound that Alice knew Jasper liked very much. It was only $25,000, too!

Diamond necklace for Esme. $1,613,967.30.

Violet Caroline Castigliano gown for Rosalie. $27,000.

Holiday to Dubai for Carlisle—and Esme too, since she bought two tickets. $12,476 for the plane, $6,232.77 for the hotel.

A motorbike for Emmett—a Harley Davidson, no less. $11,411.43

Edward… Edward was a tricky one. In the end, she replaced his grand piano for $675,000.

Her total shopping bill was very, very expensive. But Alice figured that Carlisle wouldn't mind too much—besides which, she would earn back the money by the next day. There was a trend in the stock market she'd been following…


	65. Fairytale, 17th Nov

**Date: 17th November**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Fairytale  
**

**

* * *

**It's nothing, she thinks.

So what if the Prince has gone away? He'll come back. He has to come back. She needs him. She needs him like she needs air to breathe—it's not like she can help herself.

He told her he needed her the same way.

Liar.

_Liar, liar pants on fire…_

She kissed the Prince, and he turned into a toad. And then he hopped away.

But Bella always knew that Edward was a fairytale.


	66. Fairytale ii, 18th Nov

**Date: 18th November**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Fairytale ii**

**

* * *

**He knows that his fairytale is over.

Actually, it was doomed to be over from the beginning. For a while, she had been his sun…his moon… his world. His everything.

She had been his princess, his one-true-love. They were meant to be, everyone had thought so.

He would know, of course.

Even in the beginning though, it was doomed to fail. He had seen the visions. Red-eyed, static heart. Edward would never let such permanent damage befall his Bella.

It had been incredible while it lasted, but he knows not to kid himself.

He's destroyed his own fairytale.


	67. Undignified, 19th Nov

**Gah, sorry I'm so horrifically late. I suck, I know. But I'm catching up...slowly... **

**These are getting hard to write, you know. I need some inspiration. If anyone has any they could lend me, it would be much appreciated.**

**

* * *

****Date: 19th Nov**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Undignified**

**

* * *

**I trip up more often, now.

I don't know whether it's because there's no-one there to catch me, or whether it's because I have much more to think about now, but it's definitely right. I hate it.

There is only so many times that you can make an utter, undignified fool of yourself in public before you snap.

I don't need Alice to tell me that it won't be long.


	68. The boy who never grew up, 20th Nov

**I was thinking about this earlier. **

**Yes, welcome to the utter randomness that is my twisted mind. Don't forget to wipe your feet!**

**(The last line is a quote form the (2002?) version of the film. I nicked it. Dun hate.)  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 20****th**** November**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Concept: The boy who never grew up.**

**

* * *

**Everything fit, now that she thought about it.

Alice was the pixie. The capricious, loveable fairy. Tinkerbell.

James was Captain Hook; Victoria and Laurent crew members.

Emmett and Jasper would be the Lost Boys. As immortal as their leader, and just as lost.

Rosalie was the beautiful Princess. Stuck-up and pigheaded, but ultimately kind.

Ed—_he _was the illusive person, the immortal boy who never grew up. Peter Pan.

Where did that leave her?

Wendy.

The girl left behind.

Pulled along for the ride as she learnt how to fly, and then returned to the real world, forgotten. She'd grow up. Maybe get married. Have children.

But where would he be? Forever a boy? Permanently alone?

_Forever is an awfully long time…_


	69. The Last Straw, 21st Nov

**I hope someone else gets this...**

**

* * *

****Date: 19****th**** Nov**

**Character: Carlisle**

**Stimulus Word: The final straw**

**

* * *

**It was very rare that Carlisle Cullen got angry enough to shout, fortunately for everyone around him. He was terrifying when he was in a bad mood.

This was one of those times.

"How could you be so _selfish, _Emmett?! This is the final straw!"

Emmett shrugged. Only he knew that it wasn't, in fact, the final straw. There was still one left, stuck to the carton of fruit juice in the fridge.

Stupid, Vampire father.

* * *

**Well, you know, I thought it was funny...**


	70. Desperate Househusbands, 22nd Nov

**Girls rawk! And I've nearly caught up! I may also have just been watching Desperate Housewives... heh...  
**

* * *

**Date: 22nd Nov**

**Character: Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle**

**Stimulus Word: Desperate Househusbands**

**

* * *

**They made us clean. Esme, Rosalie and Alice went out for the day and told us that if the house wasn't spotless by the time they returned, there would be hell to pay.

So we've been down on our bloody (not literally…) hands and knees all day, cleaning the house from top to bottom.

It's better than whatever they might have planned for us if we don't do it, though…


	71. Lunch, 23rd Nov

**This on is pretty boring. But I needed a stimulus so I was all, "Katie! Stimulus!" (My family now know what I mean when I ask them for a stimulus. Sad, eh?) Well, she'd just been asked to make her lunch by the parents, so she (very unoriginally) suggested the word lunch. Oh yes. What a crappy story...**

**My exams start tomorrow. -swears-.**

**

* * *

****Date: 23rd Nov**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus Word: Lunch**

**

* * *

**After a hard day's work yesterday, me and Jazz thought it was about time we cleared out and went hunting again. So, abandoning Carlisle, we sneaked out. Jazz must have bribed Alice to keep her mouth shut, or something.

I can smell a grizzly, too. Today must be my lucky day.

Mmm… lunchtime.


	72. English, 24th Nov

**I recently recieved an anonymous review (okay, so not that anonymous... but whatever) asking if these are losing their point. I know they are. I have raised this before, but now it is nothing less than a desperate plea. I need inspiration, guys. Because I'm running out.**

**As you can see from the stimulus for this chapter. Blah.**

**Cameo character, anyone?**

**

* * *

****Date: 24th November**

**Character: Miss Love**

**Stimulus Word: English**

**

* * *

**English is the power to tell a story. I see stories all around me as I walk the halls of my new post, Forks High. There are scandals whispered, secrets told and love stories unfolding. All you have to do is listen hard enough.

I listen, and I watch carefully.

There's a girl I've noticed. She never speaks, or socialises in any way. She is entirely alone in everything she does.

I wish there was something I could do.

But I cannot—I don't re-write other people's stories. I just tell them.


	73. Maths, 25th Nov

**See? No bloody inspiration. I am failing standard grade maths. This is how stupid I am.**

**

* * *

****Date: 25th November**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Maths**

**

* * *

**Pi.  
Simultaneous equations.  
_The standard of deviation equals sigma x minus x-bar squared over n minus one, all square rooted._

Crap.

--

The numbers blur as I stare at the page. I'm sure this should make sense, but it doesn't. They swim and fly across the page, and they never make any sense.

I should do something about my future, but it's bleak. What do exams matter? Why should I even bother?


	74. Geography, 26th Nov

**Ah, yes. Geography. I spent three and a half hours in a bloody freezing gym hall today, doing a Geography exam. Fun, huh?**

**Surprisingly, no.  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 26****th**** November**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus Word: Geography**

**Dedication: _Amy. The nicest, bestest person/friend/sister you could ever hope to meet. Really. Except she has bad taste in music. I mean really, hon, Mcfly?!_  
**

**

* * *

**He's brushing up on his geography as he travels the world over, searching for some kind of meaning in this meaningless existence. Even a distraction would be nice.

But no, nothing can grasp his attention—not the lights of New York, nor the empty deserts of Africa, or the insanely busy streets of Beijing. Nothing will do. Nothing but a pair of brown eyes.

He's been something of a regular visitor, recently, in South America. He's convinced himself that she's here. He followed her scent—he's sure it was her scent.

Wasn't it?


	75. Chemistry, 27th Nov

**I am dropping chemistry the second I complete the bloody exam. No, really.**

**

* * *

****Date: 27th November**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Chemistry**

**

* * *

**See, she could have sworn there was chemistry between them. That spark. A reaction of some kind. But what does she know? Nothing, apparently.

Maybe she should stick to Biology.


	76. Authors Note: Challenge

**NOT A CHAPTER-- but read it anyway, please. :)**

**A/N:**

**Ready? Set?**

**OhhYess, mein darlings, I have decided to set all of you lovely people a very exciting challenge. Being a bit of an expert on drabbles at the moment, (for those of you who don't know, I'm currently doing a drabble for every day that Edward left Bella. I have done 71, but still have like 110 to go…) I have decided to set a drabble related challenge.**

**I challenge YOU to write an Advent Calendar of twilight drabbles. Oh yes. 24, from the 1st –24th December. I'll be doing it too, I'm just incorporating it into my current drabble story—Drabbles for Bella.**

**The story should be called 'Drabbles for Advent'. I can provide stimuli if needed, but you're very much welcome to make up your own. You know. As the feeling takes you.**

**So… is anyone up for this? PM me, or review this if you plan to give it a go. There's no prize; unfortunately, I'm really not that cool. However, I am willing to write a personalised story for the winner.**

**Oh yeah—the winner will be the set of drabbles that I and my friend, Saffiya Scarlett deem the best. I may also put it up in a poll, if I can be bothered.**

**Oh, and sorry for the lateness of this. Really. :/**

* * *

**Erm, you might have to wait until tomorrow for Friday/Saturday/Sundays drabbles. Sorry. I have an audition to prepare for tomorrow...  
**


	77. Drama, 28th Nov

**Blah. It's late. Sorry**.

* * *

**Date: 28****th**** November**

**Character: Jessica Stanley**

**Stimulus Word: Drama**

**

* * *

**Jeez.

Talk about zero drama.

I mean, really. What's a girl to do? There is nothing—repeat: _nothing_ to talk about any more. Ever since the Cullens left, there has been nothing happening. I mean, for the first few weeks at least we had Swan to talk about. You know. Everyone said she had died, or was in a coma or something. Well, until she reappeared at school. Whatever.

The point is, I am seriously bored. For real.

Besides which, Newton still hasn't asked me out…


	78. Even angels fall, 29th Nov

**:)**

**

* * *

****Date: 29****th**** November **

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus Phrase: Even angels fall**

**

* * *

**They say that Angels fall, every once in a while.

Load of crap.

Angels are supposed to be completely perfect; incredibly, surreally flawless. That's how humans perceive us. It's pathetic. A real angel would not have killed people, the way I have.  
A real angel would not have destroyed his own existence.  
Or that of an innocent.  
A real angel would not be considering suicide. (Alice watches me carefully)

But then, A real angel would never have involved himself in the first place.


	79. St Andrew's Day, 30th Nov

**So, St. Andrew? Anyone ever heard of him?**

**

* * *

****Date: 30****th**** November**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: St. Andrew's day.**

**

* * *

**I fill my head with meaningless crap, to try and distract it from what it always seems determined to come back to.

Hmm…

St. Andrew. The patron saint of Scotland. Crucified on an X-shaped cross. Because he could not compare himself with his leader, he didn't want to.

A martyr.

I heard a song, once. _The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage. _

Um, yeah. Okay.

I'd still rather be a martyr. Not that I believe in anything.


	80. Advent, 1st Dec !

**Hey! By the way, has anyone else read the Authors note a couple of chapters back, about my 'Drabbles for Advent' challenge? I'm still open to entries, so please don't think it's too late! Thanks. :)**

**

* * *

****Date: 1****st**** December**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus word: Advent**

**

* * *

**In my ignorance, I had forgotten. It wasn't until Charlie pulled out the chocolate advent calendar that I remembered.

Damn.

I hate this time of year.

Bah, humbug.


	81. Advent ii, 2nd Dec

**Longer one, anyone? And I've caught up. So hah.**

**UPDATE: My tenses suck. Thanks to _Starheartswirly_ for pointing that one out, you rawk! Much love.  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 2nd December**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus Word: Advent ii**

**

* * *

**This has always been my favourite time of year. I love the snow. I love the way it falls, the way it hides blemishes the way nothing else can, just blankets them in a thick, white veil.

It's beautiful. The patterns that spin on the windows. I watch them forming, just for something to do. My eyes pick out miniscule details that human ones never could.

The presents, too. Hell, it's an excuse to shop. I mean really, would I ever pass that up?

Christmas day. The childish glee emanating from Emmett, and the joy from everyone else—even Rose, though she always hid it behind casual disdain. I'm not fooled. I know she loves Christmas as much as the next person. And so does everyone else.

But Christmas this year will be different—an altogether bleaker affair. Edward will not be coming home. I know, even without the vision to back that assumption up. I don't see him coming home. It will be odd. Edward has always been here. It will be the first Christmas that I remember without him. And it won't be the same.


	82. Advent iii, 3rd Dec

**Guys! An important fact recently came to my attention. We are now exceedingly close to the big one... we coasted to one hundred, sped to two hundred... and now it looks as though three hundred reviews isn't so far off. I mean, whoa. This is huge. Before this story, my story with the most reviews only had 91. You have no idea how much it means to me, so thank you all! Anyways, I know it's a lot to ask-- but do you think we could reach three hundred reviews on this one chap? I know it's eleven, but I also know that a fair few people read this. More cookies for reviewer number 300!! Thanks. :)**

* * *

**Date: 3rd Dec**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus Word: Advent iii**

**

* * *

**Christmas means different things to all of us. It's completely the opposite for Alice, for example, than it is for me. For Alice, it's shopping. Not to mention the giving and receiving of gifts.

But I've reached the point where I don't want any gifts any more. It's not like I need than. There's one thing I want, and it's impossible.

Not even Alice, queen of purchasing, could get me this for Christmas.

"_All I want for Christmas…"_


	83. Advent iv, 4th Dec

**Gah, Rosalie. I pretty much suck at writing her. My day has been pretty great, though. After the Physics exams (okay, not so great), we went up town to see Princes Street with all the Christmas lights and shiz up. We went on the Ferris wheel, and then went and sat in Starbucks for four hours, playing poker with minstrels. It was awesome!**

**My phone call hasn't come yet, about the audition. Thanks for the luck though, I appreciated that. :D**

**Oh, and YAY! 300 REVIEWS! Christmassy, Edward-shaped, life-sized sparkly cookies for reviewer Number 300... Saff! Love you loads! Actually, I love you all. You can be having mini versions of the real thing. Plus, some minstrels used for poker chips. Lucky you!**

* * *

**Date: 4****th**** December**

**Character: Rosalie Hale**

**Stimulus Word: Advent iv**

**

* * *

**I love Christmas.

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

But really, I do. Even if I hide it. Like, all the time. I love the build-up, the excitement. Not to mention, the colour red looks great on me…

But even I can see that Christmas this year is all wrong. Without Edward, I mean. I've pretty much hated him since we met, but that doesn't mean I don't realise his significance. And if Isabella Swan is the key to having him return, well maybe… just maybe… it's time to bring them both home.

* * *

**Thank you, once more, to all my reviewers. Seriously, I have had some amazing ones. About the creativeness of my story and stuff. It means so much to me, and every one of you has helped me on my way to 300. You're the reason I didn't drop this whole project after number one. Thank you so much everyone, I love you all!**


	84. Advent v, 5th Dec

**Frulich Weinacts! Heute sind Deutsches Weinachts. Ich komme aus Deutschland-- Ich war in Laarbruch getragen. Aber mein deutsch sind nicht so gut, oder?**

**Um, yeah. Sorry. For those of you who don't know, today is German Christmas, which my family still celebrate-- even though we left Germany ten-ish years ago. But, hey. I get german chocolate (the best in the world, didn't you know?) I'm not complaining. Random trivia for you all. Without further ado, Emmett!!**

* * *

**Date: 5****th**** December**

**Character: Emmett (And it's not even a stupid one. I mean… gah!!)**

**Stimulus Word: Advent v**

**

* * *

**Christmas just isn't the same.

Duh. I bet you've heard that a hundred times. But, really.

Edward is the one who glues us together, I reckon. The only rational one in a house that's permanently full of irrational, love-struck, teenage vamps. He keeps us sane, most of the time. In a way, he's the most human—or he was, anyway. Until he left Bella, and promptly destroyed his existence.

There's no doubt in any of our minds that Eddie made a huge mistake in leaving her. Really. Shame he's too pig-headed to see that for himself. Actually, he's killing himself. Slowly and painfully. But he'll come to see that he was wrong. Very, very wrong.

He'd better, anyway. He's not the only one who misses the newest addition to the Cullen family…


	85. Advent vi, 6th Dec

**So, I got lots of chocolate this morning. :)**

**

* * *

****Date: 6****th**** December**

**Character: Jasper**

**Stimulus Word: Advent vi**

**

* * *

**I can't face him.

Not after what I did.

I'd have to be crazy to even want to, for starters.

Whoever said that Christmas is the time for forgiving and forgetting was wrong. So incredibly wrong, that if it wasn't so all-consumingly heartbreaking, it'd be funny.

I should never be forgiven. I know that. I've accepted that. No matter how much Alice tries to reassure me, I can never justify what I did.

It still hurts to know that I've destroyed his life, though. Not to mention hers.


	86. Advent vii, 7th Dec

**Carol concert tonight... :)**

**

* * *

****Date: 7****th**** December**

**Character: Esme**

**Stimulus Word: Advent vii**

**

* * *

**I put up the Christmas decorations today. The tree was a great find—Carlisle and I went to look for one last night and found the ten-foot beauty. I decorated it this morning, with some help with Alice and Rosalie. It looks wonderful, veen if I do say so myself.

It's traditional, in our family, that afterwards we sit around the piano as Edward plays, and sing carols. It sounds terribly cheesy, but it's us. And I love it.

Edward, I miss you. If you're reading this, then…please, darling. Please come home for Christmas…


	87. Advent viii, 8th Dec

**Not very christmassy. But I'm not in a very christmassy mood. So.  
**

**On a brighter note, thanks again for the reviews! :)**

* * *

**Date: 9****th**** December**

**Character: Carlisle**

**Stimulus Word: Advent viii**

**

* * *

**I spend far more time at work now than I ever did before. In fact, I often have to be ordered to leave, at the end of my shift. But home is so terribly lonely without the presence that is Edward. There's Esme, of course, and all the rest of them. But Edward—and Bella, for that matter—complete us. We're not whole without them.

I wonder where she is. All of the time. I hope that she's safe, and—if not happy, then at least alive. That's what Edward intended, of course. I doubt that it worked. He is dying without her.

As, I imagine, she is dying without him.

I have so many cures, but I can't seem to find the cure for a broken heart.


	88. Advent ix, 9th Dec

**Okay, so I have something to tell you all. I'm joining the army.**

**Paha! Okay, so not really. But I am going away on an army residential in January, which means that I'll be away for a week, paintballing, rock climbing and other similar activities. HellsYesh.**

**Ooh! Has anyone seen my new homepage yet? It's very exciting. Check the link on my page. :)  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 9****th**** December**

**Character: Charlie**

**Stimulus Word: Advent ix**

**

* * *

**It frustrates me to realise that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot make her happy, take her mind off of things. I wish that I could take her pain away.

It's Christmas! It's not supposed to be painful. But it is. For the both of us.

I try to distract her in so many ways, but it doesn't seem to work.

She's too far gone.


	89. Advent x, 10th Dec

**I think the reason that I do not write Renee so well is that I never really liked her character much. Hmm. Oh well.**

**OMG! Remember the audition? Well I got the part I wanted xD. This means that I will be performing in the Royal Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh and then, if we get through, at the National Theatre in London!! So...yeah. It's really exciting. =D**

**

* * *

****Date: 10****th**** December**

**Character: Renee**

**Stimulus Word: Advent x**

**

* * *

**I love Christmas. The bright colours, the laughter, the warmth. It's my favourite time of year. I have many fond memories of Bella's childhood, the two of us putting up the tree together in Phoenix. I wanted her back for Christmas this year, so when Charlie phoned, asking me to come get her I was ecstatic. Maybe I'd have my Bella back.

But when I got there, she was so different… the word they used was catatonic. And then, when we woke her, she woke up screaming, kicking the place down. I remember a few tantrums from early years, but nothing like this. It hurt me to see my Bella like that.

I left. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't be around her. I'm such a bad parent…


	90. Advent xi, 11th Dec

**Um, yeah. I decided that this one needed some swearing. It's not too bad, but it's just so you're warned. This fic is rated 'T' for a reason, I just don't want to offend anyone.** **Kay?**

**I'm still working on the latest one (12-12) It'll be up in the next ten minutes or so...**

* * *

**Date: 11****th**** December**

**Character: Angela**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xi**

**

* * *

**She always liked Bella. Not in an attention-grabbing, two-faced way like Jess, but in a real, genuine way. She honestly had liked the girl.

She often thinks that she probably still would, if Bella gave her the chance. She hates the way that Bella is so messed up, but she can't talk to anyone. The poor girl is alone in her world, and she only knows one thing that would bring her out. But if Edward Cullen came here now, she thinks she'd probably be more likely to punch him than point him in Bella's direction.

Men, Angela Weber thinks. Such bastards.


	91. Advent xii, 12th Dec

**Hmm, so I was thinking about it... and I was wondering, do you think we could make it to 400 reviews by chapter number 100? I mean, 400 reviews would be amazing. Beyond amazing. But yeah. What do you think? I reckon so...**

**Oh, by the way, could anyone tell me which month St. Marcus' day is? I know it's either March or April the 19th, but... Meh. Does anyone know? Thanks!  
**

* * *

**Date: 12****th**** December**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xii**

**

* * *

**Miserable.

That's the only word she can think of to describe the current state of affairs.

I mean, really.

Pretty damn miserable.

She was never quite the massive fan of Christmas that her mother was, but really, it wasn't like she ever hated it.

Looks like he destroyed that, too.


	92. Advent xiii, 13th Dec

**I'm not exactly keen on Jake, which explains the crappiness of this one. Contrarily however, Book 2 in the disaster that was Breaking Dawn is my favourite one. I dunno. Maybe it's the chapter titles. They were pretty awesome.**

**Meh. Whatever.**

**

* * *

****Date: 13****th**** December**

**Character: Jake**

**Stimulus: Advent xiii**

**

* * *

**"Aw, come on dad… please?"

Billy Black rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Jake, I don't think that our presence will help at all. From what Charlie has told me, Bella is in a bad way. The last thing she needs is us hanging around. It's not fair."

The teenager looked so utterly miserable, that his father almost had to laugh. "Don't worry, Jacob. Next year, alright? Next year, we'll invite them round. Sound good?"

He sighed, but nodded. They exchanged a brief smile, before Jacob disappeared off to join his friends in the garage. He had a car to build, after all…


	93. Advent xiv, 14th Dec

**I was listening to this, and it reminded me of Leah. Meh. Here you go...**

**

* * *

****Date: 14****th**** December**

**Character: Leah Clearwater**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xiv**

**

* * *

**_Last Christmas,_

The memories of last Christmas are painful.

Her and Sam, mostly. They'd spent the whole holiday together; everything she sees reminds her of him.

_I gave you my heart._

It wasn't long after that she'd brought Emily round.

The biggest mistake she'd ever made.

_But the very next day, you give it away._

She regrets it. Of course. How she wishes she could turn back time, not ever ask Emily to come. Would she and Sam still be together?

She thinks so.

_This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special._

Or no one at all.


	94. Advent xv, 15th Dec

**Um, yeah. I seem to have picked up a bad habit in the way of swearing. My apologies!**

**I had a mini lindt reindeer in my advent calendar today. It was really exciting. And tasty. =D  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 15****th**** December**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xv**

**

* * *

**It's been nearly three months. Ninety days since he left her. Eighty-nine, if you don't count the day he actually left. And ninety-three since that awful birthday.

She has to resign herself to the fact that he's not coming home.

Not even for the fucking holidays.


	95. Advent xvi, 16th Dec

**I'm sorry for the crapness. I'm really ill. :( **

* * *

**Date:** **16****th**** December**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xvi**

**

* * *

**This was the closest I'd come. Though I'd contemplated it, I had never really been this close… close enough to actually overcome my fears and just swallow.

I couldn't remember how I had gotten here. There had been no conscious decision to make my way the he medicine cupboard in the kitchen. And now I held the pills in my hand. Twenty-four of them. Perfectly capable of killing me.

I'd be with Edward again…

And then the key turned in the lock, and Charlie walked in, calling my name. "Bella? Bells, look what I got…"

He entered the kitchen as I hastily shoved the pills into the bin. He held a wreath made of holly, the blood-red berries contrasting with the shiny holly leaves.

I remembered why I couldn't ever commit suicide as I hung the wreath on the door. It would kill Charlie…

…Besides which, it was Christmas, wasn't it?


	96. Advent xvii, 17th Dec

**Sorry. Really.**

* * *

**Date: 17****th**** December**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xvii**

**

* * *

**The game was incredibly tense. The Cullens exchanged threatening glances over the tops of their cards. Every face was deadly serious, as they inspected the growing pile of cards in the centre of the green, felt table. It was Emmett's turn.

With a poker face that could rival even Carlisle's, he turned the top card over, to reveal… an ace of spades.

"SNAP!"

* * *

**THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me to reach 400 REVIEWS!!! I mean, WOW, guys. Seriously! I was blown away. Much love to Kuntzy111, my 400th reviewer!! I love all of you guys so much!!**


	97. Advent xviii, 18th Dec

**-sigh- Edinburgh at Christmas... I love it.**

**The lyric at the bottom is entirely the property of , one of the music teachers at our school He wrote the song for the Senior Singers at this year's Concert. Meh, I like it. And it sort of fits, though the song ultimately has a happy ending... whatever.  
**

* * *

**Date: 18****th**** December**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xviii**

**

* * *

**He walks the streets.

They're beautiful; all lit up for Christmas. He loves Edinburgh at this time of year, he always has. In fact, he loves Edinburgh all of the time.

The trees that line the Gardens in the City Centre are framed beautifully by white lights, and the brightness of the carnival up ahead makes him smile for what seems like the first time in forever.

_It's Christmas, after all; it's not a time to blame. _


	98. Advent xix, 19th Dec

**Two words: TWILIGHT MOVIE!! How great was it!? I really loved it! Tell me your opinions, because I need to know if it's just me. And yes, I did go with the 'bite me' tee on, and the 'team Edward' face paint. I'm much cooler than you. :S  
**

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** December**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus Word: Advent xix**

**

* * *

**I took Jasper to the movies today. We'd been wanting to go for a while, and I really needed to get Jazz out of the house, because it's killing him to be there.

We went to see some ridiculous Christmas film; it was fluffy, it was funny… and Jasper hated it.

Damn.

I really should have seen that one coming.


	99. Authors Note: Twilight Film!

**AUTHORS NOTE!**

**Don't worry, the next chapter is coming in like… a minute.**

**Wow, that response to the film was fascinating… It seems like a kind of 'love it or hate it' type of thing. It's true that it was low-budget, which I guess explains some of the things… but actually, I liked it. A lot.**

**One of the reviews actually mad me laugh, though (no offense), when someone referred to Ed's volvo as 'sexy'. That was the one thing that truly bothered me about the film. Edward's Volvo. I mean, of all of the Volvos out there… they choose the bloody C30?! I was pretty disgusted. I was sure they'd go for, like… an S80 at least… or even a C70! But noooo… they go for the crappy one.**

**Sorry, this is my random petrol-head side coming out. Yeah, I really love cars. It's sad, but true. I think that might even be half of the attraction to Vamps… they have immense cars. I mean… Alice's Porsche? So great… and I am in love with Bella's 'after' car, the Ferrari. I always thought that Eddie's Volvo was a bit shabby, alongside Rosalie's BMW, and Carlisle's Merc, but I mean really… a C30?!**

**(I actually scowled in the cinema, when it came up. I really did. It was so crappy.)**

**Hmm, yeah. The Rob Pattinson thing… I mean, he's hawt, and all… but he wasn't like the Edward I had in my head. At all. And my Edward wins over RPattz any day of the week, tbh.**

**(Mine is more emo. Sad, but true. Skinny jeans and chucks, y'know?)**

**Jackson Rathbone though, during the baseball scene.**

**We were all actually swooning… =S**

**Anyways, yeah… that got a bit out of hand… my apologies! Drabble number 96 cometh!**

**Beckeeeeeee xx  
**


	100. Advent xx, 20th Dec

**Does anyone remember the drabble on the 25th October, 'New Girl'? It was dedicated to my little sister, because it was her birthday. Well, today is my brother's 13th. I thought I'd do the same for him. It's along the same lines; about the same family-- mine. Only different. I guess a recap would probably be a fairly good idea, if you're anything like me...**

**

* * *

****Date: 20****th**** December**

**Character: Andrew (OC)**

**Stimulus: Advent xx**

**

* * *

**Having Katie here is weird, you know? It's just been me and mum for ages. It's weird, having another person around the house. I can't decide whether I like it.

You see, there's this thing about Katie: She's really dramatic. And incredibly messy. Not to mention her singing…

But I guess there's nothing I can do about that. It's not like she's been spending much time here, anyway.

Nah, she just hangs out on the Rez, now. With the local kids. Right weird lot they are, too… she seems to spend all of her time at Leah Clearwater's. Honestly. She only comes home to eat and sleep, and often not even then.

I'm starting to think there's something weird going on with those LaPush kids…


	101. Advent xxi, 21st Dec

**I've been doing muchly in the way of writing recently, for my Christmas post-a-thon. Basically, I'll be updating most of my stories on Christmas Day, as something in the way of a Christmas Present to you all! This means that the drabble is short. Oh! And I've already got the drabbles for the 24th and 25th done, and am quite excited about them. Look out for all of my stories on the 25th! Oh, and the winner of my 'Drabbled for Advent' challenge will be announced on Christmas Day, too. Look out for that!  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 21****st**** December**

**Character: Leah**

**Stimulus: Advent xxi**

**

* * *

**I have to leave. I can't cope with this, the constant fake cheeriness. I hate Christmas, it's the worst time of year.

It's a time for family, and friends.

A time for lovers.

Therefore, it's the time that the heartbroken hate the most.

I count myself among them.


	102. Advent xxii, 22nd Dec

**I HAS LE TWILIGHT SOUNDTRACK!! -hyperventilates- It's so great! (Even though I already had 4 out of the 12 songs in my itunes library.) Meh, whatever. The very fact that they came in a cd that had EC on the front made it worth the £9.99 I paid. Should have bought it on itunes...**

**I also bought: Day and Age, the Killers. This is Alphabeat, Alphabeat. System, Seal. So it was a good day on the music front, all in all. **

**

* * *

****Date: 22****nd**** December**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Advent xxii**

**

* * *

**When she wakes up in the morning, it sometimes takes her a number of seconds to remember why there's no pair of cold arms around her. For some reason, this morning, it takes her longer than usual. Without thinking, she stumbles from her bed, hitting 'play' on the CD player. It's instinct, you know… habitual.

And it nearly kills her when that song starts playing. Clair De Lune. Debussy.

Damn him… damn him… she brings a fist down, and the plastic splinters. The sound is cut off abruptly.

She thought she'd destroyed everything…

As she moves, a floorboard creaks beneath her feet, though she ignores it, as usual. It's strange that she's so near to the truth, and she doesn't even know it…


	103. Advent xxiii, 23rd Dec

**My whole family now has what I had... oops. And since My father has no immune system to speak of, tis not so good... :S**

**I love Alice. Really.**

**Amy: Christmas present was posted yesterday. It is so not going to make it to England before Christmas, so I'm sorry. Um... it's an UnChristmas Present! Sorry, hon... I think the letter explains it all. Ly!  
**

* * *

**Date: 23rd December**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Advent xxiii**

**

* * *

**_Can anybody hear her? Does anybody see?_

She can't make anyone listen. No-one wants to know what she's Seen. They're all pretty tired of her depressing visions. They just don't want to know any more. Even Jasper can't bear it. He left, anwyays. He and Emmett went hunting necessarily. Rosalie went with them. Carlisle's with Esme, who is taking Edward's disappearance the hardest as it is. She doesn't want to know that he's in Forks, because that means he isn't here.

So all that Alice is left to do is sit, trying to re-immerse herself in Bella's future, to see if there's a reunion in the mix.

It's not like she has much else to do; in fact, she could stay here all day…


	104. Advent xxiv, 24th Dec

**Hey guys-- strange thought! There's a chance that the next time I talk to you (even if it is one-sided...meh) will be Christmas Day!**

**So, a very Merry Christmas to everyone. Have a great day. I know I will-- I'll be posting all day! Lmao. Anyways-- tomorrows is like... mega... so yeah. Have a great day today and tomorrow. Reviews are, as always, appreciated.**

**I think this idea was given to me in a review-- but I'm a bad person, and can't remember who it was. Sorry. Love muchly!**

**

* * *

****Date: 24****th**** December**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Advent xxiv**

**

* * *

**It's strangely, morbidly relaxing.

I lie, completely still, as, all around me, the snow falls.

How terribly cliché. Esme will get the white Christmas she was hoping for. I know for a fact that Alice was keeping that one from her; she wanted it kept as a surprise for tomorrow. Snow lands on me. It covers me entirely, burying my body in a thick layer of white. Buried alive… sort of.

I'm a long way from anywhere, but I' not far enough away that I can't hear the thoughts of church-goers.

Midnight Mass ends as the clock strikes the hour. It's midnight, midnight on Christmas Eve, and it's snowing. People spill from the door, and the excitement is felt by everyone, adults and children alike. In spite of everything, I cannot help but smile. This is a beautiful evening… it's just a shame I have no-one to share it with.

But I'll share tomorrow with her. Even if it kills both of us.


	105. Christmas, 25th Dec

**My Christmas present to you guys! An ultra-long set of drabbles, for each of the Cullens and Swans. (They do actually relate to one another, thanks.) I'm posting an update on a load of stories today, and have written new one-shots. They'll be posted today, in a sort of Christmas post-a-thon.**

**Merry Christmas, guys. Hope you have a good one!**

**Becky x**

* * *

**Date: 25****th**** December**

**Characters: All**

**Stimulus Word: Christmas**

**

* * *

**_Bella._

As I chop the vegetables and cook the potatoes and meat, my mind is on other things. I stare out of the window, my fingers seeming to move of their own accord. I see a bird, high above, and it makes me wistful. What I would not give to be able to fly like a bird; to fly, high above everything, away from my troubles… I'd never have to come back here, back here where it hurts so much.

As I look away, my eyes catches on the bird that I have just finished stuffing. Dead, motionless, utterly devoid of meaning. The flightless bird.

"_You're swimming now, but Swans were meant to fly…"_

Sometimes, I hate_ him_.

* * *

_Edward_

I watch her.

I sit in the tree, utterly still, and watch her. I have to hold on tightly to stop myself from flying back to her. I watch as her gaze soars with the birds that fly across the grey sky, and then flickers to something unseen.

Her gaze is pained as it moves from the window, and my dead heart breaks.

That was me. I did that. But I'm only going to make it worse—for both of us—if I re-enter her life.

But I can watch from the sidelines, and I do. I whisper words to her sleeping form through her upper window as, hours later, she dreams.

"Merry Christmas, love…"

Sometimes, I hate myself.

* * *

_Esme_

Edward never did show. We opened presents and laughed and sang cheesy songs as Rosalie played the piano… but it was an elaborate façade, really. There was no real meaning to it.

If I was still human, I'd have been crying. As it was, I had no choice but to smile and go along with it.

Sometimes, I hate my son.

* * *

_Alice_

I saw Edward going back. I was so happy, I truly was… I thought he'd finally come to his senses. But I should never have gotten my hopes up, because it only hurts more, now that I know the truth. I should have Seen that he wasn't going back to her, just going back to spy on her. But I was too naïve, too trusting. As always. I'm with Jasper now too, because the emotions downstairs are too much for him. Edward has ruined Christmas for all of us.

Sometimes, I hate him.

* * *

_Rosalie_

Edward is making everyone unhappy, and he's not even here. In this elaborate act that we put on, he is the key. He is the reason that we do not often fight; the peace-maker. We haven't fought now, but that's only because the whole family is so subdued. I'd rather we fought, because we were excited and lively than… than this. It's like a parody, but it's not funny. Not in the least bit funny.

I miss Edward.

I'd never tell him that, but he knows. Of course. It's hard to keep secrets from him. That's why I made no secret of the fact that I envied Bella, because he would know. And that's part of the reason he left. He thought that the envy was tearing apart the family, too.

Sometimes, I hate Edward.

* * *

_Carlisle_

I have to stay home today, but my mind keeps drifting back to my work.

We sit in the large, open living area. I hold Esme as she tries to stop herself from breaking down into tearless sobs. Alice is with Jasper, and even Rose and Emmett are subdued. This is his doing. My son is the one who has brought all of this bad feeling, this despair, down upon my family.

Sometimes, I hate Edward.

* * *

_Jasper_

The emotions are so tense, everywhere I turn. I had to leave the room because of them. It's a bit better up here, like the emotions are diluted, but it's not much better.

Hatred would be the main one I can detect. Ruefulness and sorrow and boredom would be the next few. But the sheer amount of hatred currently projected at Edward is stunning.

Mostly because it's so universal; everyone feels the same.

I'm ashamed to say that I agree with them.

Sometimes, I hate him.

* * *

_Emmett_

I'm so bored. There's nothing here without Edward. Really, I can't be bothered with this. There's no-one to annoy, or laugh at. Edward was that person. But now he's gone, the spoil-sport.

Carlisle won't even let me go hunting, because apparently we should, "All be together at Christmas."

So much for that.

Sometimes, I hate Edward.

* * *

_Charlie_

Bella serves up the food, but she still looks the same. Lifeless. I choke every time I see her listless expression. I'm considering phoning Renee, actually… she knows Bella better than I do. She's better qualified to look after her.

I can't help but blame the one who made her like this in the first place.

I always hated Edward Cullen.


	106. Pantomime, 26th Dec

**Wow-- the post-a-thon went down a treat on Thursday! Glad you liked it, tbh. With regards to the one-shots I posted, 'Phone Call' and 'I'll keep hoping, as she keeps dreaming', they will stay as such, despite the reviews. For 'Phone Call', for example, I received 14 reviews, and every single one of the asked me to make it into a multi-chap. But I'll stick by my reasoning-- there are a hundred stories that are similar. If I continued it, would it really be any different than any of the others? Sorry, I just hate stories that are dragged out. I think that I said what I wanted to say, and I'll leave it at that. I'd be more likely to update 'I'll keep hoping as she keeps dreaming', but even that is a bit cliched. I'd rather leave it as it is; let the optimists imagine that Bella woke up, and everyone else to picture Bella's death. Alright? I'd rather keep people asking questions, than set the story in stone, so I'll leave them both open to interpretation. Sorry.**

**Oh yeah-- this one is inspired by the pantomime I went to see yesterday, though there were no vampires in that one. Shame. Today's drabble will be posted later.  
**

**

* * *

****Date: 26****th**** December**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus: Pantomime.**

**Dedication: **_**Emma. Who I know likes the Emmett-fics. Love!**_

_**

* * *

**_Emmett bounced excitedly in his seat overlooking the stage, as his wife rolled her eyes beside him. In all honesty, she wasn't sure why she'd agreed to accompany him to the pantomime, but she was stuck here now.

The lights dimmed, and the curtain rose, to the sounds of the overture. Emmett, if possible, became ore excited, as the villain of the piece stepped forward, to hundreds of 'boos' from the crowd. The burly vampire joined in enthusiastically, as the actor onstage snarled, effectively silencing the excitable audience.

"I am the great ABANEZZER, King of the VAMPIRES!!"

Emmett and Rosalie's mouths fell open simultaneously, and stayed so as the play unfolded. This Vampire King did not sparkle, and he seemed to have a strange problem with garlic and wooden stakes. Emmett was fascinated.

When the curtain finally closed, following an extremely lavish wedding, Emmett stood up, grinning. Rosalie buried her face in her hands. She was no Alice, but it wasn't hard to predict the next words that would come from his mouth.

"I am the great EMMETT, King of the VAMPIRES!!"


	107. Cup, 27th Dec

**This is me being weirdly patriotic. I was at this game last night, hence the late update this morning. It was great, but cold. Meh. Still... w/e. I like the thought of Charlie killing Edward. Maybe that's just me, but I love Charlie's character; he'd do anything for Bella, and it's really endearing. He's such a father-figure. I like him.**

**

* * *

****Date: 27th December**

**Character: Charlie**

**Stimulus: Cup**

**

* * *

**I try to watch the TV as I hear Bella in the kitchen. It's the rugby, all the way from Britain. The Edinburgh against Glasgow cup. I've been waiting all year to watch this, but it's lost the excitement. I hardly pay attention, even as the game reaches its climax. Even as I try to concentrate, I find that I can't.

I don't know if she knows that I can hear her sobs, but I learnt a long time ago that it is completely useless to intervene. So I have to keep my focus.

Someday, I'll make it better for her. Someday, I'll make it right. Someday, I'll kill Edward Cullen. I swear it.


	108. Family, 28th Dec

**I'm like, literally, about to write today's drabble. Sorry for the lateness, I've been writing feverishly to complete, 'Hallucination' and 'Shadow', both of which are now done. I'm also fairly close to finishing 'Slipping Away' now, too, which is sort of exciting. But whatever. Enjoy!**

**

* * *

****Date: 28****th**** December**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Family.**

**

* * *

**I went back to visit the family today. I shouldn't have gone.

I'm no Jasper, but I didn't need to be. You could almost taste the animosity in the air. I ruined their Christmas, and they resent that. A lot.

I didn't stay long. I could only take so many of their thoughts, after all. Only Esme and Alice even tried to hide their anger, and both of them failed. And, as I sat there in silence, I finally realised something that I should have a long time ago.

They love Bella, too. Even Jasper, who tried to kill her. Even… even Rosalie loves her, in her strange way. She had undeniably become a part of the family; a daughter to Esme and Carlisle, a best friend to Alice, a little sister to Emmett and Jasper, and… even a sister to Rosalie, albeit an annoying one.

I'd taken Bella away from them, too.

But there again, I'd accepted long ago that I was a selfish bastard.


	109. Wonderings, 29th Dec

**So, another appearance from my cameo role. :)**

**The original stimulus was 'anniversary', because it's six months since my birthday. It's also six months since my dad was rushed to hospital with cancer, but that's another story, I guess. Never mind.

* * *

****Date: 29****th**** December**

**Character: Miss Love**

**Stimulus: Wonderings

* * *

**As I sit on the sofa in my under-heated apartment, I can't help but wonder about the lonely girl. Isabella Swan. I wonder if she ever found what she was looking for. I wonder if she had a miserable Christmas, as I did. I wonder if she ever smiled again.

As I wonder, I pick up my paper and a pen from the coffee table.

And then, I begin to write. About her. About what she's doing, day to day. About her happy ending.

I hope she finds it. I really do. What kind of story would it be, if she died alone?


	110. Tomorrow, 30th Dec

**Heey, guys. Man, I'm exhausted. I was up until 5 am reading 'Bella Hale', by _JulesSC_, which is one of the best stories I've ever read on this site. If you haven't done so already, I suggest you check it out... because it's really great. Anyways. Here ya go!!**

**

* * *

****Date: 30****th**** December**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Tomorrow

* * *

**She watches the future, but it causes her physical pain. She sees tomorrow, and she sees the New Year. It's a new beginning, a new start. She watches as her future self kisses Jazz—not even Edward can mar their happiness. She sees Rose and Emmett's embrace too, and Esme and Carlisle's.

And then she sees Edward.

He's come back. He's come back for the New Year.

But he sits alone, his arms wrapped around his knees, which are curled up against his chest. He's miserable.

She's not Jasper, but she knows that anyway.

His thoughts are in turmoil. She's no mind reader, but she knows that, too.

All she can do is hope for tomorrow. And look out for the moment when Bella returns.


	111. Today, 31st Dec

**Hogmanay, or New year's Eve, is huge in Scotland. Like, bigger than Christmas. It always has been-- in fact, the Scots didn't even celebrate Christmas for hundreds of years after the English started to celebrate it. This drabble is based on one of the biggest traditions in Scotland. So, I guess that makes it educational... sorry.  
**

**The song at the bottom is by Rabbie Burns, and has become huge worldwide. Unfortunately, most people hardly even know what it means. Hmph. Never mind. If you want a translation, drop a review or PM me-- I'll get back to you. And so, without further ado--**

**Happy Hogmanay. Have a good one, aye?**

* * *

**Date: 31****st**** December. Hogmanay.**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Today

* * *

**Her vision has come true. It's just like she saw yesterday. The bell tolls on the television, and the cheers of the crowd are loud as they're projected all around the room by state-of-the-art speakers.

But, apart from that, the room is silent.

Esme kisses Carlisle softly, and Emmett and Rose are wrapped together in a passionate embrace. Jasper kisses her cheek sweetly, and she smiles.

And then she gasps.

A second later, the doorbell rings. It's Edward. They all know it. With a sob, Esme runs to the door and throws it wide. He's standing there, of course. And in his hand, there's a parcel, which he passes to Esme with neither word nor smile.

She opens it slowly, and inside there's a bottle, some crumbling cheese and bread.

Esme doesn't understand, but Carlisle does. He's spent time in Scotland, after all. He pulls his son over the threshold and hugs him tightly, which Edward gently returns. The whole family is watching them, now, waiting for answers.

"First foot. He's the first foot over the door this year. He brings the food and whisky as offerings. It brings him luck for the next year."

With a tearless sob, Esme wraps her arms around Edward again, and the family relaxes slightly.

They all know that Edward needs luck. And a lot of it.

_And there's a hand, my trusty fere, and gie's a hand o' thine!  
And we'll tak a right gude-willie waught, for auld lang syne. __  
For auld lang syne, ma doe, for auld lang syne.  
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet, for auld lang syne._


	112. Author's Note: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

**HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS!!**

**Wow, I guess it's sort of weird that it's now 2009. Doesn't feel much different, really, apart from the fact that I am absolutely frozen.**

**Yeah, every year in Edinburgh there's a huge festival in Edinburgh, and they spend millions on fireworks, and it's great… but really expensive. So, being smart this year, we decided to forgo Prince's Street, and climb Arthur's Seat instead. Now, you have to understand, Arthur's Seat is the big mountain in the middle of the city. It only took, like, an hour to hike up, but it was freezing, and dark, because no-one thought to bring a torch. Meh. The outside temperature is something like -5 degrees c at the moment. **

**So, after watching the spectacular fireworks, we headed back to a friend's flat, ate tablet and had champagne and whisky all round. It was great. **

**Aw, yeah. I forgot about the time difference. Damn, that means it's still 2008 for some people. Sorry guys.**

**Well… happy new year, for when it comes!**

**Becky x**

**P.s-- _shameless advertising_. I've got an awesome idea for a story, entitled '24'. Coming in the New Year, so watch out for that!!  
**


	113. Fireworks, 1st Jan 2009!

**Happy New Year, guys! Sorry, I know that it's technically the 2nd of January, since it's 2:46 am, but whatever. I'm too tired to care. And I have to be up and eight tomorrow morning. Yay! Did anyone actually watch the London fireworks, by the way? We used to go when we lived there-- the ones for the millennium are particularly vivid in my memory, even though I was only seven at the time. I watched the 2009 display on Youtube this afternoon. Pretty cool, huh?  
**

* * *

**Date: 1st January, 2009!! **

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Fireworks.

* * *

**Christmas was a failure. New Year was a disappointment.

In fact, both went out with a sort of attempt at a bang. Like a bad, wet firework. But it ended up as more of a dying fizzle.

I watched the real fireworks in London on Charlie's tv. I didn't really pay much attention, but he insisted I stay. He didn't protest when I disappeared after it was finished, though. I guess he understood that ten minutes of sitting in awkward silence, watching pretty lights flash, as hundreds of thousands of people celebrate, is enough for one day. Enough for one year, really.

When I reached the solitude of my room, I knelt on the floor. Like the night that I couldn't bear to think about, I fell forward so that my cheek rested against the hard wooden floor, and succumbed to weary sobs.

Would this ever get any easier? Was I doomed to be in agony for the rest of my oh-so-very mortal life?

It had to end. It had to end, sometime. It had to be different, this year… it just had to be.

I did not know how much more of this I could stand.

**

* * *

****P.S-- 500 reviews would be AMAZING! Can you manage it? That's only eight...**


	114. Ring, 2nd Jan

**Okay, no annoying author's note. Meh. On the bright side-- flipping heck! Not only did I get 500 reviews, you also surpassed that by bringing the total to 529!! I was completely gobsmacked! So thank you. :)**

* * *

**Date: 2****nd**** January**

**Character: Charlie**

**Stimulus: Ring

* * *

**The doorbell rings.

We both start—me and Bella. I know we're both waiting for someone, and I know that it's different people.

I invited Harry over.

She's still waiting for _him._

I wish I could help her to move on. Help her to understand that no matter how long she waits, he won't be coming back. She stands automatically and moves upstairs. Her slow, dead walk hurts me more than I let on. I know that she's disappointed, hurt.

I open the door and true enough, it's Harry. As I usher him in with a smile, I turn towards the stairs. I don't think that Bella meant me to see the single tear, as she hesitated at the stop of the stairs, waiting to see if the visitor was, by some miracle, the one she's waiting for.

It's going to be a long time before she gives up hope.


	115. Needle, 3rd Jan

**I like Carlisle. I also like Jack Sparrow. Random? I guess so. Don't you love it?!**

* * *

**Date: 3****rd**** January**

**Character: Carlisle**

**Stimulus: Needle

* * *

**Hiking. Most humans would call us crazy for hiking in January, but for us, it's not a problem. Even Edward has tagged along—he shoots me a baleful look as I think this, and then looks quickly away. He knows exactly how much it pains all of us, to see him like this.

Jasper can't take it. He and Alice have left, because Edward's guilt and pain is too much for him to handle.

The needle on my compass whirls momentarily, and I stare at it, transfixed. Another compass flashes through my mind. From a film… Pirates of the Caribbean, if I'm not mistaken. The pirate's compass. The one that points to what you want the most.

"Jack Sparrow?" Edward supplies.

I nod, surprised. It's maybe the first time that he's spoken willingly since…

His expression crumples, and I end that thought there. If the compass I held now was the pirate's compass, and Edward touched it, I knew where it would point.

We all did.


	116. Felony, 4th Jan

**First of all, guys, I am SO SORRY! I know I haven't updated in...forever. For reasons that I don't want to go into, I was banned from the computer. But I'm free! And I can post drabbles again!**

**My apologies, again. I'll catch up this afternoon. **

**550 reviews!! Man, I am totally blown away/astonished/bewildered. When I started out, I never expected a response like this! So thank you, guys. I love you all a billion, even if you're only reading!**

**

* * *

****Date: 4****th**** January**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Felony

* * *

**"Alice, what the hell is going on, here?"

Jasper stared at his wife, who was practically lost in the gargantuan grips of two security guards. She could, of course, have broken their grips in a moment, but obviously did not want to be so conspicuous.

If she were human, she would have been blushing. But she wasn't, so she just looked shamefaced.

"Jazz… the jacket!" She gestured weakly towards a box that had been ripped open. A velvet jacket spilled out, through the hole Alice had obviously caused in the rush to see the damn garment. It had an expensive-looking tag on it. Some ridiculously overpriced label, no doubt. Jasper sighed. Of course—why else would Alice shoplift?

As if reading his mind—though she was no Edward—she looked suddenly defensive.

"I would have paid for it. I just…wanted it…"

"Alice," Jasper was exasperated now; he could sense the amusement coming from the guards. "Couldn't you just have waited until nine, when the store opens? Why did it have to be now? What possessed you to come here at 3am?"

"I saw that I'd be too late! That they'd be sold out! I couldn't let that happen, Jazz…"

Taking his wife firmly by the arm, he handed over a large wad of cash to each of the guards. "I'm terribly sorry about this… you know, women…"

The guards didn't seem to hear him, engrossed by the cash. They let them out without further argument, and Jasper drove Alice home. She was sulking.

She soon cheered up, though, when he promised to take her down at 8:30 the next morning to get the damn jacket.

He rolled his eyes as he saw her usual grin return. Alice was easy to please…


	117. Window, 5th Jan

**Part two of the monster-catch-up: Renee. Yay! I can't actually remember if I ever wrote Renee before...

* * *

**

**Date: 5****th**** January**

**Character: Renee**

**Stimulus: Window

* * *

**As I stare out of the north-facing window in the kitchen, I can't help but think about Bella. Everything reminds me of her—from the desert she used to love, to my own face when I see it in the mirror. I look like her—or rather, she looks like me.

Sometimes, I get confused. Often, it seems like she's the parent, and I'm the naughty kid. I've noticed that.

But I should really have been taking care of her recently; she's been going through this awful time, and she really needs a mom right now.

But I'm not that person. I'm not mature or selfless like she is. I wish I could be.

All I can do is keep staring at her, hoping that she realises that I'm here for her, as her mother, and that I love her, for always.


	118. Performance, 6th Jan

**I think that Saffiya Scarlett gave me the stimulus for this one. Thanks, hon!**

* * *

**Date: 6****th**** January**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Performance

* * *

**School started again today after Christmas. It wasn't much of a change; just that I got to get out of the house, and attempted to distract myself.

I'd never before realised how much of a performance I put on.

Everything was fake. The vague smile. The pretending to listen when Jessica babbled at me. Even the answer I gave to the school counsellor, who seemed concerned about me, was fake.

"Fine, Ms. Murdoch. I'm fine."

_Sure you are, Bella. Just fine._

I'll try to convince myself of that, as I attempt the performance once more.


	119. Supernova, 7th Jan

**Sorry it's short. Meh.**

**

* * *

****Date: 7****th**** January**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Supernova

* * *

**_Exploding into life, like a supernova's light. I'm giving you my life._

You already have my life. I am yours. Forever. You hold the key to me. You complete me. I love you.

I love you, Bella.


	120. Gilded Butterflies, 8th Jan

**I happen to love Rosalie, as a character. I think she's great. And I also think that there's more to her than vanity. Really.**

* * *

**Date: 8****th**** January**

**Character: Rosalie**

**Stimulus: Gilded butterflies

* * *

**Someday, I think, this will all be okay. We'll be happy again. Edward won't be suicidal, and Alice won't be miserable, and Esme will smile. Emmett won't mope, and Carlisle won't spend all of his time at work, and Jasper won't be overhwlmed by all of the negative emotions.

Someday, we'll all be happy. Once Edward has come to his damn senses, and put us all out of our misery.

Someday, we'll look back on these days, and be sober. Someday, though, we'll be thankful for what we've got. Someday, we'll stop to appreciate what we have, without throwing it all away.

_"So we'll live,  
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh  
At gilded butterflies."_


	121. Dedication, 9th Jan

**A quote. I can't remember where it came from. Oh well. I HAVE CAUGHT UP! Like, YAY!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Date: 9****th**** January**

**Character: Carlisle**

**Stimulus: You, whom I could not save. Listen to me." ~Czeslaw Milosz, "Dedication"

* * *

**The family think that I have been avoiding them recently because of Bella. Though this is somewhat true, it is not, in fact, the entire reason.

The loss of Bella hits me hard, because I knew someone like her once… one whom I could not save. There was someone before Edward, you see. Before Esme and Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper. Someone before Bella… but who might have been Bella's twin.

They were so similar. And she was like a daughter to me—I loved her dearly. She was the first that I tried to change, because I was selfish. Because I was lonely, and because I happened upon her one day.

So I bit her. It seemed simple enough. After all—I could remember clearly the vampire who had bitten me. He had merely bitten my neck, and then been chased away. So I bit her.

I am utterly ashamed and mortified of that. I killed her. I took a human life. She, who deserved to live… she did not even get a part in this parody of a half-life.

I buried her on the 9th January, 1647.


	122. Author's Note: Freaking hell!

**Freaking hell!**

**It's been review after review tonight, (not that I am complaining).**

**When I posted today's drabble, just after dinner today, I had 550 reviews. And I just hit 600, which is like… amazing. Really. I am blown away.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed. I mean, really. Particularly Tegan (I still have no idea how she got my penname), reeb[dot]myoo,(Who has reviewed almost all of the chapters so far, and still appears to be reading. I'm impressed!) and Jasper-is-a-god, who had to wait 15 seconds before she could review, due to the site, which made me laugh. **

**You guys have made me minute/hour/day/week/month/year. There's no way I'd have stuck this out if not for everyone who has followed the progress of my ridiculous self-challenge. (Which, like all good stories, started out as a characterisation exercise)  
**

**Obviously, huge thanks to everyone else, too… I really am over the moon!**

**Love, always, Becky x**


	123. Sense i: See, 10th Jan

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for the ridiculous number of reviews!! Somehow, I recieved 110 reviews in the space of less than 24 hours for this story which is... well, it's downright incredible. You guys give me hope, you know? Not that I want to sound at all cheesy, but to quote my favourite film at the moment...**

_**"Love, actually, is all around."**_

**Hmm. I may use that as a stimulus, sooner or later... Oh yeah! By the way, has anyone else realised that we're nearly at January 16th? It's pretty exciting stuff-- because January 16th is the night that Bella and Jessica go to the cinema, and Bella has her first 'hallucination'. So we're nearly at the end of the BellaZombie stage, which is cool. Annoyingly, however, it means the appearance of the second-worst character in the book, Jacob Black. (He loses to Nessie). I will be staying true to the books, however much he annoys me. **

**Thank you again for the reviews, and sorry for the shamefully long author's note! x  
**

* * *

**Date: 10****th**** January**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Sense i- See

* * *

**There are a lot of things that I've Seen over the years. Far more than any human—far more, even, than any vampire. My unique insight is the reason behind that.

As a result, I've seen a hundred—a thousand—different human emotions. Rage, Jealousy, Happiness, Boredom, Helplessness, Depression, Regret, Pain… love. Generally, though, I don't see this many emotions conflicting at once.

Jasper has almost forgotten even his bloodlust in the onslaught of emotional pain.

It will happen, though. This will end. It's going to be over, soon enough.

I've Seen it.


	124. Sense ii: Touch, 11th Jan

**I hope I confused everyone by changing my pen name! :D I wrote a story called, "Musings of a Shaken Mind" and afterwards thought it would be kind of cool to have that as a pen name. I mean, admit it, it's pretty awesome... and I've Becky Scarlett (-Cullen added later) for more than a year now. I'll still sign stuff off as Becky, I guess. And chances are, it'll be changed back fairly soon... but for now, this is it. :)**

**Also: Can we reach 700 reviews? That's only, like... 5. I mean really, with the amount I've been getting lately... it's not going to be hard.**

* * *

**Date: 11****th**** January**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus: Sense ii: Touch

* * *

**Everything I touch seems utterly fragile. Unbearably so. I have to treat everything with utter care and precision, because not only am I a Vampire—I'm also the strongest Vampire.

I am forced to tiptoe around things. Briefly, when Edward left Bella, I was glad—no longer did I have to treat her as if she were a soap bubble. The relief lasted for approximately ten seconds, before I sank down, into the depression that already had much of my family in its grip.

Like the tension in the air. It is almost palpable. Like I once had to tiptoe around Bella, I now have to tiptoe around everyone else's feelings. The whole house stays silent for hours at a time, with all of us in mourning for what we have lost. To break the silence would be utterly disrespectful, and so we do not.

We honour her memory, as if she were dead.

* * *

**I love Emmett as a character, I really do. And I've written a lot of CrackEmmett which, although fun, I find obscenely hard to write. And Emmett isn't actually half as bad as I make him. He's serious every so often. Tell me what you think?**


	125. Sense iii: Taste, 12th Jan

**Sorry it's late! Updating on a Monday is often pretty hard for me-- I have drama. Today's drabble will be posted after dinner. **

**Glad you like the penname, by the way. I was kinda worried...**

**...And I sincerely hope that *someone* understand this drabble. :S  
**

**

* * *

**

**Date: 12****th**** January**

**Character: Jasper**

**Stimulus: Sense iii: Taste

* * *

**The blood tastes cool and soothing as it runs down my throat. I know that all of us see it differently; some of us prefer hunting to others.

Carlisle is reluctant to take a life, even that of an animal… but he has not tasted human blood, as I have. It is not the same for him.

For Rosalie, it is vindictive. She still, after all this time, hates Royce King, and through hunting, she finds her revenge. There is usually a touch of pride for her, too—she has never tasted human blood.

For Emmett, it's a pleasure. There's nothing more exciting, for him, than taking down a seven foot grizzly. He lives for the rush; the adrenaline.

Esme is similar to Carlisle—it's one of the things she shares with him. Though she does not revel in the killing of an animal, she knows that it is necessary, and has accepted it.

When Alice hunts, it is beautiful. She, too, is an innocent; she has never tasted human blood, and I intend to keep it that way. She has not missed anything.

And Edward? He has always hated what we are. He views himself as a monster, and hates the fact that we must take lives to sustain our own existence.

What he hasn't realised is that to kill, we do not have to stop a heart from beating.


	126. Sense iv: Smell, 13th Jan

**Here is today's drabble. Just for you guys. Thanks for the reviews, as ever!! It's only three days, by the way, until Bella 'wakes up'. Excited, much? :) The date is set: 16th January. **

**With regards to that, by the way, I will be staying within the book's timeline. As in: The 16th, in the book is a Friday. In real life, it's a... okay, actually, it's a Friday too. Huh. Okay, that's useful... Never mind, then. Just ignore me!!  


* * *

****Date: 13****th**** January**

**Character: Rosalie**

**Stimulus: Sense iv- Smell

* * *

**She lifts her aquiline nose to the air, seeming to taste the scent, before her black gaze focuses on the object she's searching for. With a practically silent feral snarl that sounds wrong, coming from such a refined woman, she falls into a feline crouch, her every muscle tense.

With one last sniff, and a victorious smile, she leaps forward, past the leaves that hide her prey from her. An unnaturally high-pitched squeak sounds from its mouth as it falls, taken entirely by surprise, to the ground. Predator and prey, entangled, tumble down the slope, until they finally come to rest at the bottom.

With a sweet kiss that seems to completely undermine her previously terrifying behaviour, Rosalie Hale climbs off of her husband, who looks rather put out.

"Found you," she smiles. "Now it's your turn."

He grins, and covers his eyes.

"One… two…three…"


	127. Sense v: Hear, 14th Jan

**Sorry to be bothering you guys-- but I'm supposed to be coming up with a topic for a persuasive essay. Now, I've come up with a lot of ideas--most generic and boring-- but I wanted something original, and quirky. Does anyone have any suggestions? They would be so appreciated, you have no idea! Thanks. :)**

* * *

**Date: 14****th**** January**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Sense v- Hear

* * *

**I hear many things. A lot more than most people, certainly.

When I'm with the family, I am mostly rebuked. They are resentful and, though they try to hide it, they hate what I have effectively done to the family.

I'm not with them now, though. I can't be with them. It's too hard. For me and them, both. Jasper has a tough time of it; Alice suffers from visions of me attempting suicide. I won't go back there, and subject them to that. I owe them that.

I hear, now, the cries of children. Scolding parents. Busy professionals talking into phones. Teenagers arguing. Someone's walkman that's too loud. The waitress's poor attempt at flirting with a man at the bar. An elderly woman reminiscing to her friend. The tapping of a keys on a laptop. The odd note from a guitarist along the street. An argument in the flat on the third floor of the building I'm in front of.

And, somewhere, a confession of love.

I leave abruptly.


	128. Haze, 15th Jan

**I thought I'd commemorate the last of the 'hazy' ones with the appropriately titled, 'Haze'. Oh yes. I know. I am special.**

**If you look close enough (okay, so you don't have to look that closely at all...) you'll spot the title for my persuasive essay. Thanks for all of the suggestions... some would have been awesomely fun, but I'm not sure my english teacher would have appreciated them... So I settled on this. Tell me what you think? (Of the drabble too, lmao...)

* * *

****Date: 15****th**** January**

**Character: Bella/ Edward**

**Stimulus: Haze

* * *

**It's a haze, more so now than ever. She's been numb for so long, but it suddenly got worse today. The colours around her turn to desolate shades of grey and black. She sees no smiles any more, hears no laughter. The words around her have become nothing; a mild annoyance. This is the way her life is, now—she is used to it.

And, far away, he is exactly the same as she is.

_Love is for the masochistic._


	129. Waking Up, 16th Jan

**Massive shouts to:** **put[dot]the[dot]sun[dot]to[dot]shame****, who spent a snowday (!) inside reading my fic. Elliptical, who is now officially married to my drabbles. Reeb[dot]myoo, who had a ridiculously fast response rate—literally, two minutes after I posted, she reviewed. Kiki DeNee, who shares my views on Jake. And every one else, really—not to mention the people who backed up my essay plan. Yay!**

**NationalTreasure—Unfortunately for me, Bella doesn't jump until about the 16****th**** April. So, although we're getting closer all the time, we've got a heck of a way to go yet. Thanks for the review! ****:)

* * *

****Date: 16****th**** January**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Waking Up

* * *

**_Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly; in strange lurches, and dragging lulls—but pass, it does. Even for me._

I make plans with Jess; if only to appease Charlie. She's not like Angela—she won't be perceptive enough to realise that I'm not there with her. Not really.

We watch the movie. It horrifies me, though not in the same way that it horrifies Jess. The Zombie that resembles me, in my catatonic state…

And then, the clarity. The déjà-vu. The utter improbability of such a moment—a dark street, Port Angeles, four strange men outside a bar…

I don't know what I am waiting for, when I step towards them, but I do it anyway. I'm not prepared for the voice._ His_ voice.

"_Bella, stop this right now."_

I wake up. It's strange. The returning lucidity of my senses disorientates and confuses me. Where before, the voices were a dull murmur, they're now loud. They pound against my skull like the waves against the rocks at La Push.

It's sort of frightening.

And it's not altogether welcome.

* * *

**You know what would be awesome? 13 reviews would be awesome. Then I'd have 800. But I'm going to post tomorrow regardless, so...whatever. **


	130. Quileute, 17th Jan

**I hope I did Jacob's character justice. As most of you know, I don't like him, so the next couple of months are going to be sort of hard to write... but I'm trying not to let my prejudice slip through. It's difficult.**

**In response to several reviews-- No, I do not hold chapters hostage. I really hate that. I would have posted today even if I'd recieved no reviews. As it was, that wasn't necessary... (THANK YOU!)... but you see my point? Also- Yes, I am only fifteen.  
**

**And blimey, that was the most reviews for one chapter that I've ever recieved. Ever. I mean... wow. 25 is huge. Thank you!**

**NationalTreasure is now the best friend of my drabbles. Wow, I'm developing quite a family...

* * *

****Date: 17****th**** January**

**Character: Jacob Black**

**Stimulus: Quileute

* * *

**When I heard the rumbling of Bella's truck this afternoon, I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't _really _seen her since Forks' prom, last June. I'd heard the news, of course—everyone in La Push knew that the Cullens were gone, and so I guessed she'd probably be pretty down. But I was happy to see her, all the same.

What I hadn't bargained for was this.

She looked half-dead. Broken. He'd destroyed her. That Cullen.

The Quileute tribe had never really been particularly fond of them, but I'd never had any reason to dislike them before.

I hated them, now.


	131. Motorcycle, 18th Jan

**Okay, this in response to some reviews. Jacob, at this point, does not know--or at least, does not believe--that the Cullens are vampires. His father is a different story, but Jacob never really had anything against the Cullens until New Moon. Sure, they weren't exactly best pals, but he doesn't hate them until he becomes a werewolf. At that point, he believes that the Cullens are responsible for turning him into a werewolf, and so has a reason to hate them. I hope that cleared stuff up.  
**

**And quite a few people seem to share my dislike of the dog, which is pretty funny, actually... :)

* * *

****Date: 18****th**** January**

**Character: Jacob Black**

**Stimulus: Motorcycle

* * *

**This is insanity. It's crazy. Motorbikes. I know the stories, I've seen the images… But something draws me, anyway.

Maybe it's the promise of seeing Bella regularly. Maybe it's the thought of spending time with her. That's probably it.

It is insanity, but I agree to it anyway. I want to make her better, and this seems to be the way to do it. I'd do anything for her, anything she wanted. And, as we banter on the way to the dump, it seems like, maybe, I'm doing the right thing…


	132. Unexpected, 19th Jan

**I know. I am a terrible person. Feel free to hate me. **

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** January**

**Character: Jessica Stanley**

**Stimulus: Unexpected

* * *

**Um, whoa. Okay. So I guess none of us were expecting that.

She's been quiet for months, now. Never speaks unless she's asked a direct question, and even then it's just a word or two. She never smiles. Never laughs. She never even makes direct eye contact, for gods' sake!

And all of a sudden, she's starting conversation. Asking questions. It's weird.

It makes me wonder, what's made her live again?


	133. Time, 20th Jan

**I'll post the rest after dinner. And thank you to StaticMind (who was extremely quick off the blocks!). It's nice to know I'm not hated. Really.**

* * *

**Date: 20th January**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Time

* * *

**How long now? I'm losing track. Only a few months, maybe.

I snort aloud at that. The word 'only' is inappropriate; the connotations of such a word are that it has felt like a short period of time, that it has not felt like an eternity. Like it has not been forever since I left her alone in the woods.

Even to me, though I have lived for a hundred years, it feels like years. Decades. Centuries. Millennia.

I'm through living through a week, or even a day at a time. I'm counting the hours, now. Soon it will be minutes, seconds…

Every single one is a dull blow to my chest. Even though Vampires do not feel pain as humans do, this hurts more than my change. Far, far more. Because I am not just losing my humanity—what is that, compared with her? I have lost everything that I love.


	134. My Immortal, 21st Jan

**Evanescence, anyone? The next couple are inspired by songs of theirs, too. Awesome band. Amy-Lee is my freaking hero.

* * *

**

**Date: 21****st**** January**

**Character: Bella **

**Stimulus: My Immortal

* * *

**You watch the boy opposite you. His head is bent over the paper that he's studying. His long, dark hair falls over one shoulder, and he pushes it absent-mindedly away. He glances up, catches you staring, and smiles.

You feel a lump in your throat. It's not the same, you want to scream. It's not the same. The smile isn't crooked. The hair isn't that odd shade of bronze. The dark eyes aren't a brilliant gold. The skin is too dark, too warm, too soft. This isn't right. He can't replace him, no matter how hard he tries. You wonder, sometimes, if he knows that.

He's not your immortal. He never will be.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.  
But though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along..._


	135. Everybody's Fool, 22nd Jan

**You should probably know that in my version of events, Edward doesn;t ever tell his family that he left Bella to protect. He knew that if he did, they'd convince him how stupid that was. He told them, instead, that he didn't love her any more, just like he told her. Huh. Maybe I should have mentioned that before...**

**Probably my favourite Evanescence song. I don't know. It just seems to ring so true...**

* * *

**Date: 22****nd**** January**

**Character:**

**Stimulus: Everybody's fool.

* * *

**You haven't told them. They deserve to know, but you've kept it from them, all the same. It's too hard to tell them, anyway; you're strong, but there's no way you're that strong.

_Somehow, you've got everybody fooled._

But the joke is on you. There's no-one to share your pain; no-one to ease the burden, though you can't deny that it's your burden, anyway. Not theirs. You've got to bear it alone.

They think you're a selfish bastard. They'll never say it aloud, but it's not like they have to. Not when you're around. You know what they think of you, don't you? You know exactly what they're saying. You know that they hate you.

_And somehow, now, you're everybody's fool._


	136. Bring me to Life, 23rd Jan

**Seems sort of morbid, but I've been wanting to do a Bella-nightmare sequence for a while now, and I was listening to this song the other day. Long story short... I was like, 'Wow, that'd be awesome...'. And here you go.**

**Aside- I'm really not that emo. I promise.

* * *

****Date: 23****rd**** January**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Bring me to life

* * *

**_Wake me up inside_  
It's the same dream, the same nightmare.  
_Wake me up inside_  
Every night. There's no reprieve, no end in sight. You just wander.  
_Call my name, and save me from the dark_  
You wander, you stumble, through the dark. There's nowhere to go. There's just darkness. Every night, it's the same. You're lost in the woods. They spin and swirl around you. They don't form a pattern, but it's not random. It's organised, somehow.  
_Bid my blood to run,_  
You begin to cry, and the tears in this dream world aren't salty. They're blood. Crimson red and painful. You reel backwards, trying to escape the smell. But you can't.  
_Before I come undone_  
Too late, it's too late. You're nothing. You're everything. It's gone. Everything you loved. You can't cry out, you can't scream for help. You just keep crying the tears of pitiless blood. They run, and they run. They stain your white skin red, and suddenly you're a monster.  
_Save me from the nothing I've become_

You wake up, and you're screaming.


	137. Snow White Queen, 24th Jan

**More Evanescence. Boring, I know. Sorry. But it's okay, because there seem to be loads of evanescence fans that read my work! Enjoy. (I hope...)  
**

**All I want for the 24th January is... 900 reviews!! I'm so freaking close... Pretty please?

* * *

****Date: 24****th**** January**

**Character: Rosalie**

**Stimulus: Snow White Queen

* * *

**_You'll never know the way your words have haunted me._

Stupid, ignorant human girl.

_I can't believe you'd ask these things of me._

I didn't ask for this. Any of this. Why the hell did Edward have to fall for her, anyway? What was so great about her? What had he seen in her? And then, just as she had been getting used to her, he'd decided that he didn't like her any more, and dumped her.

_You don't know me._

You never did, did you?

_Now, or never_

And eternity beckons.


	138. Angelic, 25th Jan

**Firstly, please allow me to start with an OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you. I am glad I got that off my chest. **

**Wow.... just, wow... 1045 reviews!? Are you people insane?! Am I seeing things?! You people flatter me, by the way. Ima have to enlarge all of the doors in my house, just so my big head can fit through them. Seriously. HUGE props to pato picante, who took it upon herself to review every chapter. And I thought I was insane... Thanks a billion!! **

**And to everyone else: I've said it before, but there's no way I would ever have kept this up for so long, if not for you guys. You. Are. AMAZING! You all deserve a Cullen. Each. You can have any of them, apart from Edward. Sorry darlings, but he *is* mine, after all.**

**Oh, and I guess that a fair amount of people won't get this fic. It uses the main character from another of my stories, 'Angelic'. (The concept is that there are these Angels, who manipulate Bella and Edward's relationship from the start. It's quite a lot more complicated than that, so you might have to go and read the story, before reading this...) Sorry about that. I think. The next chapter of 'Angelic', by the way, is in the works, and will be posted in the next few days. You have my word.**

**Sorry about the AN, which seems to be longer than the drabble itself...**

**

* * *

****Date: 28****th**** January**

**Character: Devyne**

**Stimulus: Angelic

* * *

**I'm watching her, and it hurts. I'm watching her, and it aches inside of me. I'm watching her, and I know that I can't do anything for her.

I gave her Jacob Black; I thought she'd get better. She hasn't. But for now, that is the extent of my powers. Payn caught up with me, you see, made Edward leave. He nearly killed both of them in the process.

I don't know. I don't know what to do, who to trust. I don't know where Faite and Destinee are. My so-called sisters. I don't know who to turn to. They're all gone; there's no-one left.

In ways, I'm like her. The human girl who is the source of all my problems. I've never even met her, but I know her inside-out. I'm what is called a Guardian Angel, see… I look out for her. Lately, though… lately, I've been failing her.

And that's all I can think about. This is my fault, all mine. If I hadn't stupidly trusted Payn… she'd be happy, and with Edward. I'd have my sisters back, and there would be a happy ending.

Possibly.


	139. Good Enough, 26th Jan

**I was asked for Evanescence. The song suggestion was from Jasper-is-a-god. She's awesome, y'know?**

**Oh, and sorry for being late. I guess you guys probably know by now that I have drama on a Monday evening, and it goes on pretty late... speaking of which, rehearsals are stepping up a gear now, because we've only got something like 2 months before we open. That means all-day Saturday rehearsals, etc. Fun stuff. Meaning that there's a possibility of more lateness. I'm sorry.

* * *

****Date: 26****th**** January**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Good enough

* * *

**_And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall._

I stare from the window. For once, it's dry. For once, the tears that run down my cheeks are the only water around. It's dry, outside. Sunny, even. Bad day for Vampires.

_Pour real life down on me._

**Back to reality** is nigh-on impossible.

_'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough._

I couldn't, could I? I was never good enough. Not for you. I could never stand next to you and hold my head up, because how can I compare to perfection? I fall short every single time.

_Am I good enough for you to love me too?_

No.


	140. Vision, 27th Jan

**I have failed you (again). You know how I was supposed to be sticking to the timeline that I so meticulously worked out? Yeah, well, that failed. I checked it again today and, to my horror, realised that Jake was supposed to have finished the bikes on _Sunday_, and that was also supposed to be the next hallucination. It's late. I know. I'm sorry. Again.**

* * *

**Date: 27****th**** January**

**Character: Alice.**

**Stimulus: Vision

* * *

**I'm shocked.

What the _hell_ is she _doing?!_

Why?

Why would she do that to herself? Because of Edward? No! She was supposed to have gotten over him. Why hasn't she gotten over him?

And, as she kicks her leg over that stupid bike, I bury my face in my arms, and sob.

Because there's nothing I can do.


	141. Run, 28th Jan

**This is not, repeat: NOT based on the Leona Lewis version. Good god, she killed the damn song. But I love the Coldplay version so much. If you haven't heard this song, go and YT it, or something. It's really great.**

**Incredible amount of reviews, guys. Again. You're amazing. Thank you so much for reading, and shit. (I'm not going all emotional, I promise...)**

* * *

**Date: 28****th**** January**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Run

* * *

**He thinks back to the night. That night, when the real hell began.

_**To think I might not see those eyes**_

Her brown eyes, piercing him. Breaking him up inside. He might never see her again. He might never see those eyes. He's not ready to let go, he can't let go, he can't…

_**Makes it so hard not to cry**_

Impossible. It's impossible to cry, and yet now it seems more possible than ever. He feels cheated. Not for the first times, he wishes that he was human. That he could cry, and could not lie. If only she was able to see right through this ridiculous idea. She's always so perceptive; why is this time different? The time that he really needs her to guess?

_**And as we say our long goodbyes**_

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me."_

"_You…don't… want me?"_

"_No."_

"_Well, that changes things."_

_**I nearly do.**_


	142. Hallelujah, 29th Jan

**Sorry. I had the most awful day, yesterday... ugh. Thankfully, today was a little better. And hell, it's the weekend! So I thought I'd post. :)**

* * *

**Date: 29****th**** January**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Hallelujah

* * *

**_Love is not a victory march._

Love is not happy. Not always. It is not always joyful, and positive, and lovely.

It is often cruel and painful and broken.

I have proved this to myself, recently… I did not believe it before, but I believe it now. But then, I did not truly love before; not like I have, since then. I know what love is, now. I understand. I've felt it myself, unlike before—Before, I was a mere bystander, always unhappy, and most often unwanted. Now I've played the game. I know it well.

I lost.

_It's a cold, and it's a broken __**hallelujah.**_


	143. Colour, 30th Jan

**Jalice fluff. I pretty much fell in love with Jasper during Eclipse. He's lovely. I should write more Jasper...

* * *

**

**Date: 30****th**** January**

**Character: Jasper**

**Stimulus: ****"The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of colour—oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples…"  
~ From the diary of Diana Holland, September 17****th****, 1899

* * *

**He remembers that night.

It was so long ago, but he remembers it with perfect clarity. Of course. It's the night that his world exploded into life, into colour. It's the night that he began to live again.

It was a diner. That was all. Not particularly high-class, or posh… in fact, when he first caught sight of her, he remembers wondering what exactly a perfect creature like her was doing there.

She'd scanned the room, looking purposeful on her high stool, holding her tiny frame with determination. Then her pretty gold eyes had met with his red ones, and she'd smiled.

She'd had him, then.

And she'd walked over quickly. That smile had stayed in place, and he'd found himself mesmerised. Dazzled.

"_You've kept me waiting a long time."_

"_I'm sorry, ma'am."_

She'd held out her hand, and he'd taken it without hesitation.

And he'd felt hope.


	144. Hiking, 31st Jan

**Aw, thank you guys for the general concern about the crappy day that I had the other day! I swear, you always know how to make me feel better...**

**And yes, yesterday's quote was from 'The Luxe'. Props to ParamoreEvanescenceTwilight, who spotted it. :) **

**By the way, I'm sure that some people literally live on the internet (more than me, even!). I can post a chapter, and within 30 seconds, there's a review.... that's insane, my darlings. Really.

* * *

**

**Date: 31st January**

**Character: Jacob**

**Stimulus: Hiking

* * *

**We've been hiking for hours. It's probably getting dark. This was sort of a stupid idea, anyway… why did I go along with it, again?

Oh, yeah. Bella. Right.

She seems adamant about this place, and I'm inclined to believe her. She seemed so sincere… I've caught myself wondering quite a lot about whether or not this place is real… or whether it was a figment of her imagination.

I'll humor her, though. Obviously.

* * *

We've been hiking for hours. I can't decide what my real motive is. I think what I might be trying to do is prove to myself that they were real, at all. It's difficult to tell sometimes. Finding… that place might actually convince me that I did not make him up. That he's not just some figment fo my imagination.

_Please, please… please can it be real…_


	145. Chokehold, 1st Feb

**Sorry for the lateness. The power has been really temperamental recently, what with the blizzards and all. Honestly, if the Londoners think they have it bad, they can come up here and we'll show them what real snow is like... It was minus 6 this morning, so the snow turned to ice, but the air must have warmed during the day, because clouds formed, and it's snowing again... urgh.**

**Oh, yeah, and my hair froze this morning. I was in a hurry, so I didn't have time to dry it properly, so it was still damp... by the time we got to the bus stop, it was literally frozen solid. As hardly any of you know, I have curly hair, and the curls were solid. It was scary. But enough of my life... We all know you're only here for Bella/Edward, anyways...  


* * *

****Date: 1****st**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Chokehold

* * *

**

You wake up.

You can hear the blood pounding in your ears. You gasp for air, trying to steady your heart as it races in your chest. Grasping fingers wrench at the material of the pillow, and you fist the sheets in your right hand. You have to bite down on your own lip, hard, to keep from screaming again.

Your teeth draw blood, and the room begins to swirl and spin around you as you inhale the scent that still gets you every time.

Your cold fingers take the pillow in a chokehold, and you pull it to you.

Your silent tears stain the clean fabric.


	146. Change, 2nd Feb

**Thanks to Skittle[dot]Rocker, and magicangel30, who were both ridiculously quick off of the bat, and have managed to review already. Did I not make myself clear? I meant to insinuate that Londoners were pathetic. I'll bet they didn't have eleven inches of snow, like we did. And they closed everything down-- everywhere here was still open. Sorry if I didn't make my meaning clear. :)**

**I love this character, by the way...

* * *

****Date: 2****nd**** February**

**Character: Miss Love**

**Stimulus: Change

* * *

**I continue to watch, as the new semester gets underway. She looks happier now, slightly healthier. Sometimes, she blushes, her cheeks pink, and sometimes, her eyes seem alive again.

I don't know who (or what) has brought about this change, but I am glad that something has changed for her.

I know the fundamentals now, too—what happened to her. I've heard about the Cullens and, most specifically, the youngest boy. Edward.

I've never met him, but I hate him for what he's done to her. For what he's done to Bella Swan.


	147. Speculation, 3rd Feb

**I love Alice.

* * *

**

**Date: 3****rd**** February**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Speculation

* * *

**_What if…?_

There are a thousand _what if's,_ in this life. A hundred ways that any event might have happened, but did not. A Million different possible variations on real life.

I'm luckier than most; I can see the consequences of my decisions. I know what will happen if I decide to go and find Bella (Edward will kill me), and I know what will happen if I don't (Bella will commit suicide, and then so will Edward.)

So it's this dilemma. A bit of a catch-22. Obviously, what I must do is watch Bella. When she comes close, I'll go to her. I'll explain everything, and damn the consequences. I've allowed this to go on for far too long, anyway. Too many people are getting hurt, and I have to power to stop that.

_What if… what if we'd never left?_


	148. Orange, 4th Feb

**In answer to several reviews-- Yes, Miss Love is my own character. In fact, seeing as my (real) last name is the same as hers, she could be called a kind of own character. Yep. I'm an english geek, too. **

**You asked! You did! You can't say that you didn't have this coming... It is really stupid. Just so you know.  
**

**This is, in fact, based on a real conversation between my lovely friend Beth and I. She'll probably never read this, but what the heck?

* * *

****Date: 4****th**** February**

**Character: Emmett**

**Stimulus: Orange**

**Dedication: _Beth, who looked astounded by the fact that not all oranges are, indeed, orange. Love you!!_**

**

* * *

**"Jazz?"

Jasper Hale looked up at his brother, traces of exasperation already evident on his scarred face.

"Yes, Emmett?"

"Why is an orange called an orange?"

Jasper looked a little confused already, wondering exactly why Emmett, who could never eat an orange, wanted to know such an absurd fact.

"Because it is orange?" The statement came out as a question—Jasper wasn't exactly sure what his brother meant to achieve with this.

"Alright, I suppose that's fair enough—but then, wouldn't it make more sense to give it another name? Or, then, to call an apple a red, and grapes greens, and a banana a yellow? Why should an orange be singled out in such a way? And why isn't a Mango called an orange, too? Why should an orange hog orange? What about Persimmons? They're orange! And so are Pumpkins! And Peaches! It's just not fair!"

Jasper was quiet for a moment, processing this. Finally, he glanced back towards Emmett.

"Emmett, you do know that there are such things as red oranges too, don't you? And yellow ones?"

If it were possible, Emmett looked like he might cry.


	149. Exhaustion, 5th Feb

**My only excuse is that I'm ill. Sorry. **

* * *

**Date: 5****th**** February  
**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Exhaustion

* * *

**You're so tired. You feel like you've been running forever. You're fighting a losing battle, and you know it. The tear tracks that smother your face are long dry. They make your face feel stiff and sore.

There are no tears left.

It doesn't help to cry. You learnt that a long time ago. It never brings him back. Nothing can do that.

You have to close your eves to keep from seeing the chair in the corner where he used to sit, but every time you close your eyes, he's there. It's a vicious circle. Close your eyes, and he's there. Open them, and he's not.

You just want peace. You want to sleep soundly. You want to dream happily. You want to smile, to laugh. You want to cope.

You can't have any of that.


	150. Meaning, 6th Feb

**Meh. My stupid brother is playing is playing guitar hero in the conservatory really loudly, and it's making my head hurt.  


* * *

****Date: 6****th**** February**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus:** **Meaning

* * *

**He can't help but think that everything was so much easier before Bella.

Sadder, perhaps. There was less meaning to his life. It hurt him, every time he saw his brothers and sisters and parents. Every time another girl asked him out, he could never help but remember what he was. It would not be safe. And so he turned them down. All of them. Every single time.

And then, Bella. All sense, all logic had flown out of the window. He'd forgotten himself, in the new rush of emotions that he'd never experienced. Not first-hand.

Before Bella, he had had no meaning. When he found her, he found meaning. When he walked away from her, that night in the woods?

He'd destroyed that meaning.


	151. Perspective, 7th Feb

**Ah, sorry. Yes, I am well aware that today is the 8th and not the 6th-- but I had a hella trouble with this one. It has taken me so long to write, but I'm quite happy with the end result. Really.**

**And, GAH! It's snowing again. HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE SNOWING AGAIN?! STOP BLOODY WELL SNOWING!!**

**

* * *

****Date: 7****th**** February**

**Character: N/A**

**Stimulus: Perspective

* * *

**Step. Step. Step.

Hundreds of times a day. Thousands, really. Footsteps. Tramping across your floor. Over, and over, and over again. Repetitiveness is everything. The dull tread of feet across smooth wood goes on forever. The occasional creak is natural, a part of the rhythm. The rhythm that travels on and on.

The secrets hidden beneath the floorboards are not to be revealed.

Not yet, anyway.


	152. Comparisons, 8th Feb

**This person is unnamed. I don't know who she is. She's a student, though, at Bella's school, an this is her observation, from an outside view. Obviously, she's had a pretty rough life-- but I guess that is sort of obvious (to me, anyway) from the piece. I don't think it's too bad...**

**And, just so you know, snow is awful. Really.

* * *

****Date: 8****th**** February**

**Character: ?**

**Stimulus: Comparisons

* * *

**You see, the thing is—she's lucky.

Bella Swan. She's bloody lucky. More than she knows. She still has both parents. Two loving parents. Even if her and her boyfriend split, she had him all to herself for months and months. Alright, I guess I could understand her being unhappy for a bit. But he's just a boy. That's it.

Apart from that, her life is great.

She's never known abuse. She's never known loss. She's gorgeous. She's smart. She's got everything going for her. She's never been raped, or beaten. She's never known hatred. She hasn't lived in a warzone. She could be happy, here. She fits in. People like her.

She is as unlike me as it is possible to be.


	153. A Perfectly Good Heart, 9th Feb

**Sorry, guys, I know I didn't update yesterday. I've lost a whole day of my life, actually—apparently, I've been asleep for nearly 24 hours. It's…weird…that it's Tuesday already. So I'm off school again, and properly ill. :/**

**Sorry, too, that this one is rubbish. I don't deserve you guys.**

**

* * *

****Date: 9****th**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: A Perfectly Good Heart  


* * *

**It wasn't like you didn't give me ample warning. It wasn't like I didn't see it coming, as such. It wasn't like I didn't expect it, sooner or later.

I always understood that you were too good for me. Funnily enough, though, that doesn't make it any easier.

And, despite it all, I still didn't know you'd walk away from me, like that.

But you did._  
_


	154. Love Story, 10th Feb

**I've been wanting to write Esme and Carlisle's story for such a long time... so here you go! A little snippet. Enjoy!

* * *

**

**Date: 10****th**** February**

**Character: Esme**

**Stimulus: Love Story.

* * *

**_We were both young, when I first saw you._

_I close my eyes, and the flashback starts._

She remembers that night, remembers it like it was yesterday. Even though she'd been human when it had happened.

She'd given up all hope; she remembers how that feels. She remembers standing on the edge, on the precipice, looking down into the charcoal, churning water. She remembers with absolute certainty the need to die, to be reunited with her baby boy. She remembers preparing, taking her last breath.

And then, she remembers the voice behind her. The voice that made her release that breath. The golden, beautiful voice of an angel. She'd turned, and she'd seen him. And he had been glorious.

And then she'd taken a step back, a step of surprise, and she'd fallen. The angel's howl of anguish was the last thing she'd heard, before being engulfed by the roaring waves.

And then, she remembers the pain. The burning. But she'd heard his voice, too, the whole time. He hadn't left.

She'd woken up, and he'd been there. He hadn't left. And she'd smiled, and then he'd kissed her sweetly.

And the rest, as they say, is history.


	155. Mystery, 11th Feb

**Urgh. Thanks for your concern, but I'm not any better. I'm going to the doctors' tomorrow, but mum reckons it's tonsillitis, which is pretty miserable. :/**

**Anyway, I'm curious... I know that I've got readers from quite a few places... if you leave a review, will you put the name of the country that you're in/from? Just out of sheer curiosity... Thanks!!

* * *

****Date: 11****th**** February**

**Character: Becca**

**Stimulus: Mystery**

**Dedication: _reeb[dot]myoo, who let me use her name. It _is_ a great name..._**_** Thanks for everything!**  
_

**

* * *

**They're pretty weird. I mean, everyone here is pale, but they're, like… deathly white. Those gold eyes are pretty creepy, too… and the way that they look permanently depressed.

I tried to speak with them, on their first day at this dump of a place known as Denali High. Just being friendly, you know? The blonde girl just glared, and the blonde boy looked pained. The two dark haired ones attempted smiles, but I could see that they weren't exactly genuine.

I haven't spoken to them since. They keep themselves to themselves. I mean, really, I can't imagine why. It's not like they're not all utterly beautiful. It's not like they couldn't fit in with the popular crowd if they wanted to. I've heard the stories, the explanations for why they're all so miserable.

Some reckon that they've lost a sibling, or something. Everyone knows that they're all adopted orphans—could it be that? The speculation surrounding them is intense. Nobody knows the truth, though.

Sometimes, I wonder if we'll ever know.


	156. Marriage, 12th Feb

**It's ridiculously late. I'm sorry.**

**Anyways, I got a review on one of my other stories, telling me I need a beta. Is that true? What do you guys think? I'm genuinely curious, and I'd rather you were honest. Thanks!**

* * *

**Date: 12****th**** February**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Marriage

* * *

**He had imagined it a thousand times. How he wished he'd worked up the nerve to actually do it. How he wished that he was human enough for something like marriage to be possible.

He had a ring. He took it out now, his fingertips brushing over the diamonds. It was older than he was, and there weren't many things that could claim that. It was the ring his father had given to his mother.

He might have taken her to dinner. He might have put the ring in her champagne glass. Or he might have simply knelt and offered it to her.

He might have taken her for a walk, stooped to 'tie his shoe', and dropped to one knee.

He might have whisked her away to their meadow with a romantic picnic under the stars. He might have taken her to New York, or Paris, or London… he might have merely knelt beside her bed in the middle of the night, during one of his much-cherished visits.

He might have. If only he hadn't been so stupid.


	157. Unlucky, 13th Feb

**I'm not superstitious in the least, actually. But whatever.**

* * *

**Date: 13****th**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Unlucky

* * *

**The 13th of February. And a Friday, no less. I wondered if someone up there had it in for me. Today would undoubtedly be a day of falls, trips, and other forms of generally bad luck. As if I needed any more bad luck. As if I deserved any more bad luck.

But perhaps it was my fault… perhaps I had done something wrong…

--

As I collapsed into bed that evening, I was physically and mentally exhausted. I had fallen no less then twenty-seven times. My wrist was broken—and bandaged, courtesy of Forks general hospital. The bikes today had been disastrous. I had several essays to complete. I had burnt Charlie's dinner and, though he hadn't said anything, I knew that he had also had a bad day, and had looked forward to coming home to my cooking.

Friday the 13th was never a good day. Somehow, today had been worse.


	158. Valentine's Day, 14th Feb

**Short, I know. Sorry. The reviews are awesome! You guys are great, you know that?!**

**Lyrics, in **_italics _**are Linkin Park's 'Valentine's Day', which is a great song. **

* * *

**Date: 14th February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Valentines Day

* * *

**"_So now you're gone, and I was wrong  
I never knew what it was like, to be alone  
On a Valentine's Day."_

I should have seen it coming. I should have, really. But somehow, I didn't.

When I woke up that morning, I felt…hopeful? For once, my nightmares had been silenced by the thought of Jacob Black. I was relatively well-rested. And then, I'd rolled over, and I'd seen the calendar, and I'd realised quite how bad this was.

I immediately clenched my stomach. My legs automatically curled up, and I wrapped my arms tightly around them. The sobs that wrenched me apart had already started. I was devastated, trying to hold myself together… and failing.

_"On a Valentines Day."_


	159. Disappointment, 15th Feb

_Lyrics _**are Simple Plan's 'Welcome to my life'. This drabble was half-inspired by that song. :)**

* * *

**Date: 15th Feb**

**Character: Leah**

**Stimulus: Disappointment

* * *

**Do you know what it's like?

To be such an embarrassment that your own mother won't acknowledge you? To feel so alone in this pitiless world? To have no one to turn to? To be hated by many around you? To be shunned, in a world where romance is everything?

Do you know what it is like to be me?

Do you know what it's like to be so broken hearted that you can't sleep and you can't dream and you can't eat? Do you know what it's like to be empty and broken and forgotten? Do you know what it's like to be a disappointment to everyone you know, including your family?

I want to be an older sister for Seth. I want to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter. I want to go somewhere, achieve something with my life. I want to fall in love with someone who won't let me down.

But I can't, and I won't. I'm too much of a disappointment.

_"No, you don't know what it's like. When nothing feels alright. You don't know what it's like, to be like me."_


	160. Memorial, 16th Feb

**It's my dad's birthday. He doesn't even know that I write. Oh, well. Coincidentally, it happens to be my oldest sister's birthday today, too. Yeah, she was born on is birthday. He likes to tell the story of how he had to ge home and open his presents on his own, because Mum was in the hospital. Lmao.**

**EDIT: Thanks to Janie, who pointed out my error-- Edward's birthday is the 20th, no the 2nd of June. My mistake, sorry. That's what I get for being so stupid. :)**

**

* * *

****Date: 16****th**** Feb**

**Character: Edward **

**Stimulus: Memorial

* * *

**He went back there. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps he _was_ a masochist. This would surely only hurt him.

It had been years since he had come to Chicago. He had originally come annually, on his father's birthday, but that tradition had stopped in recent years. He wasn't exactly sure why.

He went, now.

The grave was carved out of stone. A hundred years ago, it had been beautifully intricate. Now ivy snaked through loops and curled with scrolls. The stone angels were barely recognisable, garbed in green leaves as they were. In a swift movement that would be too quick for a human to catch, he tore some of the vines away. It did not matter. They would grow back.

At human speed, his eyes lingered on the names. They were written in a script that befit his parents' high status, and honoured their memory.

_Here lies,_

_Edward Masen Snr.  
Born 16__th__ February, 1866  
Died 19__th__ February, 1918_

_His wife, Elizabeth Rebecca Masen  
Born 29__th__ June, 1871  
Died 27__th__ February, 1918_

_And their son, Edward Anthony Masen  
Born 20th__ June, 1901  
Died 27__th__ February, 1918_

On the family tomb was the crest, and their motto. The words were too faded to read now.

Edward knelt beside the tomb, and he mourned what he had lost.


	161. Sleeping, 17th Feb

**Oh yeah, I forgot to mention-- the different locations of my reviewers is pretty exciting, though many come from the USA. I have only been to the US once, and it was only for a day (We went to the American side of Niagra Falls when we were staying in Toronto), so the US is pretty exciting for me. Lame, I know. :P**

**

* * *

****Date: 17****th**** February**

**Character: Jasper**

**Stimulus: Sleeping

* * *

**Sleeping, and the general state of unconsciousness, is not something that I am familiar with. But then it has, of course, been more than two hundred years since I last slept.

Sometimes, I wish that I could sleep. In unconsciousness, humans seem to find peace. Though I have my own kind of peace, it is hardly the same. I wish that I could dream, too, because I would dream only of Alice.

In dreams, we lose ourselves. In sleep, we become something—anything—that we wish. But I cannot sleep. My name is Jasper Hale, and I am a Vampire, and an empath, and I am the husband of Alice, and nothing more. I can never be anything more, because I cannot sleep and I cannot dream and I am not human.


	162. Ache, 18th Feb

**Yay! Reviews! That's all I have to say!!

* * *

**

**Date: 18****th**** February**

**Character: Jasper**

**Stimulus: Ache**

**Dedication: _Reeb[dot]myoo, who likes the way that I write her name, and gave me the idea for this drabble. Thanks!!_**

**

* * *

**When Edward came back, on the 18th February, Jasper was forced to leave the company of his own brother. The man he loved as his own brother.

The memory still made him—a grown vampire—shudder with revulsion. Once, he had met Jane of the Volturi. Twice, she had used her peculiar power on him. And he decided, then and there, that if he was ever forced to choose between the agonies that little Jane could invoke, and the pain of Bella's loss, he would take his chances with Jane every single time.

It was hard to place, this feeling. Though it should not have been physically painful to him, it was. It ached like the sharp jab of a leaden bullet through soft human flesh (And yes, he had felt that.) It stung like the bitter crack of a whip. It rivalled even the fire that burned in the bodies of bitten humans, after encountering a Vampire.

As Jasper ran through Canada, his hand in Alice's, he realised that he had no idea how his brother lived with that kind of pain.


	163. Kiss the Rain, 19th Feb

**Ooh, this is quite a long one. I just noticed. Yes, the stimulus is a piece of music--and an absolutely beautiful one, at that. Check it out. I dare you. :)**

**Um, wow, by the way. I just checked the review count (believe it or not, I haven't, since I reached 1000.) Somehow, 410 more have sprung up since then. Wtf?! That's INSANE!! Thank you all so, so much. You know that I'd have given this up long ago, were it not for you guys, and I love you all!!**

**This was, by the way, originally a one-shot, hence the length. I cut about a thousand words out, but I couldn't seem to get it any shorter. Sorry.**

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Kiss the Rain, Yiruma

* * *

**As the rain tumbles down, as it so often does in Forks, WA, it strikes a window, and some of the droplets escape inside. It is a window that is never closed, through wind or rain. It always seems to be waiting for something, though no one is sure what.

_She remembers that one night. That one, summer night. Of course, it hadn't felt like summer—it never did, in Forks. And anyway, it had started to rain.__  
They had been up in their meadow.  
Earlier, it had been sunny, and she had spent the day simply wondering at him, as she had done on their first trip to the meadow—as she had done ever since.__  
They came home, now, in the rain. She had fallen asleep in the passenger seat of his Volvo (It was amazing how tiring ogling could be), and had only woken when she had felt his cold arms around her, lifting her gently from her seat. He had her in his arms before she could blink tiredly.  
__His lovely face smiled down at her. "And so, Sleeping Beauty awakes, at last…"__She had sighed, and scowled up at him, and knowing what she had wanted, he had set her on her feet. He hadn't let her go, though. The rain had come, then, soaking them through, and he had chuckled softly at her disgusted face as she became soaked. And then he had kissed her.  
It had just been another kiss but, like everything about him, it had been perfect. She had held herself tightly to him and for once, he had allowed the contact. It might have been cliché to kiss in the rain, but there was a reason for that. She knew it, now._

As the rain tumbles down, as it so often does in Forks, WA, it strikes a window, and some of the droplets escape inside. It is a window that is never closed, through wind or rain. It always seems to be waiting for something, though no one is sure what. And there she sits, at the window, as she so often does, allowing herself to be soaked as she remembers that kiss, in the rain. It's gone now. It's just another memory. She wishes it were not so, but it_ is_ so. She hates him for doing this to her. She hates him so much.

But if she hates him, then why does it still hurt so much, when she remembers that he's gone?


	164. Illness, 20th Feb

**Yay! Bella and Jake's fated trip to the cinema. We've reached some plot again! Hurrah! Enjoy...**

**Ooh, shameless plug-- I've written an ending to 'I'll keep hoping, as she keeps dreaming.' A girl can only put up with so much pestering...**

**

* * *

**

**Date: 20****th**** February**

**Character: Jacob**

**Stimulus: Illness

* * *

**It seemed like a pretty crap ending to a nice ending. The film had been ridiculously bad, but with Bella there, I'd enjoyed it. Mike Newton had come pretty close to ruining it, but then we'd sorted stuff out. And even as he'd puked his guts out into the toilet, I'd enjoyed myself. Me and Bells had sat there, and I'd told her the truth. Finally. We'd driven home and dropped the idiot off, and then gone back via Bella's.

My own illness hadn't really started until she'd left.

It was never to end.


	165. Sick, 21st Feb

**It's nice to think that there's an upside to illness, huh? :P**

**Anyways-- an apology is necessary. For some reason, my computer (and laptop, coincidentally) had a big fall out with fanfiction. I wasn't able to access anything, and it was bloody annoying. So, no posting. No reviewing. No favouriting. No alerting. Just nothing. I nearly went insane, I really did. But peace has broken out! Hurrah! :)

* * *

****Date: 21****st**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Sick

* * *

**Utter crap. That's what you feel like. You feel like you've been dragged by the ankles across several miles of hill. Your head spins and your stomach churns and your heartbeat is irregular. Breathing is difficult. Thinking is difficult. Speaking, and wanting, and missing is impossible.

For the first time in months, you're completely distracted.


	166. Irn Bru, 22nd Feb

**If you don't understand this (and I don't expect many to) then please go to youtube, and type in 'Irn Bru, Raoul' and click on the first option. This drabble is based on that advert. It's actually been in the pipeline for a long time, but I was never really sure about it-- luckily, my lovely friend Emma convinced me to post. So here you go!**

**Oh, and apparently it wasn't just my computers. Yay! That's probably a good thing...**

* * *

**Date: 22****nd**** February**

**Character: Emmett, Alice, Rosalie.**

**Stimulus: Irn Bru**

**Dedication: **_**Emma. Thanks for giving me the courage to post this one!

* * *

**_It was one of the rare sunny days in Forks, WA, and they were swimming in the pool that backed their white house. It wasn't like they could get cold, even dressed—as they were—in swimming costumes. Both Rosalie and Alice lay, in designer bikinis, relaxing on sun chairs. They silently wondered where the boys were.

Suddenly, Alice started to giggle wildly, clearly seeing something happening in the future. Rosalie looked at her questioningly, but Alice shook her head, unable to speak.

At that very moment, Emmett emerged from the house. Alice started to giggle harder, while Rosalie looked absolutely mortified. Emmett grinned.

"Hey, ladies! You come to Emmett's house, we make sandwich, yes?"

He wiggled his hips and his eyebrows in what they later supposed might have been an attempt at seduction. They just stared.

Emmett, seeing the lack of awe and respect he'd been expecting, hit a stone fist on his rock-hard (literally) chest. "I dive!"

They watched in horror, as he made his way to the high diving board that towered over the clear blue water. He shouted down to them again, making the flimsy board bounce slightly as he flexed his muscles. "He-ey, ladies! Look at Emmett bouncing up and down!"

Rosalie, having had enough, exchanged a brief, conspiratorial wink with Alice and pulled out her compact mirror. She managed to position it exactly, so that it reflected the weak winter sunlight up to where Emmett stood, making his skin sparkle, and also briefly blinding him. He stumbled and fell, the lycra of his all-too-revealing speedo catching on the diving board briefly, leaving the huge Vampire suspended for a moment, before snapping. Emmett, naked in all his glory, fell with a giant splash into the pool.

Rosalie and Alice could do nothing but giggle helplessly as he pulled himself from the pool, wincing.


	167. Change, 23rd Feb

**I don't actually like the wolves. At all. Whatever. :)**

**Gah, I've got two more to do, but I'm really tired. I think I might post this one, and then write the other two tomorrow. Sorry, guys. Really, I am... :/

* * *

****Date: 23****rd**** February**

**Character: Jacob**

**Stimulus: Change

* * *

**The fire burns. It burns, and it burns, and it doesn't stop. I hurt everywhere. I feel like dying. If I could just stop breathing now, I would. My whole body shudders and ripples and it feels like my skin might burst.

And then, of course, it does.

Suddenly, I'm huge. My eyesight is perfect, and my hearing matches. In fact, all of my senses seem way sensitive. And then, there's a voice in my head. Whoa, the burning must have stolen my sanity.

_Hello, Jacob Black. My name is Sam Uley, and there's a lot you're going to need to know…_


	168. Exhilaration, 24th Feb

**Oh dear. Oh deary, deary me. I am dreadfully sorry, you know… I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping recently, only getting a couple hours a night, so I've been pretty drained most of the time. I only just remembered this today, and realised how long it's been, so… I'm really sorry. :S

* * *

****Date: 24****th**** February**

**Character: Jake**

**Stimulus: Exhilaration

* * *

**Pad, pad. Adrenaline courses. Pant. Exhilaration runs high. Endorphins are released every single time your new and huge feet hit the ground. The sheer speed is astounding. You feel like you're flying, and it's impossible. Incredible. Wonderful.

Who knew that the old fairy stories that you've been hearing since you were born were so real?

In the back of your mind, your thoughts flicker to Isabella Swan. And then you forget again. It's too easy to forget in this form. You feel like you could stay a wolf forever, and not have to deal with the tribulations of humanity. If only.


	169. Waiting, 25th Feb

**Date: 24****th**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Waiting

* * *

**The hands on the clock tick repetitively around in a circle as she waits. She's been waiting for a while now, and she doesn't really mind waiting so much. She stares at the phone.

In her mind's eye, it rings suddenly, and she picks up, and Jake speaks. He'll be telling her that he can see her again, that he is well again. He will tell her that things can go back to some sense of normalcy.

But the phone doesn't ring. He doesn't call, and he isn't better.

So she just keeps waiting.


	170. Horizon, 26th Feb

**Resonses: Yes, I am sleeping better, thanks for the concern! Yes, I am nearly finished, and I'm fairly certain it's the nineteenth of March that they're reunited. :) Any more questions? Review or PM me! I don't bite. (...much.)  
**

* * *

**Date: 26****th**** February**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Horizon

* * *

**It's going to be soon. He can feel it. It won't be long now before he snaps, before he goes crazy, before he finally drives himself to insanity. Not long.

He hasn't hunted in…how long? He's lost track of the days, but it's been a while. He doesn't want to think about it. He can't. He's thirsty, of course. But there are no humans here anyway, so it's not a problem. Not now.

He stares. He has the best vantage point in the world. He can see for miles and miles, to where the flat glowing planes of the sand disappear into the vividly blue sky. The sun beats down, directly overhead, and he is ridiculously conspicuous.

He falls to his knees, head in hands. He can't face the horizon, because the horizon offers no shade from the sun. No release from the pain. No rest for the wicked.


	171. Pressure, 27th Feb

**Date: 27****th**** February**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Pressure

* * *

**Pressure. I must keep watching all the time. I must be vigilant, for Esme's sake. Every time I see a vision of him committing suicide, it hurts me as much as the real thing would. It's impossible to live with.

These visions are always followed by remorse, on his behalf. He doesn't want to die, not really. Because although he has lost the will to live, he must continue to. I realise now that if she dies, he will, too. There's nothing I can do to change his mind, either, and I think that that it what hurts. But I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

We're coming to a turning point. I don't know what, exactly, because the future is shrouded in darkness—invisible, even to me. We're coming to a crossroads. We're balanced on a knife edge; any minute, the balance could tip, and we could all be sent sprawling.

For once, I'm going to have to wait this one out.


	172. Shiver, 28th Feb

**Whoa, sorry. I was planning to post the rest of my late drabbles last night, but the computer completely crashed. It was most annoying. **

**Anyway-- the next hallucination is also about to be posted! For those of you who don't know, the concept of 'Hallucination' is that Bella's hallucinations during New Moon are sort of like a link between Bella and Edward; he experiences them at the same time, though his are slightly different, and they both blame their imaginations. Anyway... check it out!**

* * *

**Date: 28****th**** February**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Shiver

* * *

**She wrapped her arms around her legs, curling up into a tiny ball as she wept, forehead resting against the steering wheel. She tried to hold herself together, but it was easy to see that she wasn't doing a very good job of it. She shivered uncontrollably, though she was not particularly cold. Those _wolves!_ And…Laurent.

She had almost come to accept the absence of Vampires, maybe even forget a little, and then, out of nowhere, one appears. And she thought she was doing so well.

Ever since Jake disappeared, it had been worse. She'd been having difficulty breathing again, like Jake had his own little hole beneath the old one.

Soon there would be nothing but holes.


	173. Death, 1st Mar

**Okay, so this probably isn't very chronologically accurate, but I wanted to write Laurent's death. So.**

* * *

**Date: 1****st**** March**

**Character: Laurent**

**Stimulus: Death

* * *

**Though I have managed to escape them thus far, my evasion will not last. The fearsome wolves are strong and fast, and they are excellent trackers. But how was I to know that giant wolves roamed the woods around Washington?

I hear them now. They are close by. I do not have long.

And then, they emerge. There are too many of them for me to take alone. I know of their capabilities. I will not survive this, but I will not go down without a fight.

Just as this thought crosses my mind, the wolves attack as one. I do not stand a chance. They are synchronised perfectly. I feel it as my limbs are pulled away, and then I feel the burning. It reminds me of my transformation, but quicker.

My last thought is for Irina. Darling, darling Irina.

And then nothing.


	174. Photograph, 2nd Mar

**Date: 2****nd**** March**

**Character: N/A**

**Stimulus: Photograph

* * *

**As you flick through the pictures in an album, they tell a story. In Bella's album, it's the same, though there are very few pictures.

The album lies discarded at the bottom of her wardrobe, underneath everything else that she doesn't want to remember. There are only two pictures. One is of a young Charlie and Renee, and the other is of baby Bella.

There is one caption though, on the first page. The little metal corners do not hold a picture, but that one line of script gives the impression that they might once have.

_Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13__th__._

To an outside observer, it might appear as if Bella Swan hated this person, for the picture is missing, and the caption has been scribbled over hundreds of times. To someone who knows, the empty page tells of heartbreak and loss and pain.

It's strange to think, then, that the picture in question lies only a few inches from the album in which it once sat.


	175. Rebellion, 3rd Mar

**Please allow me to explain, before you pelt me with fruit, or something! My drama performing final exam was today, and so all of my time recently has been stuffed with rehearsals. Literally. And so I've been coming home exhausted at night, and stuff, and then have had to do extra homework and revision and shit on top of that. **

**And, even now that school stuff is finished, the play that we've been working on since August opens on the 1st April, which is bloody exciting, and also terrifying. In fact, if any of you happen to be in the Edinburgh area on the 1st April, let me know! Anyway, the point of all that was to explain (and possibly apologise in advance) for any lateness. Drama is taking over my freaking life. Sorry!  


* * *

****Date: 3****rd**** March**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: "I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game…"

* * *

**I can't deal with this any more, I can't. I can't deal with the fact that I don't know where Bella is, or if she's safe, or even if she's _alive. _I catch glimpses of her future. I was fairly certain that there was a motorcycle involved, but I don't know how that turned out… and even then, I'm not even sure it existed. It's just so frustrating. I don't care what he's told me. I'm done following his advice (and his orders).

Edward be damned (no pun intended). I'm going searching for Bella's future again.


	176. I'm Not That Girl, 4th Mar

**Oh, yeah! We hit a hundred faves! I mean... wow! So awesome... THANK YOU!**

* * *

**Date: 4****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: I'm not that girl.

* * *

**_Hands touch. Eyes meet. Sudden silence, sudden heat. Hearts leap in a giddy whirl. He could be that boy; I'm not that girl. _

From the moment she touched his cold skin, she was hypnotised. From the moment her eyes met his gold ones, she was dazzled. From the moment he kissed her, her heart went into overdrive.

From the moment he left her, she died a little every day.


	177. I'm Not That Girl ii, 5th Mar

**:)**

**Yeah, so I'm a Wicked-fangirl. So.**

* * *

**Date: 5****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: I'm not that Girl ii

* * *

**_Don't dream too far. Don't loose sight of who you are. Don't remember that rush of joy. He could be that boy; I'm not that girl_

She still has difficulty when she thinks of him. Often, she can't remember herself. She finds herself lost in memories, and then she has to be rescues.

Lately, there's been no-one to save her from the drowning. She's been all alone, just… drowning. She needs to remember the happy times, too, but there's no sweetness. It's just bitter. It still leaves that disgusting taste in her mouth, like blood.

Don't dream. Don't loose sight. Don't remember.


	178. I'm Not That Girl iii, 6th Mar

**Um, yeah. I like the emo ones. xD. But so do other people! Hah!  
**

* * *

**Date: 6****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: I'm not that Girl iii

* * *

**_Every so often, we like to steal to the land of what might-have been. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel, when reality sets back in._

In her dreams, she returns to him… in her own, convoluted way. She likes to imagine their future. Marriage, maybe. College. Happiness.

When she returns to reality, she always has to hold herself together to keep herself from falling apart.


	179. I'm Not That Girl iv, 7th Mar

**Yay! People like Wicked, too! Thanks for the reviews. You know that they make my day... At the end, when I'm finally finished (19th March!) I'll name everyone. I promise. But at the moment, it would just take too long... sorry. KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU ALL! x**  


* * *

**Date: 7****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: I'm not that Girl iv

* * *

**_Don't wish; don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart._

This is it. This is the end. She tells herself that every time. Every single fucking time, and it's never true. It never is. How bloody much does she wish that it was? But it isn't. It won't ever be. This is all she'll ever be, all she can be. This is it.

_He could be that boy. I'm not that girl._


	180. Thinking of You, 8th Mar

**Sorry about that. We suddenly realised that there was no chocolate in the house, so me and my oldest sister had to go on an emergency chocolate trip to the corner shop. And now I have creme eggs!! Happy day!

* * *

**

**Date: 8****th**** March**

**Character: **

**Stimulus: Thinking of You

* * *

**_Comparisons are easily done, once you've had a taste of perfection._

I can't help myself. It's not like I do it intentionally… but I can't stop comparing Jake with… the other one. (My arms wrap around my chest at the very thought). There are similarities there. The protectiveness, to name just one.

But it's not like that, any more. Not from either of them. The abandonment, that's another thing they have in common. The fact that they both left me. The fact that they both wounded me beyond healing.

Does all love hurt so much?


	181. Phone Call, 9th Mar

**Mmmm... creme egg... I love Easter...

* * *

**

**Date: 9****th**** March**

**Character: Jacob**

**Stimulus: Phone Call

* * *

**The phone rings.

I imagine picking it up. It'll be Bella, of course. It always is. I imagine speaking to her, telling her how much I've missed her, telling her this new, messed-up, weird secret. I can't, of course, but I can dream.

I imagine her laughing along. I imagine her look of awe and wonder as she sees me phase. She won't be bothered, unduly; I know now that Bella has an understanding of the supernatural world that's been around much longer than mine. I know the Cullens' secret. Damn bloodsuckers.

The ringing falls silent. No-one has picked up. She'll call back, though, and the phone will ring out again. And again. And again…


	182. Come Home, 10th Mar

**Sorry, I know this is weird, but I think that Bella is going through a really crazy time... dreaming about suicide isn't so far out of the question for her, as far as I'm concerned. You know. Whatever.**

* * *

**Date: 10****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Come Home

* * *

**Charlie's voice comes over the speaker, and I close my eyes against the noise.

_"Bella. Come home."_

The voice morphs into something else, something much more painful, and my expression twists in pain. It's his voice. Why can't I escape him?!

"Love you, Daddy."

_"Bella, please…"_

"Not you, dad. Never you."

_"Bella! Isabella Marie Swan, don't you dare!"_

I take the pills. I feel nothing. I fall…

…And then I wake up.


	183. Despair, 11th Mar

**YAYY! I've finally caught up!!! And wow, it's taken me all evening...literally. Still, we're done now. By the way, tomorrow is The Big Reveal--a.k.a Bella realising that Jakey isn't entirely human. Shame you're going to have to wait... xD**

**Oh yeah, while I remember-- I'm impressed by the number of Wicked fans! I so want to go and see it... :/ Apparently, it's amazing on the West End. Meh.

* * *

****Date: 11****th**** March**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Despair

* * *

**He sits with his head in his hands. He doesn't know where exactly where he is, because he's not sure it matters. Really, not much matters. At all.

The place is deserted. He knows that. He can hear it—or rather, he can't. For once, his head is silent. And it's peaceful.

But the pain is still there. It doesn't go away, it never leaves. The pain that has wracked his body for nigh-on six months is persistent, at least. He can't escape. Nothing is supposed to hurt him, as a Vampire, but it does hurt him. So damn much.

As he thinks this, he finally realises what it is. What has been affecting him so much

Despair.


	184. Loophole, 12th Mar

**I would have posted earlier, but I was at the theatre. It was rather brilliant, actually... but that's beside the point. T-minus eighteen days until opening night. Gah!**

**

* * *

****Date: 12****th**** March**

**Character: Jacob**

**Stimulus: Loophole

* * *

**There has to be a loophole. There has to be some other way, because I can't take this any more. Being without Bella hurts me more than I ever thought possible. If only I could imprint on her; then she'd have the right to know. But, try as I might, I can't. Apparently, it doesn't work like that. You don't know who you're going to imprint on. You might be walking along the street some day, and then, _BAM_. Instant freaking life partner.

It's messed up, but it's just another occupational hazard.

I have to tell Bella. If my imprinting won't work, then she'll have to figure it out herself. She's been in contact with the supernatural before; this shouldn't bother her. Yeah. If she could guess it herself, it'd work…

One thing is for sure: there's no way I can leave it the way I did this afternoon.


	185. How to Save a Life, 13th Mar

**I love Charlie. Did I mention that? I love him. :)

* * *

**

**Date: 13****th**** March**

**Character: Charlie**

**Stimulus: How to save a life

* * *

**I remember back to those dreadful days. Bella is better now; you wouldn't be able to guess what she was unless you witnessed it.

But I know.

I remember the nights of screaming. She thought I didn't know, but I always knew. I used to sit with my head in my hands, night after night, and wonder where I had gone wrong. Because this pain she felt? I could do nothing to soothe it.

I wanted to help, but she never let anyone else in. If I had known how to reach her, I would have done anything in my power—anything—to have her back. But there was never anything. I could do nothing as I watched her scream and cry, and die a little.

_I would have stayed up with you all night,  
had I known __**how to save a life.**_

It's better now. You know that. It's a little better. But it's not going to get much better for a long time. Not really.

_**How to save a life.**_


	186. Climax, 14th Mar

**Blah, I'm so exhausted. We had a full-day rehearsal today, and it was hardcore. 9 1/2 hours. To be fair, we did get a lot done, but...man...

* * *

**

**Date: 14****th**** March**

**Character: Edward **

**Stimulus: Climax

* * *

**_Things are coming to a head._

You can't cope. You can't deal with this for much longer. You're going to crack, you know it. There's only so long. Probably days, really, until you go back to her. It can't be long, now… it won't be long.

_Things are coming to a head._

Alice knows it. She's been trying to contact you, though you won't pick up for her. Not even for Alice. You just need space to think.

_Things are coming to a head._

You need to consider this, though there won't be much to consider. You can't live without her.

_Things are coming to a head._

You only have days left.

_Things are coming to a head. I can't keep up the pretense much longer.  
_


	187. The Last Thing, 15th Mar

**Date: 15****th**** March**

**Character: Leah Clearwater**

**Stimulus: The Last Thing.**

_Hey, listen to the sound,_

_Of my feet leaving the ground_

This is it. This is the end. I can't just deal with this any more, like I have been doing for months, now. I can't just swallow my damn pride and smile and laugh at Emily's dress fittings, and meetings with the band, and all the other shit that goes on in the run-up to a wedding. I just can't, okay?

Emily wants to discuss party favours, of all the bloody things. Who the hell even takes those things, anyway?

It's not her fault. I know that. And she does keep asking me if I want out. Something keeps me here, though; I still feel loyalty to her. She's still my cousin. And she hardly _asked _to be imprinted on, really.

_Hey, love is the last thing_

_That I thought I would have found._

Sam and Emily are lucky. I hope they're very fucking happy together.


	188. The Things She Sees, 16th Mar

**Wow, um, is anyone else's doc editor being really gay? Hmph. Sorry about lateness. I guess you guys know that craziness that's currently going on for me. :/ All I can say is: 2 weeks tomorrow. Crap.**

**Date: 16****th**** March**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: The Things She Sees**

_**Flash**_

Bella's falling

_**Flash**_

No, wait… she's jumping.

_**Flash**_

She screams

_**Flash**_

No, wait… she's crying out in elation.

_**Flash**_

She hits the water

_**Flash**_

She disappears. All of her. Her future. Her self. Her very being.

"_NO!"_


	189. Dive, 17th Mar

**I've started writing a new story. Unfortunately, I'm not going to post it until it's completely written, but I'm quite excited about this particular one, so we'll see where it goes. :)**

**But—hey! After this one, we've got… what, two more? Whoa! Then I'm done. Forever!

* * *

**

**Date: 17****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Dive

* * *

**You stand on the edge, and you watch the sea. The clouds gather on the horizon, boiling dangerously against distantly frothing waters. But the storm isn't here just yet—you'll be okay, for now. Far away, lightning strikes the surface, and you shiver. You take a breath to steel your nerve, and step forward.

"_Bella."_

You smile. "Yes?"

"_Don't do this."_

"You wanted me to be Human. Well, watch me."

"_Please. For me."_

"But you won't stay with me any other way."

"_Please."_

His voice is incessant now, the roar building in his chest. It matches the pounding of the waves against the rock that falls away directly beneath you. He's angry now, see, and the anger is lovely. You roll up onto the balls of your feet.

"_No, Bella!"_

You smile, and then you jump.

* * *

"_Edward Cullen is staring at you."_

"_I saved your life—I don't owe you anything."_

"_It's better if we're not friends. Trust me."_

"_Do you want a ride to Seattle?"_

_"You're dangerous. But not bad. No, I don't believe that you're bad."  
_

"_Get in."_

"_You don't care if I'm a monster? You don't care that I'm not _human?!"

"_And so, the lion fell in love with the lamb."_  
"_What a stupid lamb."_  
"_What a sick, masochistic lion."_

"_I'll do whatever it takes to make you safe again."_

"_Yes, it is enough. Enough for now."_

"_You…don't…want me?"_  
"_No."_

"Fight! Damn it, Bella, Keep fighting!"

_**Goodbye. I love you.**_


	190. Silence, 18th Mar

_**The penultimate drabble!!**_

**I was asked to do this one. I was planning on it already, but there you go! This is how I see Rosalie, by the way. I don't think she's nearly as much of a heartless bitch as some people seem to think. IMHO.  
**

**Also, exciting news-- the wonderful _Nouni _has offered to translate my drabbles to french!! I'm a little in shock at the moment, but speechless is something I just don't really do. You may have noticed. xP**

**A lot of you said that yesterday's drabble was the best ever (Thanks, by the way!) but I really like this one. Just a heads up. :)**

**My goal now, I think, would be 1800 reviews for the whole series. That would be incredible. Honestly. Are you up to the challenge??

* * *

****Date: 18****th**** March**

**Character: Rosalie**

**Stimulus: Silence

* * *

**"Edward?" My voice shakes. I almost hope that he doesn't answer, but he does.

"_Rosalie. What is it?"_

"Edward, I…" How do you tell someone this?

"_Rosalie. Where is Alice?"_

"That's what I'm…"

"_WHERE IS ALICE?!"_

Silence. It's awkward and painful, and I wish I could say something that wouldn't break his heart.

"_ROSALIE!"_

"She's… she's in Forks."

"_Forks. Forks? Why would she be there? I told her…"_

"I know what you told her, Edward, but things have changed. Bella…" He's instantly alert, at the sound of her name. He knows something is wrong.

"_What is it, Rosalie? Tell me, or so help me, I'll…"_

"Bella's dead, Edward. She's dead."

Silence. Then the phone explodes. _"What? No! I… I made sure! I left! NO_!" He sounds so vulnerable. So… so damn broken.

"I'm sorry." I've started now, and I can't seem to stop. If I were human, I'd be in tears. "Alice saw, but she didn't get there in time. It was a snap decision, Edward… Bella jumped off a cliff. I'm so sorry…"

Silence.

Then, _"People jump off cliffs all the time, Rosalie. Esme did. She survived."_

"Her future disappeared. I'm sorry, Edward. You shouldn't have found out this way." I'm babbling now, I can't shut myself up. "I know I never really liked her…but no-one deserves this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Silence.

"Edward? Say something… please."

Silence.

"Edward?"

Silence.

"Edward, you're scaring me… Please say something…"

Silence.

"Edward? Are you there?"

_**Beep.**_


	191. Author's Note: When all is Said and Done

**AUTHOR'S NOTE -Please read. I know they're a bore, but this one is important.  
**

**I'm sorry, I am. Unfortunately, I won't be posting any more drabbles today—mostly because I have this dratted essay to redraft for tomorrow, and it's already half past nine. Usually, I'd be pretty complacent, and probably just not post, but today I felt like you guys deserved an explanation. Plus, I have some stuff I wanted to share, tbh.**

**Firstly—freaking hell! I ask for, what, 75 reviews over the course of yesterday and today, and you give me 130 for just one! I mean… wow. You spoil me.**

**Special mention must go to Skittle[dot]rocker, who reviewed all the chapters that she hadn't already. Thank you! **

**Drabbles for Bella in French has now been posted—there's a link to it on my website. I personally don't speak a word of French. Actually, no that's a lie—I do speak a word of French. But just the one. Ready? **_**Bonjour. **_**I'm almost certain it means hello. **

**Lmao! Sorry, I suck. I also speak German, not French. But whatever!**

**Oh. Crap, now this is going to sound bad, because I meant to put it at the start, and now it's at the end. Meh. Okay, so as some of you know, my dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer last June—meaning that at that stage he had only a five percent chance of survival. It was all pretty grim for a bit, but then somehow—miraculously—he survived. He's been having chemotherapy (nasty stuff, IMHO) since then. Yesterday, he was given the all-clear! So yeah, kind of incredible. I just wanted to share that.**

**With regards to the drabbles—I'll be posting tomorrow afternoon. I could write them now, but I'd rather do it when I have more time, and can be trusted not to botch them. Okay?**

**Love from,  
Becky x**


	192. Expectations, 19th Mar

**Okay, so so thing is-- I wrote so many drabbles for today. I had no idea which to post, so I'll post a few of them. :D**

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** March **

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Expectations.

* * *

**I'm not going to make it. I'm not. I can't run fast enough. My feet pound, and my sides ache, and my head is pounding, and my heart is breaking. Again.

I scream and I yell at people as I run. It's all I can do to keep from shoving people from my path. I'm not fast enough.

If Alice were here, I'd be fine. He'd be fine. He'd be safe. But she's not. She's not here. She can't be here, it's impossible.

I keep running, as the sun that traps Alice continues to beat down around me. I can't breathe. I just keep running.

It feels like I'm not going to make it, like I'll keep running forever. I could keep running, and I'd never make it.


	193. Finality, 19th Mar

**An Edward-POV. Part one.**

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** March**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Finality

* * *

**I'm at peace. It's odd, but true. In just a few moments, I'll be with her again. I have no regrets any more, no last wishes. My last words don't need to be spoken, because they're irrelevant. Nothing matters, now. I'm going to die now, finally, after 108 years of waiting. But I've fulfilled my purpose, now. I'm done. I'll be happier.

The clock strikes twelve, and I step forward. I hear her voice in my mind, and she's screaming my name. I smile, and then I take a step.


	194. Eyes, 19th Mar

**I've mentioned my two younger siblings, but as far as I can remember, I've never mentioned Clary. She's the oldest, my older sister. She's great. But anyway, I'm so beside the point. She wrote me a drabble, to be posted today, and how could I deny her? I**** have edited it, but this is more or less the original draft. :)**

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** March**

**Character: Edward**

**Stimulus: Eyes**

**Author: Clary Scarlett-Cullen

* * *

**I stare at her. I stare into the eyes… her eyes. The eyes that have been haunting me for the months since I met her. Especially since that one day, almost exactly six months ago. The last time I saw her.

They are more magnificent than I remember.

The ghostly eyes stare back into mine, flickers of emotion displayed clearly in them, just like I remember. I know they can't be hers, though. That's the whole reason I'm here, the reason that I get to be with her again. She feels real enough in my arms, but that's impossible.

Time speeds up, for the first time in my Vampiric memory. I feel almost human again. Mortal, once more. It is amazing to think that she will be there to help me—to guide me to where she is—even after all I've done to her. We can finally be together once more.

I'll never leave her. In this, we can be together, forever and always.

Because I love her.


	195. Nothing, 19th Mar

**Yeah, I know I'm going a little crazy with drabbles. Sorry, guys. I just sort of need to get this out of my system, I think...

* * *

**

**Date: 19****th**** March**

**Character: Alice**

**Stimulus: Nothing

* * *

**I'm trapped. I can't see if she'll make it. One moment, they're fine, and the next they're dead. Bella's a vampire. Edward sparkling. Bella's dead. Edward's dead.

The rush of images is crazy and confusing. They completely bewilder me, as I run around the edge of the square, keeping to the shadows. It's horrifying that I can't be as free as Bella, to run to Edward. I'm projecting thoughts at him. Thoughts of Bella, sprinting towards him. But I don't think he's taking anything in. He's too focussed on what he's planning.

His own death.

And there's nothing I can do.


	196. Forever, 19th Mar

**This is it, guys! This is the end, the last one. It seems appropriate, I think. **

**I've been asked to do the same for the other books, but for now, I'm going to stick with what I've got. I've done what I set out to do, which was simply to fill in the gaps left by New Moon, and I think I managed it. That's enough for me. **

* * *

**Date: 19****th**** March**

**Character: Bella**

**Stimulus: Forever

* * *

**Somehow, I make it. Somehow, we survive. Somehow, he still loves me, and I still love him. Somehow, I'm still human.

I lie now, in his arms. It's much later, and we're back in Forks. It's been decided—I become like him when I marry him.

But for now, I'll remain human. I'm quite content to lie here in his arms forever, in silence, just revelling in him.

For now, this is everything. It's perfect. But it's just one moment, of many to come. I can believe that safely now. I know that he loves me.

It seems like an ending, but really, it's just another beginning. The beginning of the rest of forever.

I can't wait.

* * *

**Words cannot describe, by the way, how amazingly grateful I am to anyone who has ever reviewed, favourited, alerted, or even simply read. You are all incredible. Incredibly incredible. Thank you, so much. Really. You all deserve an Edward each. No cookies, no plushies. A real life, living (though not necessarily breathing) Edward Cullen. You do. 1800 reviews for a story like this is astonishing. It's not even that freaking long! **

**I could go on for another seventeen pages about the general awesomeness of every person here, but I'm pretty sure you'd get bored.**

**You know you who are. Each and every one of you. Thank you. A million times, thank you. You've kept me going for six months. This is something I never thought I'd finished-- and yet, here I am, six months on. I've done it. Somehow. I'm tearing up, by the way.  
**

**Thank you. Again. (I'm boring you now, huh?) Sorry. I'll go, now. **

**THANK YOU! (Hah, slipped another one in, there.)  
Becky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *


	197. Playlist

**A playlist of all the songs that inspired me while writing the drabbles. Check them out! They're all wonderful songs. Really.**

_Numb,_ Linkin Park

_Lost?_, Coldplay

_Bop to the top,_ HSM *Emmett's choice, not mine...*

_Hoppipolla,_ Sigur Ros

_My Immortal,_ Evanescence

_Romeo and Juliet,_ Dire Straits

_Breakeven,_ the Script

_Cruel to be Kind,_ Letters to Cleo

_Fairytale, _Sara Bareilles

_Even Angels Fall, _Jessica Riddle

_Clair De Lune,_ Debussy

_By You, _The Mitch Hansen Band

_Meant to Live,_ Switchfoot

_Everybody's Fool, _Evanescence

_Bring me to Life, _Evanescence

_Snow White Queen, _Evanescence

_Good Enough,_ Evanescence

_Run,_ Snow Patrol

_Hallelujah,_ Rufus Wainwright

_A Perfectly Good Heart,_ Taylor Swift

_Love Story,_ Taylor Swift

_Valentines Day, _Linkin Park

_Welcome to my Life, _Simple Plan

_You Could be Happy,_ Snow Patrol

_Savin' Me,_ Nickelback

_Wake Me Up When September Ends,_ Green day

_I Don't Love You_, MCR

_Come Home_, OneRepublic

_Set Fire to the Third Bar_, Snow Patrol feat. Martha Wainwright

_Such Great Heights_, the Postal Service

_Over My Head_, the Fray

_Onde Corte_, Einaudi

_Northern Downpour_, Panic! At the Disco

_When it Rains_, Paramore

_We are Broken_, Paramore

_I'm Yours_, the Script

_Never Think_, Robert Pattinson

_Wonderful World_, James Morrison

_Best of Me_, Sum 41

_Death and All His Friends_, Coldplay

_I'm not that Girl, _Wicked

_Fix You,_ Coldplay

_Let it be,_ the Beatles

_Lullaby_, the Mitch Hansen Band

_Bella's Lullaby_, Carter Burwell


	198. Thank You, and Goodnight

**Much as I'd hate to sound like some celebrity making an acceptance speech, there are some people that must be thanked for their general amazingness. You are the ones who made **_**Drabbles for Bella **_**happen--there's no way I could have done it without the amazing support. And here I am-- 2,000 reviews, finally at the end—after 196 chapters. It's been a hell of a journey.

* * *

****To everyone who reviewed-- Emily Scarlett-Cullen; SelineHale; DeanParker; ClamKidToTheRescue; NightDancers; Saffiya Scarlett; Aiedail01; black to Leopard-coloured eyes; Aimee Swan-Taylor; Kaname-chan12; bbbff1996; AliasAurora; LynnyLiz; Hollibell; Tawny101; reconrox; '-'; HarmoniousPie; MidnightxRed; Bella Sparkled; Living[dot]The[dot]Lie; witchfire2000; SlapphappySpazzes; twistedrealityII; lovethatedward; Hymnophile; PeaceLoveCullen; Crazy Obsessive Fan; xsincerity; Kuntzy111; April-Cullen; Starheartswirly; LostInTheLibrary; Vampiress-Ariya; Morte; Lifeishawesome; Sadsmiles; Daughter of Dan; '.'; TwilightObsessedOECD; Arya Nuanen; Steph1068; Vampgirl18; ATwilightSun; CMGeek; littleclarestar; Red Panda Bear; Rosie-Bell; Pato Picante; MurderInTheMusicHall; loch[dot]nessie[dot]monster; Kenzie1355; How-absurd; Tekgirl; iluvJasperHale; MYnewMOON557; It Reeks of Fangirls; iiLoveStupidShinyVolvoOwner; ****NationalTreasure22345****; StaticMind; Elliptical; Bella91; 'A Friend'; 'Your Biggest Fan'; Skittle[dot]Rocker; Arina Marie; 'theforgotencullengirl'; consumedbylove; DustyDreamer; 'Amy'; Struck upon a Star; BaNaNaWaffles; novacaineorchids; massrie; ParamoreEvanescenceTwilight; 'Megan'; Emma-xox; 'Kat'; Sakura's Warrior; XxxsoccercutiexxX; Miss Cullenxox; Megan Geyer; Candy Cullen; Reeb[dot]Myoo; lagunacarta; Hawkesey; Tegan; CullenLvr1994; magicangel30; Bella91387; ****; 'Rya'; ****I. W. Cullen****; ****80****; ****..shame****; ****KikiDeeNe****; T.C. Meade; KCcrazy; SaraSuPenlgy; oh[dot]hopeful[dot]dreamer; edwardcullenizminexxx; seashell118; xroboticxpanicx; Gloria Ginevra Wilshire; Kate Mac; 'Ash'; Chrissy Masen Magnitude; Paige1133; icrodriguez; Viva Vannah; StressControl; Jasper Hale x Alice Cullen; Chocolaterocks; Hannai; Leo Night; RandomSugarRush; Ziria NightRose; And April Threw Rice; Gaby47; 'Janie'; RD2426; ..Ves; 'tatoe face; Saturday's Dawn; jason'sbella; Princess Ferdinand; SabakunoBri; Ducktapezbestie; luvwriting13; Jord90; TeddyBear334; Horsegal93; willowgrace551; SugarCane; icklefritz; 94pinkflowers; sammiex3x; ATwilightSun; Toad;****Nouni**_**;**_ **=]bia; jbthatsme33;** **His Gem;** **nostarsaboveme;** **ShadowPrincess; vampgirl18; consumedbylove; MsRenesmeeCarlie; EmuInTheToaster;** **LiLkawaiibunny; El Leon Y La Oveja; Shadowed Ember; CullenGirlsForever3; Caww**

**_Thank you all so, so much._**

**

* * *

****_This might just bore you beyond belief, but I've decided to add in my page of quotes and inspiration here, used over the entire series. Feel free to steal from it_****_. _

* * *

**

"…**and she made a poisoned, poisoned apple. From the outside it was beautiful, white with red cheeks, and anyone who saw it would want it. But anyone who might eat a little piece of it would die."**

Brothers Grimm "Little Snow-White

Performance  
Hospital  
Cinema  
Stalker  
Time  
Light  
All the 5 senses (you'd get a few chapters out of that)  
Chapter  
Home  
Books (some of Bella's?)  
Perfection  
Beach  
Eyes  
Kiss  
"When God shuts a door, he opens a window."  
Trophy  
Breathless  
Clouds  
Horizon  
Supernova  
Scab

_"So we'll live,  
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh  
At gilded butterflies."_

- "Bubblewrap" - by McFly. Very good break-up song (it works. Believe me!).  
- "Even God" - by Charlotte Church. No. Really.  
- "Like I Never Loved You At All" - by Take That.  
- "Favourite Year" & "Easy Silence" - by Dixie Chicks  
- More Shakespeare!

_  
"If you love someone, let them go. If they love you too, they will come  
flying back" (Tennyson counter-argument?)_

"Do you know one, I ask you, one grief that God [Zeus] will not perfect the two of us while we still live and breathe?"

"There's nothing, no pain - our lives are pain - no private shame, no public disgrace, nothing I haven't seen in your griefs and mine"  
- Antigone, by Sophocles

"With one fool's head I came to woo, but now I go away with two." ~ Merchant  
of Venice

"And civil blood makes civil hands unclean" ~ Romeo and Juliet

"Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind." ~ A Midsummer Night's  
Dream

"All the world's a stage,  
And all the men and women merely players." ~As You Like It

"If music be the food of love, play on,  
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,  
The appetite may sicken, and so die." ~ Twelfth Night

"He bravely breached his bloody boiling breast." ~(?) Nice alliteration.

"Beauty that is Medusa's head  
Which men go armed to seek and sever.  
It is most deadly when most dead,  
And dead will sting and stare forever" ~ Archibald McLeish, "Beauty" (Rosalie?)

"Murder, though it have no tongue, will speak" ~Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

"**To handle stone is to handle the stuff of life and death" ~ Linda Newbury, "Set in Stone"**

"For beauty is nothing  
But the beginning of terror we can just barely endure,  
And we admire it so because it calmly disdains to destroy us."  
~ Duino Elegies, "The First Elegy"

You whom I could not save.  
Listen to me." ~Czeslaw Milosz, "Dedication"

"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,  
Who art as black as hell, and dark as night." ~ Shakespeare, "Sonnet CXLVII"

"Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heav'n" ~John Milton, "Paradise Lost (Book I)"

"The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of colour—oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples…"  
~ From the diary of Diana Holland, September 17th, 1899

"I've always believed in savouring the moments. In the end, they are the only things we'll have. I hope that I have imparted this belief to my children, though it is so hard to tell when they are still stubbornly becoming themselves."  
~ From the diary of Edward Holland, 1898

"We see our sins reflected everywhere: in the pallor of our intimates' faces, in the scratching of tree branches against windows, in the strange movements of everyday objects. These may be messages from God or tricks of the eye, but in neither case are we permitted to ignore them."  
~ Reverend Needlehouse, "Collected Sermons", 1896

"_Lord, what fools these mortals be!" ~Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"_

"I must be cruel, only to be kind."

Abandoned; Lost; Hardened; Cruel; Cynical.

"**Why? Why not? Why not you? Why not now?" –Aslan.**  
"_Because it's too bloody hard, alright?"_

"_Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"__ ~ A__lfred Lord Tennyson_

_Liar, liar pants on fire…_

"_Things are coming to a head. I don't know how much longer I can keep up the pretenses."_

**The boy who never grew up.**  
"_Forever is an awfully long time" ~Peter Pan, 2002_

"And art thou changed? Pronounce this sentence then:  
women my fall when there's no strength in men." ~Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

**"Nothing like an irritated grizzly bear"**

"I may neither choose whom I would, nor refuse whom I dislike" from 'The Merchant Of Venice'

"Why then, you are in love" from 'The Merchant Of Venice'

_**"And if I lived a thousand years you know  
I never could explain  
The way I lost my heart to you that day  
But if destiny decided I should have looked the other way  
Then the world would never know  
The greatest story ever told  
And have I told you that I love you  
Just how much I really need you  
Have I told you that I love you tonight?" --Mine and Amy's song xD  
**_

"Everybody put up your hands/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feel the beat now/ If you got nothing left/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Back it up now/ You got a reason to live/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feelin' good now/ Don't be afraid to get down/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ To the beat/ To the beat/ To the beat/ You got nothing to lose/ Don't be afraid to get down/"  
~I don't wanna be in love, Good Charlotte

"They days pass by/ I wonder why/ You're not by my side/ I'm here without you/ Sleepless nights/ I try and try/ To figure out why/ I'm here without you/"  
~Here without you, push play

"There is no future/ There is no past/ Thank go this moment's not the last./ There's only us/ There's only this/ Forget regret, or life is yours to miss/ No other road/ No other way/ No day but today."  
~Finale B, Rent

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life"  
~How to save a Life, the Fray

* * *

**On the 21****st**** December 2008, at 19:48, I received a new email from . It was a review for 'Drabbles for Bella'. I opened it with the usual customary glee, though I was a little confused—that day's drabble was posted quite early, and had certainly already gone off of the front page on the Twilight archive. I opened it though, and was shocked, as I read it through. It was an anonymous, simply from 'A friend'. To this day, I couldn't tell you who the writer was, but they helped me so, so much. It was really a massive turning point for me, in the writing of these drabbles. If that person is reading this now, then I'd like to say: Thank you very much indeed. Probably the best review I've ever been sent and I appreciate it hugely. I just wanted to share this with you.**

True Silence:

I walk into the living room, where Carlisle and Esme are curled up.

Silence.

If I were Edward, I would know that they were thinking of a lost daughter. If  
I were Edward, I would know that Esme was thinking that it was worse then  
having her baby boy die. But I'm not Edward. So I hear only silence.

I walk into the Kitchen. I see Jasper there, staring into the refrigerator.  
It is full of tasty snacks that none of us would eat.

Silence.

If I were Edward, I would know that he was thinking about how our leaving was  
his fault. If I were Edward, I would know that he would never forgive himself  
for what he did. If I were Edward, I would know that he was thinking of the  
one meal that he and the rest of the family had cooked just for Bella that one  
day in the summer. But I am not Edward. So I hear only silence.

I walk upstairs, and into Rosalie's room. I see where she is sitting by her  
window looking out and into the forest.

Silence.

If I were Edward, I would know that she was thinking of how terrible she was  
to Bella. If I were Edward I would know how strong the guilt was that she  
felt. But I'm not Edward. So I hear only silence.

I walk across the hall and into the game room. I see Emmett staring blankly  
at the black T.V with the controller hanging uselessly in his hands.

Silence.

If I were Edward, I would know that he was full of remorse. If I were Edward  
I would know that he was thinking of the sister that he didn't get a chance to  
know nearly as much as he liked. But I'm not Edward. So I hear only silence.

I walk into my room and into my closet. It is full of my clothes, and clothes  
that I had bought for Bella. I look at Bella's future. I see her, huddled down  
and crying, gasping for air. I see her true pain, and the true silence and  
true darkness that we put her through.

Silence.

If I were Edward, I could return to her, and tell her that everything is  
right. If I were Edward, I would heal her broken heart. But I am not Edward.  
So I can do nothing.

I walk into Edward's room. He is laying down on his couch, staring up at the  
ceiling.

Silence.

If I were Jasper, I feel the horrible, emptying pain and suffering that he is  
going through. If I were Jasper, I would be able to console him. If I were  
Jasper, I would be able to let him feel relief. But I am not Jasper. So I feel  
nothing.

The house is silent. Not a word is spoken. Nothing. I am not Jasper, nor am I  
Edward. I am Alice. And Alice, the poor pixie, can do nothing. She would, if  
she could. But she promised she wouldn't. She can do nothing for the silent  
family in the house, or for the silent girl. Who has no idea we haven't even  
left yet. This is the true silence. That nothing I can do will break it.

Silence.

_Hey! This is just a short one-shot that I thought if you were ever had  
writers block you could use. Thanks for doing this, it ends the silence for  
all Twilight-er's that want to know what exactly happened each day. Thanks! _

* * *

**All that's left to do now is leave, I guess. Thank you. Again. Everyone. Give yourself a round of applause, a standing ovation. Throw some flowers at yourself. You're all incredible. **

**Becky x  
**


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